Being dead isn't nearly as boring as you might think.

I discovered this on my third day of non-existence, when I finally stopped trying to open doors and learned to simply pass through them instead. The trick, I found, is to forget you were ever solid to begin with. Forget the weight of bones and blood, the constant pull of gravity, the way air once caught in your lungs. Remember instead that you are now made of the same stuff as moonlight and memory.

My name was – is? – Thomas Webb, and I've been dead for approximately eight months, two weeks, and five days. Not that time means much anymore. When you're dead, moments can stretch like taffy or snap past like rubber bands. Sometimes I watch the sun rise and set so quickly it looks like someone's flicking a light switch. Other times, I spend what feels like hours watching a single dewdrop slide down a blade of grass.

I haunt (though I prefer the term "reside in") a small town in New England called Millbrook. Not because I'm bound here by unfinished business or ancient curses – at least, I don't think so. I simply never felt the pull to go elsewhere. Even when I was alive, I rarely left town. Why start traveling now?

Besides, there's more than enough to keep me occupied here. Take Mrs. Henderson at number forty-two, for instance. She's been stealing her neighbor's newspapers for three years, but only on Wednesdays, and only if it's raining. I spent two months following her around before I figured out why: she lines her parakeet's cage with newspaper, and she's convinced that newspaper stolen in the rain brings good luck to pets. I can't argue with her results – that parakeet is seventeen years old and still singing.

Then there's the teenage boy who sits in the park every Tuesday afternoon, writing poetry in a battered notebook. He thinks no one can see him behind the big oak tree, but I float by sometimes and read over his shoulder. His metaphors need work, but his heart's in the right place. Last week he wrote a sonnet comparing his crush's eyes to "pools of Mountain Dew," which was both terrible and oddly touching.

The living can be endlessly entertaining when they don't know they're being watched. It's not creepy if you're dead – it's anthropology.

But I'm not always a passive observer. Sometimes, when I'm feeling particularly solid, I can manage small interactions with the physical world. Nothing dramatic like moving furniture or writing messages in blood on the walls (though I'll admit I tried once, out of curiosity – turns out being dead doesn't automatically make you good at horror movie effects).

Instead, I specialize in tiny interventions: nudging dropped keys into view, generating the perfect cool breeze on a sweltering day, ensuring that the last cookie in the box is chocolate chip instead of oatmeal raisin. Small kindnesses, barely noticeable but precisely timed.

My finest work happens at The Dusty Tome, the bookstore where I used to work when I was alive. My former colleague, Sarah, still runs the place. She never knew that I harbored a decade-long crush on her, and now she never will. But I can still help her in my own way.

I've become quite good at guiding customers to exactly the book they need, even if they don't know they need it. A gentle cold spot near the self-help section, a subtle illumination of a particular spine, a barely perceptible whisper that draws their attention to just the right page. Last week, I helped a grieving widower find a cookbook that contained his late wife's secret cookie recipe. He cried right there in the aisle, clutching the book like a life preserver. Sarah gave him a free bookmark and a cup of tea.

The other ghosts (yes, there are others) think I'm too involved with the living. "You need to learn to let go," says Eleanor, who's been dead since 1847 and spends most of her time rearranging flowers in the cemetery. "The living have their world, and we have ours."

But I've never been good at letting go. Even when I was alive, I held onto things too long – old tickets stubs, expired coupons, unrequited feelings. Death hasn't changed that aspect of my personality. If anything, it's given me more time to cultivate my attachments.

Take my cat, for instance. Mr. Whiskers (I didn't name him – he came with that regrettable moniker from the shelter) is still alive and living with my sister. He can see me, as most animals can, but he's remarkably unfazed by my transparent state. Sometimes I lie on the floor next to him while he sleeps, pretending I can feel his warmth. He purrs anyway, the sound vibrating through whatever passes for my soul these days.

The hardest part about being dead isn't the lack of physical sensation or the inability to enjoy coffee (though I do miss that). It's watching the people you love cope with your absence. My sister still sets an extra place at Christmas dinner. My mother keeps "forgetting" to delete my number from her phone. My father pretends he's okay but visits my grave every Sunday with fresh flowers and updates about the Patriots' latest games, as if I might be keeping score in the afterlife.

