bring me a ladder

taller than anything you've ever known

let me hold it steady while you climb into the depths of your own soul

and when you've reached the final rung

set your feet down on the foundation of our trust

and hold the ladder steady so that I might join you

slowly but ever surely

gaining ground

becoming us

how can you even say

the way the world

was just the earth before

you saw their face

how can you describe

the way the wind

was just a breeze before

it became a hurricane

I said nothing as everything I never knew cascaded from their lips like rain water from the gutters sputtering as a flood of confessions destroyed the damn I never knew I'd built around the tiny town containing the tears I'd never told and as their ocean of pain infiltrated my pond of Dead Sea ache I could feel myself rolling with the waves of our mutual heartbreak and when our lips collided it was less like the glaciers I was used to and so much more like an earthquake

two tech tonic plates never intended to be brought together creating a catastrophe, pure entropy, with nothing but a black hole between our bodies we were sucked in and before either of us knew it we had drowned and the sea of our tears turned sweet

separate we look back and break away knowing now that we're ok nothing will be the same but this decay we've created will always remain to remind us all that nothing ever came from truth telling and all we ever really wanted was uniqueness but the truth is we were searching for a likeness we never found

You never loved me

You never did

I used to love you

But never again

All I want to do

Is rip the smile from your face

Because it's not for me

And kick you when you're down

And watch you while you bleed

You never cared for me

And now I'll never care for you

And soon I'll find a way to burn your ashes

"You've been living for too long," the voice hissed in the old woman's ear. "It's time for you to go."

The old woman shook her head vigorously. "No. Never, not until he comes home." The old woman stroked the old photo of her husband, and she let out a long, sad sigh.

The voice laughed. "You think he's coming home? You sad old woman!"

"He'll come home." The woman's voice sounded broken. "I know he will."

The voice materialized. "You have been knowing for quite a while, old lady."

The old woman met Death's gaze. He was not as she imagined him to be--he did not look one bit evil. He was wrinkled, like the old lady, and had soft, sad eyes. Eyes that had seen to much. Death smiled softly, and reached out his hands to the old lady. She did not take them.

"Just a little bit longer," the old lady whispered. "I want my husband to come home."

Death sat down next to the old lady. "And if he doesn't come home? Life is not a fairy tale, woman. You should have learned that by now."

The old woman hugged her husband's photo. "This is only a dream," she murmured, squeezing her eyes shut.

"Dreams are powerful things," Death whispered.

"A year," the old woman said. "Give me a year."

Death pondered for a moment. "Let's play a game."

The woman eyes Death warily. "I don't trust you."

Death reached out his fingertips towards the old woman. "Ah. Come with me now, old lady, or play a game with me."

"A quick game?" The old lady's breath was coming in short gasps, as if she, too, knew that her end was coming soon.

Death tipped his head to one side. "It's a game. My quick and your quick are two different quicks."

"Get on with it," The old woman snapped. "I don't have all night."

"But you do." Death's eyes danced with unspoken words. "Old woman, since you seem so intent on hiding from me, let's play a little game of hide and seek, shall we?"

"I don't..." The old woman trailed off.

"You don't want to?" Death tapped his chin. "Oh, so sad. I'm afraid you'll have to come with me, then."

The woman's eyes blazed. "I won't come with you!"

Death seemed amused. In an instant, he was standing in front of the woman. "Oh, you have spirit! I haven't had such an unwilling customer for a while. Sadly, Life isn't here for you. She gave in and gave you to me last night, and now I am here to claim you." Death's lips spread into a smile. "Life gave you up easily. She knows that you have been living far too long, and for nothing--a dead husband."

The old woman sucked in a breath. "He's not dead!"

Death's eyes were sympathetic. "Oh! Don't you think I would know whether he was dead or not? I remember claiming him, in fact--he was rather eager to leave this world, to-" Death paused and watched the old woman closely.

The old woman's eyes pricked with tears. "No..."

"Yes." Death sighed. "Life and Death are unfair, old woman. Life and I don't usually make exceptions for people just because they want us to make a exception."

"My husband..." The old woman gazed down at his picture, and a tear trickled down her cheek.

"Won't you come with me now?" Death's voice was soft. "You'll see your husband again. You can be together again."

The woman looked from Death to her husband's picture. "I... I think..."

Death leaned forward, licking his lips eagerly.

"I think that you are lying," the old woman retorted.

Death stared at her. "He misses you. He wants to be with you, he yearns for it."

Tears streaked the woman's face. "I don't believe you!"

Death grabbed the old woman. "He wants you," he hissed. "But you don't want him!"

"I have children, and grandchildren!" The old woman exclaimed, yanking herself away from Death. "I have to take care of them, even if my husband is dead like you say!"

Death's eyes burned with a dark fire. "Think hard about your choice, old lady," he growled.

"Get away from me!" The old lady screeched.

"Fine," Death said, and dissolved into darkness.

The old lady woke to crying, and her oldest grandchild came rushing into the room. "Help!" She gasped.

The old lady rushed into her room, and her heart ached at what she saw.

