The Meaning of Life, and Other Clichés
1.
Half past one, Greenwich Mean Time, earthwise.
The kids would have come home from school now.
She would be having her lunch.
What the hell!
What’s wrong?
How long are we going to be earthbound? When are we going to realize that we are stranded – trapped – on this planet of tall mountains, huge lakes and thick jungles and no sentient life? We will be spending the rest of our lives here, both of us.
I still don’t get it. What’s wrong with thinking and talking about earth and – and about our people back there?
But damn it! It seems so useless, so futile.
So do a lot of other things, like us sitting here and tossing pebbles into the lake.
One of these days, I think I am going to toss my watch into the lake. It doesn’t seem right, counting the days and nights of this planet in earthly units of time.
Hmm. You are right. It does seem out of place. Don’t worry about your watch, though. One of these days it’s battery is going to run down and it will stop functioning and you will be saved from the bother of throwing it into the lake.
2.
Do you see those strange, creatures floating on the air?
Remind me of manta rays.
Remind me more of the mythical will-o-the-wisps.
Are they predators? Could they harm us?
Why take chances? Let us hide in the cave.
3.
Are you afraid of loneliness?
Yes, yes I am.
So am I.
Why?
Why what?
Why do we fear loneliness?
I have a pet theory about it. When I am lonely - with no ties of companionship with anybody – then my mind starts working in a strange way. It projects the immenseness of the multidimensional cosmos before me and against this background I find myself, my whole existence, too small, too insignificant, too unimportant. And it is this feeling of insignificance that a person fears.
And what happens when a person is not alone?
Then links and bonds are formed between that person and the companions. With these links and bonds comes strength. With these links and bonds, the existence of the person spreads itself beyond the person remaining insignificant no longer.
4.
I dreamt of her today.
I too dreamt of my wife and kids.
Did your wife and children speak to you in your dream?
As a matter of fact, they did.
She spoke to me today.
What did she say?
She said she loves me, and she smiled and there were tears in her eyes. Did I ever tell you that she gets dimples when she smiles? We were planning to get married this year.
Of what use dreams?
Dreams are real. They are just a different kind of reality.
Listen. I just had a dreadful thought. What would happen if back there on earth, your girl friend, my wife and kids, our friends, in short all the people who love us all of a sudden stop loving us, stop thinking about us, stop caring for us.
Shut up. Don’t say it. Don’t even think it. It should not happen. It cannot happen. I will always be remembered.
Yes. I can see you feel about it the same way that I do. But why? In God’s name, why? Why do we feel the way we do? Of what importance to us are thoughts and feelings of people billions of miles away from us? Can you answer me that? Can you?
No. The only thing I know is that this belief that someone somewhere really loves me, this belief is one of those very few things on the basis of which I can say that not all of my life had been a waste.
Yes. Put that way, love seems to be the prime function – or one of the prime functions - of life, doesn’t it?
To love and be loved.
To love and be loved.
5.
Those will-o-the-wisps seem harmless.
They seem to like sticking around with us.
And don’t they look beautiful, dancing on the air?
Do you think they are sentient?
I hope so.
Somehow, it seems important, doesn’t it?
6.
Let us forget the woes and count the blessings.
Okay. To begin with, we are alive. We didn’t die in the spaceship crash. We were not even hurt much.
This planet is liveable.
We have found a nice and cozy cave to live in.
Our stores of food will last us for months and by then we should be able to find edible fruits and such on this planet.
We have each other for company.
And probably a good thing that one of us is not a woman. This way we avoid the complications of being the new Adam and Eve for this planet.
And the planet, on the surface, is not a bad looking one. It has got some beautiful scenery.
And the books. Don’t forget the books we managed to salvage from the wreck. We have the Bible, the Qur’an, and those poetry collections – Keats, Tennyson, Elliot.
And we have the sense of wonder, the desire for knowledge, and this planet might – just might – prove interesting.
7.
I have noticed something. I dream more often and more intensely when the will-o-the-wisps are near me.
Strange. Now that you put it into words, of late my dreams seem more and more real to me.
Reminds me of a line I read somewhere: What are dreams if not a different kind of reality?
8.
It is strange, isn’t it, the way our perspective changes with time? Things always seem different when you look at them in retrospect.
Yes. The sense of values changes. What seemed important then seems trivial now. That which was trivial then appears important now. These days I never even think about who is going to win the next elections back home but I do often think of the way my mother used to kiss me goodbye every morning when I left for school so many years ago.
There is another thing. In retrospect, I have nothing more than a vague memory of the hurts I received in life. Even when put together and taken collectively, these hurts don’t seem to amount to much. But when I think of all the hurts that I have dished out to others ---
I know what you are talking about. Regrets. A whole lot of regrets. That day when I slapped my kid when all he did was ask me to buy him a chocolate icecream.
That day when my mother asked me to get her a book from the library and I refused saying that I couldn’t leave my favorite TV program.
How many times have I hurt my wife unreasonably, pig-headedly, just out to prove that I was the boss of the house.
