the heart is impulsive and foolish

the heartstrings are easily tangled

the heart is naive, wants to believe

the heart ends up twisted & mangled

don't trust your heart when it's full

it'll lead you to certain destruction

a passionate heart will lead you astray

don't fall for a heartless seduction

protect your foolish heart selfishly

keep your weak heart safely guarded

to give up your secrets, you give up your power

trusting hearts get used & discarded

think about all the ones you've loved

they've left you in heartbroken pain

in order to love, be ready to bleed

that hurt can drive a person insane

but the traitorous body also has needs

lonely nights you'll yearn for the feel

the warmth of a body pressed against yours

for a passionate moment to steal

so find a warm body with smooth, supple skin

with lips that can kiss to distraction

with hands that feed the pleasures of flesh

Til you leave, smiling sweet satisfaction

moments of passion can draw you in

don't bask in the warm afterglow

get your ass up, get your ass home

don't even wake up here tomorrow

don't rest your head in the curve of a neck

do not cuddle or spoon or snuggle,

don't linger in bed, get dressed instead

deeper feelings lead to nothing but trouble

I don't write anymore

I don't take flight anymore

Grounded by a force

That I am unable to see

But your mind makes me soar

And I am content once more

To live, to love, to be

Peeled off like an orange peel,

seeds of bittersweet memories

sprayed through blindfolded eyes.

I couldn’t even remember my name

and you seemed to have forgotten too,

as I struggled to remember you at all.

I watched as my subconscious thoughts

packed their bags and traveled

to parts unknown as my name

balanced on the tip of my tongue

dove off into the depths of the sea

tangled in encrusted seaweed.

I’d forgotten how to swim

out of the past and feared that

I would drown as my name

flowed into dark cloudless night.

Never mind, I forgot YOU

as you hid in my body cavities

but my bones were unable to tell.

Alas, I used to know the answer

             BY HEART!

Nothing’s been the same since you

died

no matter how I slice it

no matter how I see it

no matter how much time attempts some bullshit move to heal it

You were in my blood and you will stay in my

blood

until my blood stops

and dries

your love and roots and every

bit of fur haunt me

no matter where I run

no matter which continent

or bar or highway

your little ghost

sits, sleeps, rides shotgun

your eyes the faintest of blue

looking wise in the sunshine

across the parks and ponds and lakes

and coasts

your little heart beating big enough

for my own

your belly against my palm

in all those shitty rooms

in shitty towns

or in the beds of

shitty women

you always knew I had

guts when nobody else

did

and you always knew I’d

pull us up and out of anywhere

we despised

closer to me than any human

will get

deeper under my skin than

my own bones

so far into my heart you’re still

the center

and though

your daddy was in jail

when you had to die

and though I don’t believe

in angels or anything beyond

carbon

you came to see me the first night

you were gone

and I held you on the slab in

the cell and fell asleep with my

hand on your stomach one last time

before you went off

to do something greater

than I could ever imagine

I want to take this afternoon

to tell you that I love you more than

anything

and no sacrifice I’ve ever made

to keep you

could hold a candle to how much

I still love you

six years past your

death

and I want to tell you here

that because of you

I know what unconditional love means

and if you were here now

I’d buy you the best of everything

even though you wouldn’t have

any idea what that means

but your little brother is almost

eleven now,

and he’s happy

and I still talk about you

and his tail still wags at the mention

of your name

and there’s even a little

girl in the mix now

she looks something like you

which is why she’s here

and while it’s true she doesn’t have your

shrewd, moody genius

I know you’d be proud that

I gave her a home

and on days like this

when the whiskey’s half gone

and I’m lost out on the road

while I wait for things to come through

while I cross my fingers and hope

things start to make sense

while I wait for the spines and brains around

me to grow

while tricky assholes have

siphoned my money

while I either do or do not

wait for eminent failure

or success

the Sun sits high and warm

and shines a beautiful

orange across the desert

while I sit in a hotel and

drink whiskey

to disappear back into

the days when you were

here

when I was alive

and we watched each other

swim

anywhere we chose

to swim

and while I’m sitting here

drunk

and staring into

darkness

I want to take this

moment

to tell you

I still love you.