Looking at love through a window
I sat alone in my room, my phone the only light present. As I scrolled through old messages errie shadows danced across my face. Ashley the girl I had loved before all of this , the start of my own hell. Our first date. My nerves got the better of me that day. All my attemps at akward conversation fell flat. All my insecurites screamed at me that day. After that date I crashed like drowning waves of an ocean. As I attempted to make up for the aweful first date I hung out with her at school still and as I tried to understand her and myself I was ripped away from her. As I tried to understand it she just got more and more angry at me. I was confused and depressed and even trying to ask for outside help blew up in my face since she had apparently spread rumors about me. After Ashley I was in a bottemless pit of despair. I was only accompanied by self doubt and regret. As I tried to put on a brave face Id always let something slip and it would make my days worse when people asked about the pain. Because this was real pain. Emotions of sorrow that had no names yet. A year later I met cheyenne a nice girl I met in theater. This time I said will be diffrent just gaurd your heart, distance yourself I said. I Was Wrong. At first I kept my feelings in check but slowly but surley as she laughed with me and played videogames against me I fell for her. I had all odds against me, rumors and some people cyberstalked my instagram notes feeding into a lie of who I really was they made connections that were not there. Even with all of this I presisted. But fate had other ideas. Once again I was looking at love from the outside in. Cheyenne had been dating another the whole time. Which made me a spector of my own love life. Rejection cutting like a knife more real than ever. I was lost and alone. In my senior year I met a girl and as prom was on the horizon I felt changed like I was anew. I knew I could brake the chains of love that binded me so. Her name was sydney. She was amazing. An artist who had many talents and she was so intreaging. As I tried to persue this exhilarating feeling I felt the chains of heartbreak tugging at me wanting to drag me back down. Despite that I fought back. The anguish feelings the couragious feelings. They have meaning because we the peopele who love refuse to forget them. So I held on to hope. I still do. Hold onto a hope where love in not a distant dream but a reality I could prosper in. A hope that was so tangible it would be like the girl I love.
Its not real
My hands enter the flame
I was to blame
As the flames flickered and danced
I took my final stance
As everything around me began to burn
The warmth of the flames I yearned
Soon I began to learn
As the fire began to burn
The flames would not hurt me
As the fire roared like the sea
Soon I was the fire and it was me
And so I lit the world in frenzy