To believe in yourself and who you are

To aspire to be more than just anybody

To be true to your heart as well as your soul

To be more than the mistakes you may make

To strike a spark that ignites your spirit

To look for a light within any great darkness

To accept all that you may never understand

To believe in things that can’t be seen or explained

To keep fighting when all the fight has left

To trust in something greater then yourself

To move forward when it hurts to move at all

To keep steady when the chaos is stirred

To be okay with the flaws and faults of others

To not lose hope when your faith runs astray

To never allow your spirit to be lost or hindered

To forgive even when you may never forget

To see in yourself someone you’d never change

I used to wish I was something else. That I was someone else. I chose to stand on the sidelines when given the choice. I thought it was easier to not exist then it would be to pretend to fit in. It’s funny how that kind of thing can affect you when you’re young, and without any grasp of your true identity. I used to not only think, but whole heartedly believe that I was nothing. I saw myself through a filter of indifference, and seperation from those around me. That self inflicted dissaproval consumed the world around me. It lead me straight into the dirt, where I found too many ways to destroy myself. It felt good. The self destructivness that ruled the better half of my adolesence. I didn’t escape it until I was a young adult. Slowly, bit by bit, I cut away the disaproving, and disturbing view I had on myself. I started to see things clearer. Little pieces of myself that I’d taken for granted were the same little things that had begun to define who I was. Those were the things that allowed me to find my ability to accept, and understand the woman that I was born to be.. because I found the ability to understand, and accept the person I’d always felt like inside myself. The heart, the spirit, the soul, and the mind. These pieces of the puzzle that I as a whole created. I was so unable to see the beauty in them for so long, but before I knew it, I had an epic view of the whole picture.. and even better, I had a clear view of what lay under the surface. I had a clear view of what the foundation, and the core of that puzzle were. I slowly began to appreciate, and enjoy what I was uncovering in myself. I loved the way that the patterns, and shapes, and colors were so unique, and imperfect in their own way. I loved the way that there was all this character, and all this distinctiveness in every single inch of the design. By the time I was able to put all the pieces together, I couldn’t really have cared less what the hell I was even looking at. Because it had never been the picture that’d ever even mattered. It was something so much deeper, and so much more real than any appareance I could ever see looking back at me in the mirror.

That was the moment that I grew into the woman I am today, and shed the girl I was before. The one that’d shut herself down before she’d had ever even had a chance to shine. That was the day in which I learned to love myself for the reasons that were worthwhile, and to never take myself too seriously for silly things that I’d once defined myself by.

There is so much beauty that we cannot see in other people. Those around us who just pass by, or those who we allow their flaws to be the center of our focus. There has to be room for fault. There has to be forgiveness for failure. There has to be acceptance for imperfection. There has to be gratitude for the little things. The details that so many of us take for granted. They are hidden throughout each, and every one of us. I think it’s so important to be able to look at someone, (including our own selves) as a whole.. and to be able to love them even more for their flaws, or for their differences. We are all so unique in ways that are so special, and so very beautiful.. and I love being able to see that light in every single detail of someone.

Preciously inexplicable.

Taken for granted.

A certain magic.

So captivating.

So dangerous.

Nothing could compare.

At best im just a stranger

One that keeps her head held down

At best I’m nothing but a girl

Who’s path will never make a sound

At best I’m just the memory

Of a time when he felt alive

At best I’m just the passing thought

One he learned to set aside

At best there is no point to this

Only because he’ll never know

At best there might’ve been a chance

Of which my heart may have bestowed

At best he has forgotten my name

Or perhaps he sold it for some high

At best he found what he was looking for

Oh how I wish that had been I.

She stirs

She strikes

She blurs

She fly's

She moves

She minds

She proves

She defines

She knows

She needs

She blooms

She bleeds

She reaches

She fights

She breeches

She bites

My sweetest surrender. I was born by your feet. Bended knees came too easy. I fell apart admist you're heat. You summoned my deepest fire. I invited you deep inside. You spoke not a single word. Instead your eyes warned my abide. So prurient for such desire. I followed you down the hall. Stripped down by my only bones. I saw every last unbroken law. I climbed abord like rising skies. I loved that view from down below. You ventured through my deepest valley. To the parts of me only you know. Your mouth comensed my steady current. The rivers ran in your own name. I reached the limit of my control. My body will now never be the same.

Certain speculation lead me to believe that there was no such thing as free. In a world that comes distinctively to every individual, it’s always hard to see eye to eye. I grew up on the edge of the middle class, never hungry, but always starving for more. I find that it is our own perspective that sets the stage of our own happiness. What feels to me like starvation is probably the equivalent of someone else’s satisfaction. I know enough however to always be grateful for everything I’ve ever had. I know to not take for granted the hard work of a mans labor. I know to always have compassion for those who go to bed at night without a roof over their head. I learned through the years how greedy we can become. Seeing on repeat the way that those who have their hands full are more than often unable to muster an inch of remorse for how it might feel to live without having anything. The idea of having more, or less being the grounds in which we live just seems dehumanizing in too many ways.. And though wealth seems to always win the race, in the end, it’s all too corrupt to leave room for any other outcome. I find that true wealth is inequivalent to true happiness, and that true happiness is far more fulfilling, and far more worthwhile than any wealth could ever be. How easily our reality is blinded when our world is filled by the fiction, and illusion of unnecessary nonsense. How easily we lose sight of what we truly need when we are lost in the glimmer of having anything we could ever want. One mans worth should never be measured by the sum of his profits, nor the emptiness of his pockets.. but in the end I guess that’s just too much to ask.

I remember you.

In vibrant rays of memories.

In fleeting waves of precious recollection.

I remember you.

In her favor, I let the walls burn down. I knew her own concern better than I knew my own freedom. The part of her that stung to touch. The part of her that never stopped smiling. The part of her that kept me coming back. That kept me calling out her name. No matter how deep, or dark the water got. Because I could see it every time I glanced in her direction. She was sad, and at times she was scared. But never once did I see her shake. Never once did she shudder, or try to cover her eyes. No. Instead, her eyes burned brighter with every tear, and every turn.

From the ashes of my cigarette. Something seemed off. Perhaps my own decision. The reasoning of my heart. Wounded, and unkind. I was never meant to be so broken. But that’s the thing about life. About love. Our pain, it defines the best of us. Measured beyond our greatest trait. I’d trade the best for the worst. A rematch of my darkest days. When the warrior within me fought. To the end. To the death. To the divinity within. I know I’m not there anymore. But there’s still something that burns. Deep inside where my demons struck gold. Against my spirit. Against my soul. No, I was never safe here. In the comfort of my own two hands. Destruction seemed beautiful.. and still to this day, it shines. Like diamonds in the dirt. Like stars in the night. I don’t know if I’ll survive my own severance. The cut marks that separate my past and present. But lord knows I’ll try.

Lord knows I’ll try.