I surround myself with pictures and sounds - never stopping, never ending. 

My mind never gets the opportunity to find its own path and can therefor never go there. More lights please. Maybe turn up the music a bit? 

I leave my house to hunt for something new. Same old dull rooms isn't working anymore - it has to stop, it has to end. 

My smile attracts the attention of a stranger whom for a second or two can distract my mind. 

Yes, please do kiss me. Deeper. 

Another success and another day passed without that path. Maybe one day, if I'm in luck, it will have stopped and even ended. 

Dear diary,

the day that I so often before has dreamt of has landed upon us. I was naïve enough to think I would be prepared and ready. All those hours spent reading book after book concerning the dystopian world that inevitably would come - for nothing.

It was the social divide that drove us to the ground. The gap became too big and the cure too far away. Desperation will do that to a country. I still remember the news about a new decease spreading among the less fortunate. Those living on the streets and of our bread crumbs. And so the experiments started…

Experiments lead to a revolt and the revolt lead to the release. It was raining across the world and with nothing to stop it this day came as no surprise. The screen just went black with the man’s tearful eyes still on my mind. He says the rumors are true and they are working around the clock so solve the problem - screams. And now darkness.

I look out on the empty street between a slit in the plate nailed up. Yesterday there had been screams outside but I saw no body. Of course I knew why. I still haven’t seen one.

The world is dying and all I can think about is the blonde little kid with green eyes. The kid I talked to just a few weeks ago was surfing in warm waters. The kid was unable to get on the fully packed flights home. I’m never going to see my brother again.

I’m not ready to die.

I remember waking up in that cold and hollow room.

With walls so white and beds so quiet.

My head is restrained with help of a soft touch and all I can do is stare at the clock. 

People around me cry as they have seen my slowly rising eyes.

The caring mother,

   the scared and loving friends,

      the men in blue,

All with one question.

- What happened to you?

My tears sting as they fall down my cheeks, the salt is mixed with open flesh, as I move my mouth to answer I do not know.

All I remember is a pain in my back and the concrete on my face. The rest is blank. I do not know.

As the men in white tend to my every wound, cut and stitch I watch them with blue caring eyes. These men that once seemed so unafraid and heroic now sits by my side with a look as though they’ve lost all might.

A question is written in their smile - how could anyone let this happen?

I close my eyes to keep the questions out and to replay it all only in my mind.

All along I have known, it was my brother who did it.

I feel the breeze surround my bare arms and hold on tight. Too tight. Breathe.

I rush around every corner. Maybe, just maybe, this time I’ll see.

You are there, always near… But never here.

I walk before I think. I climb before I hold. I scream before I know.

It has taken so long for you to show your face.

It has taken so long for me to get in line.

It has been like greeting an old friend.

I feel the sun stroke my bare arms and hold me tight. I am breathing.