My body tries to protect me

To resist or reject the toxins

It pushes back.

My response?

Push back harder.

No one makes choices for me

Not even me.

It’s the way you look at me.

The way you look at him.

How you talk about me.

How you talk about him.

In all our time

With all the places we’ve been

The sights we shared

I got nothing more than a cold stare from your eyes.

Whenever you saw him

Whenever you thought or talked of him

You were bright eyed and inspired

& nothing could extinguish that fire.

The love in your eyes

Only came to me as you pleaded

For me not to leave

Or if I was good on my knees.

I write the narrative

This story is mine.

I will live as I see fit

I will do what I want.

This is the end of me

The beginning of you.

You precious fucking monster

Till I see her again

It'll all be upside down

Never know a smile

A constant frown

If only

If only

I weren't upside down.

I'm stressed. I put out so much of myself in what I do, that I feel as if there's less of me because of it. The strain it puts on my body, the worries that scramble my mind. To go so unappreciated and undervalued for what you do, what you're willing to do, is what makes me feel empty. To put out your all and to have nothing left for yourself. For every slap on the wrist, how many pats on the back did I receive? For every hour of every day stolen from my life, how was I compensated? It's fleeting now. This drive, that compulsion, to keep me going. Don't leave me unresolved

He's not here anymore. The person you fell for so many moons ago. You've been holding hands with a ghost for far too long, it's starting to show. That shadow you follow around is going to be the death of you. Let go of my hand. Stop looking at me like I'm here. I'm long gone, and I wish you could move on. I know this pain all too well, and it's what made me who I am today. That's why I'd never do it to another soul alive or dead. Don't covet the dead, embrace the living.

Once again love has left me blind. Your beautiful misery was something to behold. A wonder before my very eyes. The pain and heartache you carry only showed me the depths of you. And it was beautiful. The words you speak and the way you think makes me melt. You're a star babe, I'm just tired of looking at you.

My head is riddled with the thought of you. I ache for your touch and it's nowhere in sight. I miss your voice, yet it's nowhere to be heard. You, this divine creature that cared about me so indifferently. Me, just skin and bones, with so little to offer someone as special as you. Stop trying to be better, get better. This halfway is hell and I know too well I'll be stranded here without you. And it'll be the death of this me.