Reflection.

How not only just the act, but the word holds such weight.

There are moments in life where you realize you have grown to a different facet of yourself. Aspects of you and yourself are nothing like you once held. It's in those moments that you should humbly relish in the fact that you did what you once thought you could never do.

Anything is possible.

Sometimes I feel like parts of me have grown over the age I am, while other parts still tuck themselves under the table anytime fight or flight gets activated.

Parts of me are ready to take on the world in ways nobodies ever seen, cause it’s not the tasks of life that are oblique. It’s the parts of me that do not understand humans and the contradictions they each delicately produce. That everyone is inherently different and everything exists. That the way you speak with one is not how you speak to another; how can you tell before you have to fix?

One persons this is what I need is another’s get away from me. How do you teach your mind to understand these things before it’s too bleak?

Parts of me have rooted and sprouted to tall oak trees swaying gracefully in the breeze; while other parts are struggling to grow past being a seed.

Spinning around, trying all the hard surfaces; never any soft cracks to fall through. I’ll just keep rolling beside the stones, my seeds shell can’t seem to be pierced into.

All I need is some dirt and space to let the seeds grow, one day a crack through will show. Learning is done through trial and error, its how anything was ever mastered or invented. How are you supposed to get better at skills that require practise with other people in real time moments believing they have your best intentions at heart while still needing to learn everything by yourself before those moments can even exist in reality in the first place?

Let’s circle back to square one.

I guess I’ll have to write the book on human complexities; it’ll be the only way to understand what’s been done.

Cycles. Circling around themselves until it all blends and blurs into one.

Shall we rinse and repeat,

always gravitating towards steady defeat?

Dismantling the antlers

put forth for us to retreat…

Can we ultimately expand

into the cosmos fractured plan?

We’re not meant to win,

just to love and understand.

Illusions. Reality can only be defined once it’s truly begun.

I tried to give myself to you

I thought that you could follow through

Left me with your condescending alcoholic blues

Always contingent on your connectivity

With your shining narcissistic personality

Throwing round gaslighting tendencies

All we had was going round and round

Silently screaming, gasping for sound

You held my heart completely underground

Frankensteins undead, keep your eyes down

Why can’t we play nice

It’s just torment to fatigue

Hopeless consideration

With apprehensive empathy

I tried to bring it back to life

My electric current can’t be found

Flatline with a smile across your face,

Whispering “No resuscitation allowed”

Purgatory’s parade would make Dante proud

Excruciating masks in every crowd

We all have our limits, some in the clouds

Being human was all I ever had asked

Reciprocation was never basked

Was it that hard to just live unmasked

You flew me high with your angel wings

Then let me fall from 10,000 feet

Self preservation the name of your game

I could never compete, can’t take all the blame

No resuscitation allowed

You are the culmination of everything you've ever put into your body and every experience you have ever had.

Now what are you going to do with it?

Your story isn't designed to keep you down. If you're at a wall, tear some pages out and re-write some things. You can't change the past, but you sure as hell can create better choices today to give yourself the chance at the life you truly want.

~ Miss Riddle

And

~~~

Beating beneath this brimmed breast,

lies a soul within this tangled chest.

Crying out not for the sword of stone,

learning to bury the bastard bone.

Flights overhead cast in the wind,

trees tremble with the voice within.

Bringing truth to the table of choice,

will ignorance bleed out your precious voice?

Tasting the fury of what we can give,

saving the blind that forget how to live.

Forgotten memories of what is right;

Only you can change in the dark of the night.

~ Miss Riddle

6 months

That’s how long it’s been since I’ve shared my time with you

6 months

The fruits of my labour are finally starting to shine through

6 months

Is what it took to regain my breath and magic again

8 months

Since I felt you throw me to the wall, all in the name of a friend

8 months

Since you stopped believing in who I am

9 months

Since I was told who I am held no worth

9 months

I tried to be there through your friends curse

10 months

We shared the same values and held care for each other

11 months

Building happy memories were the norm, I never expected we’d suffer

You add another year backwards of memories off and on and you’ll see why through the algebraic equation, the reason I don’t believe anyone.

I’m everything you can think of, and it’s everything I’m not;

Welcome to my riddle, this enchanted paradox.

While you were sleeping, I built this up with clay and stone...

For you eccentric enigmas, this is where I built us a home.

~ Miss Riddle