I always love the holiday season. It's all as if the world took a break from being a harsh battlefield, and suddenly turned to a big Dome staging acts about sharing and love. It seems that what have been a dark forest of nightmares turned to a theme park where we can feel the sweet honesty of the wind. And it means a lot. Why? We're humans. And in the never-ending arena of life, we are all actors—whether we are rich or poor, black or white, straight or not—we are all in the same lane and we are looking at the same sky. And as actors, we need some breaks where we can breathe freely out of what have been murdering our hearts, our minds and our souls...to take a glimpse or to value what we have in our life, in a positive side. The Holidays is the perfect season for this one, thanks to the tradition and teachings which helped shape what Christmas and New Year should mean to our worlds, and that makes it the right time to look back at the things we have today and track back our less righteous actions, to weigh them thoroughly then swear to not repeat them, or at least prevent them to happen. The Season is also the perfect season for sharing love, as what an adage says, "The heart melts in the warmest song", because we have known (in the books and in the actual experiences) that Christmas is over-pouring with love and New Year is over-pouring with positivism. So are there presents, family gatherings, dates, out-of-town trips and more. And besides, there's even more with the Holiday season, and it's a movie we, the actors, should explore out of the script.

Oh, I've got to go, Friend. We are now entering the Cinema.

I am saddest at Christmas. Every card I get, every phone call and text, is a reminder of how many people couldn't care less about me. Any given time of the year, these people don't care what's going on in my life, or even know, yet I am supposed to receive their pretend interest with appreciation and joy? It's enough to make anybody depressed. I don't want another Christmas. I'm perfectly fine in my own world, away from the toxicity of false love and scheduled happiness.

Fly high with us

at Christmas time

a family gathering

to fly our kites

and soar

above the beach

together with joy

and peace

and togetherness.

Come spend the day

without intrusion

and rise with us

with paper birds

gliding high

above our heads.

At the end

of this time

of glorious closeness

we’ll pack our kites

feel our love

and remember

the day

of harmony

when Christ

was born.

I love the Holidays for all of the typical reasons. I enjoy the time with family, the delicious food, and the glowing faces of my children as they open gifts. I love what Christmas represents to me as a Christian. However, there are other reasons that have caused me to fall deeper in love with the season.

My husband and I are classic procrastinators. This shared attribute isn't a bad thing when you also struggle with decision making. We've tried to shop in advance. It proved to be a miserable attempt. We over-analyzed ever gift idea. So, we get everything done over a hurried three day shopping spree and make excellent purchases in the process. This sounds painful, but it's quite enjoyable for us.

Our two children our obsessed with their uncle and quite rightly. He is a fantastic uncle. Our kids never need an excuse to go to his house. He is always willing to lend a helping hand during our shopping frenzy. We run a family business and are around our family most of the time. Not only is this time to get things accomplished, but our time together.

Away we go, stopping only for drinks. We talk about our families, the varying personalities, and hilarious gift ideas. Pick out gifts, swipe the card, load the car, drive. Repeat. Sounds painfully repetitive doesn't it?

The in-between time is what counts. Our time in the car alone has always been my favorite. We bond over music and the classic "where do you see yourself in ten years" conversations. Our lives unfold before us and we experience a new level of intimacy. As stressful as the Holidays seem, I revel in these moments.

Yet another reason I love it is my time alone when I shop. It doesn't hit me at the time. I'm busy doing and don't stop to think about how much I enjoy my time. I was reminded of this today. I was on my way home. "And It Stone Me" by Van Morrison came on my playlist. I felt myself close my eyes and relax my body. I realized how good it felt to be alone and unhurried as I browsed. I knew I'd soon be home and swept up in a whirlwind of chores. I really embraced that moment "and it stoned me to my soul" as Mr. Morrison said. 

I reflected on this past year, all the good and bad of it. I counted my blessings and prayed that 2016 does well for our family. I also gained more understanding of what it is about this time of year I love so much. It's the increased intimacy I experience with both my husband and myself. It's the time I spend reflecting on all of the people I love and who have impacted my life. It's the time I prepare for the year to come and dream of the future with my man. It's the time of my life, Christmas time.

All that I see

The smiles that beam

Feel as though I'm in a dream

So little warmth I've felt before

"She's cold to the very core"

Adrift in space

Wandering through this place

I'm not used to this feeling

My head is reeling

I know it sounds clichéd and sappy

But I'm just not used to being happy

Though I sleep alone I do not cry

For smiles await me when I rise

Woe!

Woe!

For the month of death hath approached!

What new bodies shall be added to the ever-growing pile?

Woe!

Woe!

Sweet Azrael, why must you call upon so many to be taken away?!

Woe!

Woe I say!

I heard this tale of long ago,

About a Cat from Idaho,

So miserable was this pet,

And in its way so firmly set,

So nothing that its owner tried,

Could cheer this baleful old feline,

And so one day in sunny June,

It's owner stirred it with a broom,

Hoping that some cheery mew,

Or playful purr just might ensue,

Alas this melancholic puss,

Ignored its owners jovial fuss,

And with an angry cursing spit,

It threw a vicious hissy-fit,

It's owner gasped at such affront,

And said "You're such a sullen cunt!"

But pardon me that's what he said,

Then locked his moggie in his shed,

And promptly called his parish priest,

To exorcise his vicious beast,

The priest was most concerned about,

His parish lest the news got out,

That someone's cat was so possessed,

He quickly donned his holy vest,

And drove as quickly as he could,

To sort our haunted cat out good,

The cat however couldn't care,

'Twas fast asleep just lying there,

It woke up quickly with a hiss,

To be roused from its dreamy bliss,

And feeling sorely put upon,

Did launch itself at Father John,

With all the venom it could muster,

It seized the Padre by his cloister,

Our dearest Father howled in pain,

As sullen cat did scratch again,

The padre took off down the street,

The cat gave chase and gnawed his feet,

And so it surely came to pass,

That Father John while at his Mass,

Did look so ashen and in pain,

The cat was never seen again.

I can taste the smoke burning in my lungs, I can feel the ash on my fingertips, I can smell the ruins of what I'm leaving behind. But it doesn't really matter, before I left I took my heart. For all the times I need to be reminded life is not all bad. I took my head, to guide my heart, for all the times it falls apart.

And I took your hand because you are all the home I'll ever need.