How to become a famous Assassin

by Assassins Guild Inc.

1) Change your name.

1.5) We don't like that name, please change it again.

2) Run away from home for the safety of your family.

2.0) (for fast-tracking, devoted assassins only) Kill any or all members of your family and skip to step 7 (recommended age 14 and under).

3) Train your body. Find a method that works for you. 

            -Some suggestions: 100 push-ups and sit-ups every day, a 10km run every day,                    chopping 10 pounds of vegetables as fast as you can every day  

4) Buy a signature weapon of choice (a sharp edge is required).

5)Seek out a tragic and mentally damaging life event for flashback referencing at a later date.

6) In your new location of choice find the nearest sketchy alleyway or underground lair.

7) Kill a decent number of people in your sketchy location of choice. *Note if you get injured or killed in the process, then this job is not right for you. Assassins Guild Inc. suggests seeking a slightly less evil occupation such as a modern day serial killer, a zombie, or an accountant.

8) Repeat step 7 for a few days. A wealthy or authoritative individual (such as a political figure) will notice your actions and seek to have you killed.

9) Survive! 

10) After a month or so, the wealthy politician will give up on killing you and hire you to work (kill) for them.

11) Take the job.

12) Develop trust points from your employer. Assassins Guild Inc. recommends remembering their birthday and buying them coffee and/or Wine from time to time. *Note this step may take a few years, unless your employer is an idiot.

13) Kill your employer.

14) You will develop many enemies, pick a favourite and keep them alive while you play around with their life. Build as much hate points as you possibly can. This is so that they train themselves enough to gain some fame of their own.

15) When they're famous enough and strong enough, tell them your tragic backstory so that you don't die of loneliness.

16) Now kill them. And be sure to leave a signed note on their body (in legible font) that reads "Killed by [Enter step 1.5 name here]". This will ensure you gain all your victim's fame points.

~bonus level~ 17) You should be famous enough by now, but if you want national or global fame you must repeat steps 7 through 16 in various locations that don't yet know your (1.5) name.

~~ These words aren't completely made up, as they're based off of "real" words, but they're words I've been using for over 2 decades and when they were little, my children thought they were real words until their teachers told them otherwise, *lol*. I'll do another post later, with completely new words. ~~

(1) Thirstation - "I'm DYING of thirstation!" 

This one came about because I don't like "thirstiness" and I thought my word sounded better and was a better partner to 'starvation'.

(2) Hearlucinate - "Sometimes I hearlucinate that I hear my late-father talking to me in the night." 

This one was created because I needed a way to describe "hearing things" that sounded cooler. And like the above word, I felt it goes better with it's twin, 'hallucinate'.

I know it's been too long; I should have written months ago. But life goes by and schedules fill so quickly. Had I known you would go to the store by yourself that night; had I known you would cross paths with an intoxicated driver, I would have written sooner. I heard you were in the hospital, not doing well. The phone just rang.. I guess I'll see you at the funeral.

You said "I love you" for the first time today. You thought that you'd hear it back, not get laughed at. You thought someone wanted you? Who would? You're annoying and clingy. All you're good for is being used. It wasn't wrong. You ran to your room and flung the door shut behind you, sinking to the floor with trembling legs. You're so damn worthless. You covered your ears and curled into yourself, flinching as you heard glass smash against the wooden door. You're nothing. That was right. No one ever wanted to be like you. Not like fat, ugly, useless you. You're just a toy to play with and break. Well? Aren't you? You couldn't have said it better yourself.