Lying in her crib was her youngest grandchild, and when the old lady picked her up, her skin was cold, her eyes dull.

And the old lady hung her head and cried. Life and Death were unfair.

Okay so life is....

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Lily was awoken by a buzzing sound. She fumbled blindly trying to make the noise stop, sleep still resting in her eyes. It took her a moment to realize it was her phone ringing not her alarm. Who in their right mind calls someone at 1:30 in the morning? She looks lazily at her phone and sat up, instantly awake, as she realized who was calling.

"Luca?" She answered.

"I'm sorry, Lil" Luca's voice resonates softly through the phone.

"Luca?" Lily repeated as her heart raced. Nothing good comes from phone calls made in the middle of the night. Least of those that start off with an apology. "What's wrong?"

"I just....." He exhales shakily "I just can't do this anymore." He gasped sounding as if he was choking on his words. "I'm sorry. I just.......I love you." He paused for a breath as his words began to slur "did you know that?" He mumbled something she couldn't quite hear "I just wanted you to know. You know?"

"Luca? Where are you? Are you home?" Lily springs out of bed tripping slightly as she tries to maneuver out of her blankets.

He laughs quietly under his breath as if he could see her "You are the only good thing. The only reason. I wanted......You......I..... Forgive me?" She hears a loud crash. Followed by silence.

"LUCA!!!!!! LUCA!!!!!" She found herself running out the front door. She had to get to him. She had to know that he was alright. Her blood boiled and her bare feet stung against the pavement as she rounded the corner to his house. Barely pausing on the front porch before barreling into the front door. "LUCA!!" She scans the dimly lit living room trying to catch her breath "LUCA!!"

Upstairs, he must be upstairs. Her feet barely touch the ground as she flies to his room. Her body freezing the instant she sees him. Crumpled on the floor. His hair shielding his face from her view. "No. No. No" her voice barely a whisper as she makes her way over to him slowly. "Luca?" Her trembling hand reaches for him as she falls to her knees. "Luca? Can you hear me?" Her hand pauses just out of reach. Tears flowing from her eyes "Luca?" She gently touches him pushing the hair out of his face. His eyes opened but rolled back in his head. Vomit stringing from his lips. The warmth of his skin against her fingertips snapped her out of the shock. She looked down at her phone that she had a death grip on. Quickly dialing 911.

"911. What is your emergency?"

Lily's voice hitched and the words refused to be spoken.

"Can you speak?" The woman's voice wrapped itself around Lily in a calm comfort.

Life was happening in broken stages and blurred memories. Time passing both too quickly and way too slowly. As the 911 dispatcher tried to keep Lily calm and focused. Lily's arms burned through countless chest compressions until the paramedics took over. She hadn't realized they'd arrived. Pulling her away slowly. Asking her questions she wasn't sure if she even answered.

She found herself at the hospital waiting room with little memory of getting there. A police officer had been kind enough to drop her off. Taking her home briefly to gather her shoes. She paced the long corridors for an eternity drowning in the noisy chaos of the ER on a Friday night.

Jumping each time a doctor or nurse walked by. Praying for news. But none came until morning when they were able to track down his mother. She waltzed in, dressed to the nines, make-up painted perfectly upon her face, not a hair out of place. She begins speaking to the nurse at the desk. Hushed voices Lily can't make out.

"Ms. Lords?" Lily's voice cracking "is he" she stops herself unable to finish the sentence.

"Oh Lilian" she gushes "look at you. What an utter mess." Clicking her tongue and shaking her head. Lily instinctually looks down at her clothes. "To go out of the house while still in your pajamas. Don't you have any respect for yourself?"

"Excuse me?" The words seethed through Lily's lips "I'm sorry. I didn't have time to get dressed or do my hair, I was too busy trying to save YOUR son."

His mother laughs. Shaking her head "Dear sweet child. You should know better than waste your time on that boy. He is completely hopeless." Lily's eyebrows creased as tears formed in her eyes. "Honestly. If you keep making that face you'll need Botox before you are 20."

The nurse calls his mother to follow her. She shuffles in her too high of heels. Pausing momentarily looking back at Lily. "Well are you coming? God knows he'll want to see you when he wakes up."

"He's okay?"

Her mother shrugs "Apparently he can't even kill himself properly. Honestly, drug overdose. With these genes" she laughs.

Now that I'm alone, my fierce spirit has returned. Im as light as petals fallen from a flowering tree.

I am capable of so much.I realize that the reason I get so disappointed in others is simple. No one will ever be everything you want. No matter how much you admire some of their talents or qualities, there will always be some piece that leaves you unsatisfied.

Look for something in the wild that is perfect. You won't find it. Nature likes symmetry, but she hasn't found perfection yet. The closest that you can get is to be yourself. Become the person that you idolize. Develop your talents. Allow the blood pumping through you to erode your rough edges like a river would rock. Become the most honest version of yourself and you will find your regrets scurry away.

It is important to also accept imperfection. You must realize that the things portrayed in the media are meant to entertain. To amuse. To pull you away. Everyone on Earth is breathing. Everyone on Earth eventually has to take a shit. We are all the same regardless of the wild differences.