A challenge.

A war.

To make it

Clear.

A bang.

A clash.

Not a

Birthday bash.

Pots and

Kettles.

Roses with

Nettles.

A relationship.

It’s damned.

A definition?

It’s cramped!

Two heads.

One room..

A poisonous

Cocoon.

Eyebrows

Are knotted.

Brawls

Unsorted.

Crimson

And black.

A blemished

Crack..

A family

Burned.

The tables

Are turned...

A knot

In my hand..

With love

Comes demand.

How shall I

Unwind it?

Will I win

Or forfeit?

.

.

.

.

The knots

Are in display.

Touch the fire..

Burn the day.

Do you clasp your fingers together

Afraid to let your past

Slip through the gaps

Please

Open your fingers a crack

And let my fingers slip

Through the spaces

Of your hand

That carry the past

And instead

Take my hand

Into your future

I lived alone. Sheltered under wooden beams within soundproof walls. Everything that happened in my home was in my control. I ran my fingers through the coarse hair on my head as gray strands fell out of my scalp. I let them float to the floor. I picked up a mug on my nightstand, the one that was given to me in the mail by my daughter last Christmas, and threw it against the magenta wall. Shattered. I took a step back, letting the sun seeping in from the window shine bright into my eyes. Sunlight - illuminating children playing on a tire swing in the park outside of my home. There was a peacefulness to the sight. A feeling washed over me, and for the first time in what seemed like forever, I wasn’t numb. I rummaged through the closet to find my coat, and turned the knob on the front door, hesitating only for a moment. The children turned to face me, the look on their faces was like they had just witnessed the return on Frankenstein. I moved towards the children, finding a spot on the tire swing next to a red headed girl. A little boy with dainty freckles stepped forward and began to push the swing. Suddenly, I was flying. With my eyes closed I imagined a life without borders. A life like the one I had when I was a child, before the attack. Before I needed to shut myself in, to remove the possibility of being violated again. There was something frightening, yet enchanting about the unknown. Knowing that life could be good or bad, or maybe both. I had lived in the same house, doing the same things, without anybody else for thirty years. The same routine every day. I was done. Predictability was over. My new life had begun.

There are lights outside

Hanging from the ceiling

Like mini flying saucers

Hovering above the street.

There are books

Outside

Floating on see-through shelves

Full of invisible words.

There are ghosts of people

Sitting at tables

As cars pass through them.

Reflections

Making the outside

Other than it is

As my reflections

Make the world a different place.

What am I to you, if not the paper cover to a book?

A book you dare not read because the portrait on the front appears tarnished and complex.

A book whose words have been smudged by the bottles of liquor I use to chase the burning thoughts inside my mind.

I’ve been told I have an old soul,

Maybe that’s because my spirit has had its body in the pool of my tears for far to long,

Hands all pruned by the memories it has tried to down ,

Bruises in its thighs from how hard self hate tends to fuck her,

You know, If I could be anything, I’d be a glass of vodka, a line of cocaine,

I’d be the inhalation of every fucking cigarette,

So I’d never know the feeling of being let go,

Instead I’m a penny on the ground, easily taken for granted,

I’m a child’s toy, played with and forgotten,

I’m the paper cover to a book, a book you dare not read.

Unknown is infinitely familiar

Unlimited, in permeating our lives

Shadows cast in the light of the known, overlooked in its omnipresence.

New life, yet to unfold.

Dark death, a story untold.

Unspecified time, between our beginning and end.

Infinite possibilities, of the time we will spend.

Undetermined lives, until we decide our fate.

Undiscovered alternatives, to the reality we create.

Forgotten pasts, of history lost.

Indefinite futures, roads twisted and crossed.

Anonymous gods, who we give a name.

Nameless people, living a fateful game.

Frontiers to discover.

Secrets to uncover.

Foreign to you is familiar to me.

Mysterious minds, colouring what we see.

Unidentified creatures, living outside our sight

Unexplained phenomena that elude the light.

Faceless strangers, writing across time and space.

Alien worlds, in their imaginary place.

Known is an instant of one reality.

Unknown, stretches beyond infinity.

The Unknown.

No.

No.

Take me to the known.

It's not about the feeling of familiarity or safety.