How many times did I simply neglect – and sometimes even crush – the feelings of others.
And they – all of them – were people who loved us.
Loved us and cared for us and ---
And we ---
Regrets. And pain. And a soul screaming for a second chance.
You are crying!
Do you mind? No, you would not. You are crying too.
Yes. Let us cry ourselves to sleep.
9.
Life seems so meaningless now.
Do you think the will-o-the-wisps are sentient?
A strange response to my observation about the meaning of life.
I somehow feel that our life will be meaningful again if the will-o-the-wisps are sentient.
What is the meaning of life?
I don’t know. Do you?
10.
Most of our problems back on earth – they seem so petty now.
So many of concerns misplaced.
So many actions futile.
Now we learn.
11.
Other than home and family and friends, what are the things you miss the most?
Why do you always have to ask these painful questions? Why can’t you leave memories well enough alone?
Catharsis man, catharsis.
Catharsis my foot. I think the concept of catharsis is humbug. Another blunder of modern psychology.
Okay, then let us talk about these things to pass our time.
All right then. I will join you. I miss the little things – those things that many good writers wrote about in their books.
Things like?
The stone benches in the park.
The early morning strollers.
The dim, dark streets of the night.
The children going to and coming back from school.
The tea house and the steam rising up from the tea cups.
The town library with its dimly lit corners where the mysterious smell of old books hung in the air, like the smell of captured time.
The birds.
And the bees.
Ha, ha!
12.
Say, my watch has stopped. What about yours?
Hmm? Mine seems to have stopped too. The batteries have run down at last.
So shall we toss them into the lake now?
Again, why bother? Why not just take them off and leave them lying around on this rock?
Yeah. Why not?
And I do believe the will-o-the-wisps are sentient creatures. Let us see if we can communicate with them.
THE END
Expanding...
It was black, pitch black, no, no it was dark, i could see things moving but couldn't perceive anything. Stranded, floating, with nothing to grasp or hold onto for life. I could feel my heart and head pounding, but couldn't feel their existence. I tried to touch them, feel myself, trying to be aware of the self on the least, but i didn't even know where my hands were, or if it even existed.
A shrieking sound of synth fading, something was there. So, bright. Glowing so mighty, like that the legions of gods themselves had come down to savvy save the saviour, from their heavenly abode. The glow expanded as darkness imploded. The stream of light flowed in all that it could. Just about time, i realized that i was a ball of light glowing. My arms, white streams of light, touched everything in its path, left a mark on everything it touched, left a mark that itself glows and expands into multiple branches of light flowing into all. Bright light flourished, until all that i could see was light.
Another sweet sharp grumble, fiery black flames smoked out, slowly advancing and consuming light, consuming, neutralizing and balancing light. As light flowed from the darkness , darkness now flows out of light. As light formed itself out of the dark nothingness, light fumed bright with darkness. Swirling tempest, blinding light, perceivable darkness, and in the centre i was.
Finally, at balance with the light and darkness within. a balance between logic and emotions, between my head and heart. And in this very moment, I was there at balance with myself and all that surrounds.
Ever living in the never ending moment of peace.
Mind, Body & Soul
What should I describe first, his body, mind or his soul. Each layer is so delicately and meticulously wrapped. If you are so privileged, to travel far into these depths, well beyond the hard surface that which meets the eye, you would taken into a mysterious and mystical world. One like you never could imagine.
Just as one must travel far into the vast universe in order to reach the surface of the moon. The same is true to reach his soul.
Upon the surface stands a solid structure of a man. The veins of life that run down his arms are that of a wild stallion that’s been running wild and free. The perfect anatomy of what a man should be, his muscles so skillfully etched into his frame, as though he was carved by Michelangelo himself. Every inch of him exudes the perfect precision of strength and masculinity.
If you are willing and able to pass through the gates of his fortress, past the deep valleys and ridges that span across his tough terrain, you will enter his mind. You must be warned, before you celebrate this victory know that this is only the vail of many layers that you will attempt break through.
Despite his best effort you will be lured by his mysterious ways, as you will find yourself sliding down the rabbit hole of his mind. Your eyes will be affixed and your mind will soon be obsessed with dissecting the complexity of the puzzle set before you.
With only a few words spoken everyday you are met with the challenge of deciphering all what is left unsaid. You will leave his presence stumbling and questioning your own reality. No longer sure of what is fact or what is fiction until the haze of his spell fades.
Once back to your reality, one of which you are sure of, you will begin to crave him. You have felt the rush of his being and the magnetic pull of his passion that starts to lure you right back.
Like a diver that has had to adapt to the pressure of the sea so will you have to adapt to him. Slowly acclimating yourself to his powerful being until you can breath the air that only he breaths.
Time is not on your side and patience will become your closest alli, as the barriers you still have left to cross are vast in numbers.
Getting to know his mind is like trying to ride a wild mustang. The second you think you’ve figured him out, he will buck you to the ground. Yet, each time you’ll go running back because you’ll catch a glimpse of his soul that has begun to shine through.
