ROCD
Was it a lie when I said I loved you
Or am I just in my head again?
I spend a lot of time in there
Thinking
Hoping
Worsening
You always knew how to drag me out
Get me back in the real world
So I’ll make a list
A litany of he loves me
He loves me nots
A pros a cons
I’ll take this emotion of love
And examine it under the microscope of logic
Maybe then I’ll truly know
Maybe then my head will let me sleep
The cat in the garage
I saw an orange tabby in my garage tonight
It scampered away as I turned on the light
I still can’t be sure if what I saw was real or imagined
Have I wished so hard for a friend the gods heard me and took pity on me?
Or have I lost it, mired in my own world apart from yours
Stuck in my head no better than the ostrich hiding from its fears
I’ll leave an open can of food on the doorstep
And let the gods decide
The Hate I Hold
The hate I hold is a new creature to me
One who’s barely opened her eyes
Still cowering in her mother’s breast
It’s an unfamiliar constant medallion
Hanging down over my chest
Masking the hole where my love for you once lived
This newborn hate has tainted me
And yet I will nurture it
I will water it daily
Patiently waiting for the day its sprouting stem
Unfurls thousands of golden leaves
And a trunk mightier than any axe could fell
This hate is now my constant companion
Closer to me than even you had explored
She wears your face
Has your same dimpled smile
And because of that
I will love this hate
I will love this hate because it is the last piece of you I will ever hold
The face in the river
When the future looks uncertain
I turn to you
You who has been with me since I became me
You who has seen the unending days of my youth
You who has stumbled alongside me in my growing pains
You have been my constant
You are the face in the river looking back at me
If I stare too long I fear I may follow the path of narcissus
Except love is not the emotion that overtakes me
Instead it is grief
Grief that I have lost you
Grief that you cannot be found again
Happy Lies
Do you really think it’s true
That whenever you think of someone
They’re thinking of you too?
I think that’s kinda sweet
a really endearing thought
two souls across the cosmos
connected through thoughts
Maybe it’s a lie
But at least it’s a happy one
Easy to swallow
The world would be much kinder
If we filled it up with happy lies
The kind that spread joy
and celebrate life
So tonight when I think of you
I hope you’ll think of me too
And when tomorrow comes and we’re together again
Maybe, just maybe
we’ll be more than friends
I lost my virginity to a boy who tasted of milk
My first kiss, stolen by a boy
Turned man.
My first everything a drunken mistake ,
I was not drunk.
I have new definitions
New words for love
New words for first.
A girl swinging through my blues
A first declaration of consent
A first declaration of peace.
To reclaim the lost
One must go through the dark.
So much pressure
Why did I give in
Why was he drunk.
I will learn to say no
I will say no
No.
Not tonight, not tomorrow,
Please never again.
She lulls me back to sleep
My dreams are gone again.
I smell peaches and summer breeze
I have returned.
I’m accepted
I’m loved
I am she is me
Innocent taboo
And their pleas fell on deaf ears for I was too
Swept up in innocent taboo
And the lightning crashed and it shook the house and I thought I left the lights on
I knew he was wrong for me
But I was too impatient to wait for Mrs. Right
Then the rain came down and it pounded the ground and I thought I closed the doors
I’m smarter than that how did I love like that
Why did the lightning crash
I knew better than that why did I love like that
Where did the rain come from
When he leaves me alone I am at peace
I can hear the frogs croaking
When it’s just me and myself I feel love
The fireflies flash their mating song
#poetry #beginner #peace #love #bi