Death
You held my hand,
I let you hold mine.
Time would tell if it only felt right.
With an absent father,
And a future that wasn't bright.
Your tired paws...
Well, it just felt alright.
I've cried on your shoulders
You've cried on mine.
With the world so undecided
I guess we made it right.
Two lost soldiers,
Trying to make up time.
Well, you held my hands
Made it alright.
I'll think of memories that I cannot not use
In this eulogy,
It'll get people confused.
But you held my hand,
And I asked you to hold mine.
While we battled this world,
That wasn't right.
Nothing I say,
I guess will bring you back.
I will conquer this pain
And deal with all the past.
But I loved you friend,
And I can't say it again.
I loved you more then the words that exist.
Weak
I could lift this wall,
Even though I am quite small.
I would touch the top,
Without evening having to jump up.
I would build a bridge,
Without out the right tools then.
I would stay and fight,
Without even a knife.
I would walk through fire,
With a suit doused and kerosene and a lighter.
I would have ended the call,
If I knew the end game at all.
I promised you all of things,
Yet, the morning the phone rings.
Sorry subconscious,
Guess, knowing is just not enough.
Hayley’s Commet
You said with mystery,
That form of death was history.
Oh, how I believed.
The years went on,
I thought you carried on
Quite well for yourself,
Or at least, I couldn't tell.
Then you broke the leaf,
The water, drowning things.
I couldn't figure out.
Those leaves have no doubt.
I begged you, begged you please.
Stop all these horrible things.
You are one of kind.
Keep that in mind.
I couldn't save you.
The body was blue.
The fent was plain and clear.
It's not a day, I don't shed a tear.
Please forgive me.
I wish I knew more.
But I was stupid,
I wish...I knew more.
Please forgive me.
I hope you heart is free.
You were beautiful
And for 3 years I will
Remember everything
The way your earrings rang
In the wistful wind
Th way your hair would spin
The way you eyes
Looked in them so many times
Never saw a demise
Until that fateful night.
But no words of true sadness.
You deserve believe, and I hope you found it.
I love you.
And if everything is true.
I'll see you soon.
xoxo
from a friend
Gluttony
Indulgence. I indulged. His pretty face and smile. The way he touches your arm so slight. I'd be at a weight watchers for the calories I gained craving him. So I starve myself instead. I do not answer his calls. I do not try to see him. I hope, maybe, to just wean myself off of the idea of wanting. But sometimes I backslide. I do not mean to. It is just easy, and you would not believe how amazing it tastes, feels, well, everything. Gluttony may be a sin, but it is definitely a world I kind of want to live in.
Road Maps
I have scars. Some that I speak about. Some that I will never speak about. And obviously some you and I can see.
But these roadmaps , start from the beginning. From clawing myself out of a certain type of abuse to learning what it is to be truly loved.
Sometimes the map is hard to read. So, I continually follow, hoping it will get me to where I am searching for. I may be naive, but I know exactly what I am looking for.
They start at the beginning of 14. When something happened and it kept happening until I finally shut it down. My arms took the burden.
Then again at 21. My body and face took that burden on.
Again at 31. My face and head was the brunt of that force.
But at 34. My life became different. I almost ruined it. I wanted to die. But you.
You were the one that pulled me out. You never touched me, kissed me. You never forced. You were the one that said no. You were the one that said no matted what that I will always love you, and when you are ready. Maybe.
So I agree.
One day. Maybe.
XOXO,
Friend
Cheapest Therapist
Why do you go to therapy?
To feel like you're resolving you problems on love? You issues with your family? Work stress?
Here is as far as I know about dogs because to be honest I don't know much. But dogs are the best things in the entire world. Because they don't give a crap about if you are happy or sad as long as they can kiss you, get belly rubs, treats, etc. they are literally the best things you can ever have because even if you get upset that they ate your shoes, they will forgive you for being upset almost instantly. I have two and I will say, I will never have regrets about a single day I've had them in my life. A man's bestfriend? Nope, they are a woman's bestfriend, but secretly I think it's because I'm the one that gives them treats.
Dog lover forever!
One Way, Please
I think, if I remember correctly, that I took the subway when I was 17. My parents always warned me to get on/get off at the right stop. Then I met him. And that platform was now a world of a love life that I didn't even realize would change me.
His name, let's call it Tony, mostly because if I write this and keep having to type the same name it will break me.
But he was riding on the same route as I was...I was very young - but old enough to know.
When he asked me what I was reading, I thought maybe he was a sweetheart. He told me everything I wanted to hear, and my young heart ate that all up.
An hour-long ride was all that it took to make me believe that he was a great man.
Let's bring it forward 2 years later,
"How did you get that black eye?"
"I took the subway."
Divorce
Toe taps. Never understood how annoying they were especially since he has never showed up for this appointment on time anyways. I mean if you are paying someone $500 an hour, you might want to be on time. But maybe that is why we are getting the divorce. He respects his time more than mine. But to be fair I've done some crappy things in this so-called relationship. But. also. if he doesn't show up I win and I get everything. Except. one point is the nagging feeling that I don't want that either. I sort of almost always have loved him. 2 minutes left...I assume it's over. The worst part is now...I just wanted to see him.
Divorce
Toe taps. Never understood how annoying they were especially since he has never showed up for this appointment on time anyways. I mean if you are paying someone $500 an hour, you might want to be on time. But maybe that is why we are getting the divorce. He respects his time more than mine. But to be fair I've done some crappy things in this so-called relationship. But. also. if he doesn't show up I win and I get everything. Except. one point is the nagging feeling that I don't want that either. I sort of almost always have loved him. 2 minutes left...I assume it's over. The worst part is now...I just wanted to see him.