It seems when I'm on Prose, clocks have wings.

It's a challenge to get off the computer. Mom has missed dialysis twice.  

I love the challenges. They make me think! I won one! Who cares if I was the only entry.

Like most of us the bad part is when I second guess whether or not I should have clicked on "Publish" because of potentially being offensive, you stupid Prosers just can't take a joke.

Sometimes I feel like "Oh I said too much, I was too vulgar, what if my associates read this shit!..I'll tell them it's fiction! or I must have a twin out there, I've never heard of it."

Erotica is not hard for me to write, I just can't click "Publish". It feels like taking my clothes off in public because...well I created it. I did try it once. But I didn't swallow.

Seriously,

I love to say, "Great write!, Awesome!"  and give unsolicited advice.

It's a playground for writers, I appreciate other Prosers talking with me! I don't have to comb my hair and no one sees the fugly me in the morning! 

I can create a story, or express an emotion. I get real psychological help knowing others have felt or understand some things just like I do. 

Some people's comments crack me up! I like to nose in on others bantering. Wait. This challenge was to say what I say or do that's honorable on Prose. I used the challenge telling how I feel. Oops, I failed this one. Honorable Things I Say and Do: Compliment and encourage others! It's always honorable to say something that helps someone else. 

When I woke that fated day,

It was with disbelief, with terror, with sorrow.

In my heart, that sprite of Hope ceased its dance,

Fell still and stared disbelieving through my eyes;

Our great nation,

Our immovable world,

Was suddenly in peril.

Hope is however, not the "thing with feathers" that Dickinson claimed;

It is a flame that warms, that soothes,

That sears.

As time passed, hope rekindled,

Glowed brightly,

Fiercely,

Dangerously.

It warmed me, and I clutched tight its heat in trembling hands.

But it was not to last.

Again, again, again the world crushed that weak hope,

And now I feel it dying again.

Yet one thing rekindles it,

One thought keeps it strong:

No matter how cruel or unjust the world becomes,

It is still my home,

And I cannot abandon it.

It was the end of the week on a Friday when I answered my telephone. Even before I picked up my phone, I felt that I could feel the sense of urgency to its demanding rings. I considered letting it continue to ring and leaving the office for the weekend, but in a job like mine, I knew that it could be an emergency with one of my psychiatric patients. I really wanted to go home to my cozy apartment and have a stiff drink since it had been a difficult week for me. I pictured and imagined the smell of the warm pot roast that my housekeeper had left in my oven. I hadn’t had time to eat any lunch and was ravenous.

“Hello,” I said into the mouthpiece, trying not to show my annoyed feelings. “This is Dr. Cohen.”

“Dr. Cohen, this is Jade. I just needed to hear your reassuring voice. I am feeling shaky and a little unhinged. The last couple of months have been challenging for me.”

I felt a tremor of concern course through my body upon hearing Jade’s voice. She seldom called me with good news. “Jade, is anything wrong? Where are you? Is your husband okay?” I really hated to ask these questions but believed that I needed to get to the bottom of Jade’s obvious emotional state. At the same time, I felt a little aroused as I waited for her tale to begin to unfold. Jade took the actions that were only ‘pie in the sky’ for me. My admiration for Jade began to increase as I saw her reach for her dreams once again. I could imagine such things but I did not have the guts to follow through. One day, I hoped to let my inhibitions go.

“Oh, Dr. Cohen, I am no longer in North Dakota and I am no longer with my husband.”

“Did you get a divorce or are you separated?” I asked hopefully, needing her to assure me that he was still in the land of the living. However, I knew that this was unlikely.

“My beloved husband, Jim, had a terrible accident. The bed of a truck came down suddenly and crushed him to death. Please don’t think it was my fault – it was an accident. The truck mechanism malfunctioned and slammed down on him. The insurance company admitted that the truck was defective and settled out of court,” Jade promised with muffled sobs. “I am so upset and will miss him so terribly.”

I really did not believe Jade entirely but she was so convincing. I knew that I must give her the benefit of the doubt. And she did sound very distressed and troubled. “Jade, are you all right? I am so sorry. I know that you really seemed to like this husband. Where are you? Would you like to come in to see me? Is there anything else bothering you that you want to talk about?” In my heart, I wanted Jade to be a normal person and I couldn’t help but care about her. She had been my patient for a long time and I felt a connection to her. Her downward erosion seemed to be pulling my values down to her levels and I couldn’t do anything about it. I also was beginning to become sexually aroused by the tales of her exploits, although I did not want to admit my shortcomings.

“I had to get away from North Dakota after the tragedy,” informed Jade. “I am in the sunshine in Miami Beach trying to get back to normal. I need this time to rest and recuperate and can’t get in to see you now. But there is something I need to discuss with you. Do you have a few minutes?”

“Of course, Jade,” I reassured her. “Is something bothering you other than the tragic death of your husband?”

“Dr. Cohen, I am still having feelings of paranoia. I am sure that some sinister person is watching me and wants to do me harm. He seems to be inside my mind, making me believe that he is responsible for the hardships and pain in my life. Is this a just a figment of my imagination or is this really happening to me? I try not to have these feelings but they are beginning to overcome me. They seem to persist day and night and I find it hard to go on with my life.”

“My plan is beginning to work,” I thought. “Soon Jade will be completely consumed by her paranoia. I think that she will eventually be unable to function and I won’t have to take any drastic actions. The course of her behavior needs to stop and I must become the master manipulating his puppet.” My slight body seemed to expand and become more powerful as I took charge of my patient.