With each new layer you will discover a world within a world that slowly begins to soften. The layers of mountains you’ve been climbing don’t seem so big anymore and you’ll feel stronger than you’ve ever been before. With only a glance he can calm your mind and bring peace to your anxious heart. As you reflect on your journey of his mind, you’ll see how much he has made you grow.
Then the day will come when the world as you’ve known it has changed. The colors within your view have become brighter and the clouds will leave you messages in the sky. Even the smallest insect will carry a place in your heart. You’ll see the filmstrip of your future run through your mind, only pausing long enough for you to see that’s exactly where you want to be.
You will look up to the moon on a crisp autumn night and know that he is doing the same. Thoughts of him will weave through your mind as though they are the thread of the finest tapestry in the world. You will begin feel him long after he is gone, as his essence has embedded itself so deep in to your awareness, that you can’t help but to feel him.
When he touches you and you can equate it with being stuck by lightening, leaving your hair standing on end, and chills down your spine. When you can feel the power of Niagara Falls from just the thought of his kiss.
When you look into his eyes, and the whole world seems to disappear. You will feel like you’ve been lifted into the sky and held with him in the hands of God. When only peace and love fills your heart with a knowing of what heaven on earth feels like. When he is wrapped in an aura of violet and indigo and you see the light from his palms illuminate the darkness, like the sunrise of a new day.
It is in this moment... when you have felt all of this... you will know what his soul is like.
#soulmate #twin #abstractsoulstudio
Clawing
Can you imagine clawing out of your grave just so you can breathe?
Well, why would anyone imagine that scenario?
Some people self-inflict to feel something, while others pierce their skin to not feel.
Imagine being buried alive while trying to escape the coffin you voluntarily put yourself in. Picture your fingers clawing the cherrywood above you as panic ascends from the depth of your soul, causing bile to race up your throat while incinerating your lungs on impact. You can’t breathe because you’ve allowed for this to happen, even though you knew of the consequences. So, you claw vigorously as your fingers bleed and a splinter from the cheap wood slices your nerve endings. You just don’t care about that type of pain. Because this pain doesn’t compare to the pain, you’re trying to escape from within.
As I said before; some people exact pain upon themselves for their own reasons. However, have you ever tried clawing at your chest to get to the one thing that’s causing you this unbearable agony? Well, I didn’t work hard enough.
My heart has a solid case around it. Nestling my worn-out heart, keeping things in rather than out. Unfortunately, feelings seeped through the cracks of the cage, and well here I am. Trying to desperately rip through the flesh to get to the one organ that can render me helpless. As the cage around my heart began to shrink, closing in tighter, breathing wasn’t much of a concern. The pain of surrendering to the feeling of passion. The type of intensity where your blood boils, and your bones ache under your skin.
**The picture is of my clawed chest
#nonfiction
20 Year Plan
We will stay here,
make money
save money,
eat delicious food,
make a home.
How splendid
will it be to live
peacefully,
five more years
under this roof?
Take annual trips,
embrace the world still.
Won’t skimp on
vacations.
Become part of
the society
here. Know all
the people,
have a baby
raise them properly,
mesh generations.
Give enough time,
solidify
solid ground.
Let love flourish
for all their time.
Say goodbye,
inherit
our future
move to Amsterdam,
start again.
© J.A. Smith 2019
#life #future #parents #plans #poetry #nonfiction #Amsterdam
Dark Divine!
There have always been certain questions to be revealed, atleast in my shattered world of peace and confessions. Yes peace indeed. My shattered world had more of him than it had mine. That is why it was peaceful.
Like every single inninch of my body was filled with his blood and every dying crave needed him. I was gnawing to see him. I don't know much of it maybe, but yes we have one best thing in between us, our fundamental differences. His art of living is raising my affection for him more and more, day by day. I come to the present because every single moment of my life with him makes me more inclined to live in the present.
This is too deep for me to reflect because I have imprinted on him. He has an immense statistics of uncertainty in his eyes, flames all around hihis body and mirth in his smile. Like the Angel of the darkest dreams he dived into my dark world. If I get a chance someday I really want to confess that I owe my everything to him. The Divine is dressing for the silver splash tonight. My belief Angel is arriving!
I suddenly open my eyes. I am feeble. I see the darkness splitting into light slowly. My long awaiting forever is infront of me. My eyes sparkling in tears and his lips with that overwhelming smell! Oh Grace! The Almighty! I can't believe in this amaze now. The sky is dark. No stars! The water is still. No ripples! I dontdon't know what it is when he is coming to me. I feel I am still lost in the dark. But this is the one.
The dark world is vanishing. He has ignited his flames in me. I can feel his light in my heart. My soul is merging with his one. He is glistening like silver. Divine is stepping in, my love! Too bright! Too intense! We feel too firm to each other. Oh Delights! It's Divine holding two dark souls! This is beautiful! More than my imagination my real self is becoming strong and we look at each other! Harmony all around!
..............
"And so we are my love! You are mine!"
#deeplove #fantasylove #prose #fanfiction #romance