I get really lonely at night

I know I should go outside

I feel trapped

It's the weather

Sun glaring at me

Hoping to burn my skin

I wish it would

I don't wish that

I want to feel something

Other than loneliness

Other than longing

I want to feel joy

Acceptance

To be wanted

Not needed

Well that sometimes

But expected

Predictable

"Of course you're here.

I want you here."

I want to feel the ocean

exhale on my skin

your curling fingers on my arms

taking all me in

I'm lonely can you feel it

I sigh into your chest

A liquid I'm conforming

A human at my best

I'm feeding on serenity

A lovely scent of calm

My eyes don't even bother

They're closed, no lights are on

I've never felt so peaceful

So gentle in your sway

We're really less than nothing

I guess I'm used to gray

In death ill sleep so tranquil

My life a treacherous slope

A weight must shift to my feet

Im up, and I must cope

At what point do you notice that I don't text

Or call you when I think that it's best

What time is good when you're not around

No words to say if you're underground

No window to see through

No door to unlock

My presence annoying

My voice tightly knot

When is a good time

To ask if I'm welcome

Not when you remember

More not than just seldom

Is this just a habit

My thoughts straight to yours

On wood we made promises

On sand we found shores

I miss making essays

On movies and men

At what point is this friendship

And not just tradition

i mull and i sit

bathed in the snow

bland to the touch

taste "isn't so"

an interest fleeting

a glance in promise

that i am unwell

balled up and tarnished

shattered and prickle

wrinkled and torn

blood starts to trickle

screams of the born

an empty most foul

a child endured

an end to a towel

waiting is cured

what once was is not

and now i am clean

from light i am caught

through dark i succeed

wherever i was

to where i am now

what life is to dust

what i am to thou

not seated at parties

nor welcomed in pews

wont play with the barbies

or stay in the stools

a hole in the carpet

a bed that was shared

who was i to stop it

who were you to care

#poetry #empty

my insides are disturbed

the warble of the quiver

in passing i am mute

within i am a shiver

unfurled i am a block

a writers own remorse

a drug to help me pass

the beating of a horse

ghost or am i muted

the grey is fuzzed and wide

its bruises leak that ocean green

just hiding whats inside

darkness eats the boat

the water was a friend

but now it seems to run amok

its arms part wide to end

escape? a laugh, im gone

no evil leaves a trace

and as im bloated lying there

expectation takes its place

a body on the shore

my teeth did not survive

you had hoped for so much yet you find

i never was alive

#poetry

I dreamed about lady bugs, I dreamed about meadows, I dreamed about a tiny town, shadowed by the petals

I dreamed about being home, I dreamed I was alive, I dreamed about a nice warm meal, with coffee on the side

I dreamed about my leaving, I didn't want to go, but when the ringing hit my ears, I knew I'd wake alone

My dreaming makes me mad sometimes, I wish they wouldn't tease, to make me think I'm where I'm meant, not here with my unease

#poetry #sadness #growingup #life

I don't feel holy when you hold me

happy when I'm choked

cared for when you see me

or heard when last I spoke

I don't feel needed when you want me satisfied or thrilled

gorged on when I gown up

with broken cup I'm filled

you do not bring me pleasure

the satisfied

the rain

you only being me expectation

emptiness and pain

if that's not in your planner

the calendar unwed

then I will find another one

to lie to next in bed

you seek one that has never been

a wedding left in tears

the bridegroom left to search me out

to footprints disappeared

you never brought me peace of mind

that I was all you needed

if by being wooed I left in shambles

then in sinking I succeeded

#comphet #poetry #sadness #hope

I woke up smelling past tense air

oh I remember when and where

but to say that I could recall there

my memory would not be fair

If all the school books had a cow

the pencils chickens I don't know how erasers goats and sheep and plow

I surely wouldn't know their ware

For certain time has taken hold

a lost bet winning this pot of gold

my eye sight waning my hands grown cold growing up and growing old

I'd climb up to my highest loft

an attic waiting cold to hot

I'd place my bets and call the shot

but it's long gone or so I'm told

A ghastly being letting on

that tales of knighthood

maidens song

that dragons beaten

the grass long gone

was not a sketch the mind had drawn?

In shattered window and crooked door was that not magic disguised as bore?

the blood red seam that jesus swore

was proof that he would with dawn would return?

but walking to a berry bush

a midday movie "Please just hush!"

that dinner made with love is mush

is eaten greatly with a rush

I cannot place a finger on it

the smell of freshly dried blue bonnet

or the sound of an ended sonnet

life wakes me to blush

#poetry #growingup #blush

I've tumbled down the hill again, I didn't see the stone, I walked so joyful head held high, but earth sought me to own

My hands remembered touching air, the soil kept me planted there, I wish I could be worst for wear, but buried is the hope unsewn

#unfinished #downagain #poetry #buried

fallen from the stars

dripping grey and black

purple blue and violet hue

"why did I come back."

I glistened with the sunshine

that draped success on earth

I flew away with dragons dear

I sought and found rebirth

why did I return to this

as beauty has been lost

this planet reeks of selfish deeds

no longer green in cost

a coin to regain self respect

as paper buys the wagon

I thought you got my message love

seems talkings lost to famine

we starve for riches richest form

that changes with the day

I couldn't even tell you that

you've seemed to have lost your way

I counted all the dots and strings

they make up who I am

the constellations constant warmth

have gone out with the lamb

winged thing of starlight

dripping on the lawn

angel, no just passing though

I wouldn't stay here long

#longing #lonely #farfromhome #poetry