“Jade,” I assured her, “if you think something is so, it is true in your mind. You must avoid the conduct that brings on your paranoia. It might be reaching the time that you need to take yourself away from the world to a place where you can be helped and medicated. Do you think that now is the time when you feel ready for this kind of solitude and peace from your thoughts?” I smiled as I thought of having Jade in my complete control where she would have no choice but to cater to my every whim. “Yes,” I thought, “an institution would be perfect for her and I could see her whenever I wanted.”

I listened as Jade’s mood completely changed from darkness to light.

“Dr. Cohen, I am fine,” she chirped with a lilt in her voice. “I was just feeling some doubts and needed to hear your voice. I feel much better now. Thanks for helping me and talking to me. I will keep in touch with you.” She had dismissed me summarily, as if my advice had no merit.

Hearing the phone disconnect, I held the phone in my hand, unable to put it down. I was overcome by a feeling of apprehension. I was angry that she did not listen to my advice. A chill convulsed my body but I knew that I could do no more. Maybe in the future, Jade would be more amenable to my suggestions. If not, I would have to do whatever I could to stop her. I really did not want to do what I feared would be necessary.

_____________________________________________________________________

Title:  Jade Murder Without Remorse

Genre: Psychological Thriller 

Age Range:  Adult from 18 to 80

Word Count this write: 1100 words Book Word Count 64987 words

Author Name:  Pen Name: Sari Lantana Real Name: Claire Grebin

Why a good fit: This book would be a good fit because it is an exciting psychological thriller which would appeal to many readers.  It has a very unique twist that no one will be able to foresee. It is very well researched and delves into psychological aberrations.

The hook:  The subject of this book is a psychopathic murderer.  The book delves into what caused her to be this way and is seen through a psychiatrist's eyes. Every murder draws the reader in but the conclusions reached will not be what is expected.

synopsis: Escape into the realm of the beautiful, psychopathic Jade who commands both love and hate as she charges forward in many twists and turns, engineering novel ways to kill her four husbands. Become immersed in the world of renowned psychiatrist, Dr. Cohen, who is conducting a research study on psychopaths, hoping to understand them and prevent them from treading on dangerous paths. The story of Jade is told as seen through the eyes of Dr. Cohen. But Dr. Cohen has a hidden, devious aspect as he finds himself becoming involved in a symbiotic relationship with Jade. Against his better judgment, he finds himself wishing that he had the courage to take a risk and explore the dark side as his patient does. Will he have the courage to step over the line? The suspense mounts to a conclusion that will be both shocking and unexpected. Ride this thrilling adventure into the uncharted future because the ending will prove challenging and out of the realm of imagination of even the most astute.

Target Audience:  Adults of any age.

Bio Platform:  I am a self-taught writer, college educated and have a background of owning and operating a dive boat charter business from Miami to the Bahamas where I saw many unusual situations and interesting characters which made me want to write my first book, Bahama Red, Intrigue on the High Seas, which is based loosely on my experiences.  I now have a second book, Jade Murder Without Remorse, and am working on my third book, Half of Me is Missing, which will tie back to my book, Jade Murder Without Remorse.  My books are published as e-books. I write on Prose daily and am number one on their popularity list so have many followers.

Personality:  I am creative in most areas such as my writing and I also paint and sell my work.  I love adventure and like to incorporate it into my books.  I love to walk, do aerobics, go to the gym and I also like to socialize. I have a love for the sea and often include it in my work.  I am lucky enough to live in a little seaside town which feeds my passion.  I love to research my books so that the reader will become fascinated but not feel overwhelmed by pedantic facts.  I love to fool the reader so the ending will be completely unexpected.

Likes/Hobbies:  I write, paint, sew, enjoy friends, fish, like the beach, enjoy exercise, prolific reader.

Hometown:  Flagler Beach, Florida

If a million hands could build, a wall a million hands could break it down.

I believe only in good and I will only fight when it goes against my values or what I believe in. Because of this, many people hate me and they build walls against me. Walls of hate and negativity. The walls these people build will be torn down in time. When I find the right people to help me, the hate will be gone. Masked by love and kindness. No matter what never give even if the wall goes higher and higher it will be torn down and it will disappears. May seem like forever, but that time is going to come.

Please go listen to this song. I loved it a lot and there are many versions this was the one that was introduced to me. It is called hands by ... I actually do not know everyone who sings it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnumaX_EJhE&list=PLVqrDQ-gTP1tNSYPRMJIXj_MjqQz2XeWZ&index=7 

I was born sick, but I love it.  _Take me to church Holzer

My parents hate me for who I am. I am a person. A loving, kind-hearted person. They can never see the true me and they hate who they think I am. No matter how much I try and change, they are not happy. Now, I have no care for what they say, I lost all emotion (on the outside) for what they say and do to me. I love myself, I love who I am, and I love my intentions. I am sad that people cannot look behind the mask of their words. All the people see is what they describe me as. This has happened so many times, I have have gotten questions based what they said. Want a good example: I was holding a fork protecting myself against my abusive dad who was chasing and when he reached to hit me he hit the fork. He told my mother I stabbed him and she believed him. Now, my whole family avoids me and uses this against me. I was protecting myself. Another is, my brother burned his hand on the oven and they said I walked away. I felt so bad, I was standing there and I was so scared. Scared of them. I never harmed and still haven't. They use this against me and it tears me down.On the side note, if you could see me right now my face is red a puffy and I am crying. Both of these tear me down and now people see me as this terrible person I am not. Sorry if you do not care, not many of you will and I do not want sympathy. I am tired of people acting like they care and then they turn their backs. I guess I will be alone and no one will see the true lovely person I am.