I want to tell them I'm still here, that death isn't an ending but a change in perspective. I want to tell my sister that I saw her ace her dissertation defense, that I was there in the back of the room, cheering silently as she fielded every question with brilliant precision. I want to tell my mother that yes, I did get her messages, all of them, and that the cardinal that visits her bird feeder every morning is not me, but I appreciate the thought.

But the rules of death are strict about direct communication. The best I can do is send signs they probably don't recognize: a favorite song on the radio at just the right moment, a unexpected whiff of my cologne in an empty room, the feeling of being hugged when they're alone at night.

Sometimes I wonder if this is hell – not fire and brimstone, but the eternal frustration of being able to observe but never truly connect. Other times, usually when I'm watching Sarah shelve books or listening to my father's one-sided conversations at my grave, I think this might be heaven. The ability to witness life without the messy complications of living it, to love without the fear of loss, to exist in the spaces between moments.

I've developed hobbies, as one does when faced with eternal existence. I collect overheard conversations, storing them like precious gems in whatever serves as my memory now. I've become an expert in the secret lives of squirrels (far more dramatic than you'd expect). I've learned to read upside-down books over people's shoulders on park benches, and I've mastered the art of predicting rain by watching the way cats clean their whiskers.

But my favorite pastime is what I call "emotion painting." I've discovered that strong feelings leave traces in the air, visible only to the dead – streaks of color and light that linger like aurora borealis. Love is usually gold or deep rose, anger burns red with black edges, and sadness flows in shades of blue and silver. I spend hours watching these colors swirl and blend, especially in places where emotions run high: the hospital waiting room, the high school during prom, the small chapel where weddings and funerals alike are held.

Today, I'm following a new pattern of colors I've never seen before – a strange mixture of green and purple that sparkles like static electricity. It's emanating from a young woman sitting alone in The Dusty Tome, reading a worn copy of "The Ghost and Mrs. Muir." She has dark circles under her eyes and a hospital bracelet on her wrist. The colors around her pulse and swirl with an intensity that draws me closer.

As I hover near her table, I realize she's not actually reading. She's crying silently, tears falling onto the open pages. But there's something else – she keeps looking up, scanning the bookstore as if searching for something. Or someone.

Then she speaks, so softly even I almost miss it: "Thomas? Are you here?"

I freeze (metaphorically speaking – I'm always technically frozen now). It's Lisa Chen, a regular customer from my living days. We used to chat about books, particularly ghost stories. She once told me she could sense spirits, but I had dismissed it as whimsy. Now, as I watch the colors dance around her, I wonder if perhaps she was telling the truth.

"I know you're probably here somewhere," she continues, still speaking barely above a whisper. "Sarah told me you used to help people find the right books. I could use some help now."

I drift closer, fascinated by the way the green and purple lights seem to reach out toward me.

"I'm dying," she says matter-of-factly. "Cancer. Stage four. The doctors say I have maybe three months." She laughs softly. "I'm not afraid of being dead, exactly. I just want to know... is it lonely?"

For the first time since my death, I wish desperately that I could speak. I want to tell her about the beauty of emotion paintings, about the secret lives of cats and squirrels, about the way love looks like golden light and how sadness can be as beautiful as stained glass.

Instead, I do what I do best. I create a gentle breeze that ruffles through the nearby shelves until a small, leather-bound book falls onto her table. It's a collection of Mary Oliver poems, opened to "When Death Comes."

Lisa picks up the book with trembling hands and reads aloud: "When death comes like the hungry bear in autumn... when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse to buy me, and snaps the purse shut... I want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering: what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness?"

The colors around her shift, the purple fading as the green grows brighter, more peaceful. She smiles, touching the page gently.

"Thank you, Thomas," she whispers.

I stay with her until she leaves, watching the colors trail behind her like a comet's tail. Then I do something I've never done before – I follow her. Not to her home or to the hospital, but to all the places in town that still hold beauty: the park where the teenage poet writes his awful, wonderful verses, the bench where the widower sits feeding pigeons, the small garden behind the library where Sarah takes her lunch breaks.