It's not about the comfort of routine and expectation.

It's about the idea that actions and emotions matter.

I don't want to go into the black and disappear

like everybody else.

#depression #suicideawareness

What do you want?

Like what do you really want in life?

I know it sounds like a silly question, but it’s one of the most important questions you should ask yourself. It truly is.

Because if you don’t know what you want in life, then how are you going to get it?

It’s like wanting to travel somewhere, having your car and your passport ready, but having no destination.

What’s going to happen is that you won’t go anywhere, or worse you’ll find yourself driving around without any destination...

And that might be the case...

... For my travel analogy, that means that the car you’re driving is extremely hot and uncomfortable.

And you might say, if that’s the case, then why bother with it?

And people really do ask that question, so might you…

For the past month or so, I’ve been thinking a lot about life

And when people say that, they usually mean what they want to do in life.

Whether that be their career

Or relationships

Or entertainment or leisure

But I’ve been thinking differently.

Of course, I’ve been thinking about those things but I’ve also been thinking about how much of your life is really yours.

How much of your life is really being lived to its full potential?

Are you living?

Or are you just existing?

On average you’re gonna get about 79 years on this big rock called Earth

If you live in Monaco, it’s closer to 90. If you live in Chad, you’ll be lucky to get 50

Regardless, we don’t get 79 years of freedom. We have responsibilities and things that we can’t ignore.

Most importantly our bodies!

Assuming you sleep 8 hours a night on average about a third of your life over 26 years is gonna be spent sleeping.

So right away, we’re down from 79 to 53 but it doesn’t stop there.

Chances are if you’re reading this prose, you have gone to school or are going to one.

In the United States, you’ll go for at least 12 years

8 hours a day 5 days a week for 36 weeks a year.

This amounts to 17,280 hours spent just inside the school building…

But wait, we also have to factor in homework and out-of-school activities among other things.

So this is more like 22,000 to 25,000 hours or about 3 years of your life.

If you go to college or university afterwards, make it 5 years less, this means we’re down to 48 years.

Well, all this schooling and money you’ve spent getting a degree has to be put to some use right?

Chances are you’ll try and get a job in the field of whatever it is your degree is in, It’ll probably be a full-time job. So you’ll be working 40 hour weeks pretty regularly if not more than that.

Let’s say you get two weeks of vacation per year. The average person works for about 40 to 50 years of their life…

… So we’ll just go with the average and say 45.

Over your entire life, you’ll work on average about 90,000 hours or about 10 years of your life. We have 38 years left.

Wait, depending on where you live your commute to work will vary, you might drive yourself

You might walk or you might use an Uber or a taxi.

Regardless, your commute to and from work on average takes about one and a half hours a day.

Adding this up over your entire working career. It amounts to 17,500 to 20 hours or about two years of your life.

36 years left.

All of this work and studying really builds up an appetite. So you should probably spend some time eating.

On an average day, we spend about 70 minutes just eating food to survive.

In your 79 years of life, you’ll spend about 32,000 hours just eating or about 4 years of your life.

Down to 32.

Well after you’re done eating you have to clean up and maybe do some chores around the house.

On average you spend about one hour a day doing tasks just around your house

Cleaning up after you eat washing dishes, doing laundry, showering and plenty of other stuff

This amounts to nearly 29,000 hours over the course of your life or about three years.

29 years left.

Eventually, all of that food and water has to leave your body somehow, so, You’ll spend about three months of your life just sitting on the toilet… yeah :|

Of course, we also waste time and we do it pretty well.

Over the course of our lifetimes, we’ll spend about 115,000 hours on our phones or about 13 years.

This, of course, is just your phone. This doesn’t include you watching TV, you playing games among other things.

16 years left.

Assuming you can afford to retire at the average age of 62, You’ll spend the rest of your life living the luxuries of retirement if you can still function properly.

Over 50% of retired people over the age of 65 have some sort of disability.

With 15% of those people having three or more.

Chances are if you are one of these people you’ll be in and out of medical care pretty often, So those final 16 years of freedom you have aren’t exactly freedom.

So overall you have one year in your 79-year life to really and truly do what you want to do

But despite the age, whether you’re young or old, you may be nearing the end of your time with some of the most important people in your life.

For example, while you’re young and in school from the ages of 1 to 18, You’ll most likely be spending nearly every day in the presence of your parents.

After you finish your schooling, your parents are probably in their mid-40s, so they have about 30 years left in their life.

The real world starts to set in. Your job, you’re possible relationships, you’re important things to do in life take priority.

Eventually, if you leave your hometown, you’ll only be seeing your parents around holidays and special occasions. Maybe 10 days a year.

So…

300 days left with the people who brought you into the world, whereas before, you would see them almost every single day.

You have already spent 95% of the time that you will ever spend with your parents in the first 18 years of your life.

And now you only have the remaining 5% for the rest of your life.

At the end of the day, there’s only one thing that matters and that’s your own happiness.

Well, what many people don’t realize is that they do so many things in life just to try and succeed as opposed to fulfilling a purpose.

They work a job they hate for 40 years just to make that extra $30,000 a year so they can afford a car that they only drive to work.

It’s temporary happiness, not genuine happiness.

People who go to school go to become a doctor or just get an education, just because their mom or their dad or somebody else told them to…

… not because they actually want to.

I really hope that every single person reading this Prose entry of mine gets insanely rich and famous so that they could finally realize that this isn’t the point of life.

The point is to be happy with what you’re doing while you’re doing it.

Alright, sure… The 45 working years or however long you’re working is going to be hard to get past…

But what if you don’t hate waking up every day to go to work? What if your work is your happiness?

You see life isn’t a straight path. You can’t map it out perfectly one-to-one. It just doesn’t work like that.

We spend every day planning on what we’re going to do the next instead of just taking in the day for what it actually is.

Sure, we have to eat, duh, but what if we spend that time eating with friends or family or just people who make your life better?

Your commute to work might be long and tedious sometimes but what if you spend that time listening to podcasts or carpooling with coworkers and friends… Then, The 13 years we waste on our phones might seem useless.

… But what if we use that time to build the business you’ve always wanted to or build the brand you’ve always wanted or write a Prose entry to talk to people about the random ideas you get.

You’ll bring so much value to people that you never even thought was possible.

Let’s say you take care of yourself and regularly work out and eat decently well, your chances of being healthy later in life are much more likely and you’ll have much more free time to master the things that you really want whether that be a skill or just relationships with others.

No matter what you or I or any person on this planet does, time doesn’t stop for anyone.

Time is the one thing you cannot get back!

if you lose a lot of money, it’s fine! You can get more.

If your friend decides to turn their back on you, It’s fine! There are millions of people out there in the same situation.

But the time… You can’t get it back. Once it’s gone, It’s gone.

How many days have you spent doing the same mundane tasks that you hate and more importantly when is it going to end?

Life is about choices and every choice you’ve ever made has led you to this exact moment reading this Prose entry.

Given that you only have one life at least in this universe, Why not make your own decisions?

So many people live life predicated on somebody else’s opinion, which is dumb.

People have so many barriers in life, but they aren’t really about money. They aren’t about time

They aren’t about how you look, it’s about opinions.

… Other people’s opinions.

Probably about 90% of people are unhappy because they value someone else’s opinion more than their own.

When you’re old and unable to do the things that you could have when you’re younger, You’ll regret it and regret hurts more than any breakup, failure, or anything else that ever could!

Life doesn’t have to suck, you don’t have to regret everything.

That fear of missing out is a poison!

Instead of living trying to mimic people you see on Instagram or YouTube or social media just live based on your own terms.

Instead of just observing and living passively really start to think about what you do with your time.

Does that mean call your boss and tell him you quit? No; does that mean to drop out of school tomorrow? No.

All it means is to truly decide what you want in life and put yourself in the right direction.

It’s not gonna happen overnight. That’s not the point. There would be no journey then.

As cliche as it sounds, your 79-year journey here is very short.

Sure. It’s technically the longest thing you’ll ever do, But the universe is 13.8 billion years old.

If the universe’s history was condensed down into 24 hours, the world as we know it with cars and airplanes and civilization as we know it would only come into existence in the very last second.

Block out any and all negativity in your life. And once you can truly realize that the only opinion that matters is your own.

Life can get pretty clear, and the noises inside your head get pretty quiet! :)