At each stop, I paint the air with every beautiful thing I've seen since dying, every moment of joy and wonder and connection I've witnessed. I don't know if she can see the colors, but I paint them anyway – gold for love, silver for hope, and a new color I've never used before, one that looks like sunlight through leaves, that means "you are not alone."

Being dead isn't what I expected. It's not an ending or a beginning, but a different way of being. A way of loving the world without being able to hold it. A way of touching lives without leaving fingerprints. A way of existing in the spaces between heartbeats, in the pause between words, in the moment before tears become laughter.

And sometimes, if you're very lucky, it's a way of showing someone else that the cottage of darkness isn't dark at all. It's full of colors only the dead can see, but the living can feel.

I think I'll stay in Millbrook a while longer. After all, there are still books to be found, cats to be comforted, and stories to be witnessed. Besides, I've heard there's a new ghost in town – a teacher who's been rearranging the letters on the high school announcement board to spell out poetry at midnight. I should probably introduce myself.

Being dead, I've learned, is just another way of being alive.

I have no idea where I am going with this except to say that I’m a sucker for a good documentary and I watched one yesterday. In fact, the one I watched was so good for someone with my upbringing that I feel compelled to complete the circle, and to document it in turn.

I stumbled across “In the Blink of an Eye” on Prime Video and started watching it with low hopes, but it did what good documentaries do, pulling me in, tickling my memory back to one of the passions of my youth; a passion which, as happened with Christmas at an even younger age, had its glory stolen away by the money grab of commercialism.

Those of you who know anything about me from my time here on site know that I am a redneck sprung from rednecks. I do not say this proudly, although I could. It is simply fact. And being a redneck, I like automobile racing (at least I did, once upon a time). In particular I like southern stock car racing. Like me, NASCAR sprung up from the red clay of our shared southern home; a heavy, sticky soil that packs out smooth and hard as hawked-out cement until it is perfectly suited to race cars on. So they did just that, those good ol’ boys of another era who came home from WWII having gained the three things required to create the perfect twister of a red-dust storm; mechanical knowledge, engineering experience, and a lust for excitement.

I vividly remember my first time at a race track. My father took me out to East-Side Speedway one night around 1970, when I was still small enough to be toted in his arms late at night. I remember the glow of the lights in the distance from where we parked, the roaring of cars which could not yet be seen, the anxiousness in my dad’s step to get those cars into view. I remember the roughness of the wooden bleachers beneath my bare feet, the glimmer of the lights off the whirling metal, the smells of wetted dust, burning high-test, popping corn and suspense. It was only small-time, small town racing, but it was sprinkled liberally with the magic dust of Grand National dreams.

A couple of years after that night, and right after the divorce, the old man called up my mother one Friday and asked if he could take me with him up to Martinsville, to see the “big boys” race. Caught quick like that and without an excuse handy Mom said yes. That weekend was the highlight of my childhood; camping out in the back of Pop’s pickup truck and joining in frisbee games where fifty-or-so Blue Ribbon and Marlboro toting fathers gathered in an outside circle throwing a bunch of frisbees across to each other while their screeching flock of kids in the middle happily chased down, and tussled over, any wayward throws (myself right in there with ’em). There were banjos picking over in that direction, and race cars roaring in the other, colorful flags flying on high with a blimp slow-rolling against the clouds, and best of all Richard Petty was right yonder; King Richard we called him, a sparse man sporting a big hat beside a sky-blue race car any of the three of which… man, hat or car… were already larger than life. It couldn’t possibly get any better for an eleven year old, yet it did. After that weekend followed Bristol, Rockingham, and finally Charlotte, the crown jewel of racing. What a summer!

You have to keep in mind that this was all pre-1979, when began an unquenchable thirst throughout America for all things NASCAR. Prior to 1979 Winston Cup racing was little more than a southern joke. The races were held in the south, the drivers were from the south, and there was little to no television coverage (the Daytona 500 being the lone exception as a once a year novelty event on ABC’s “Wide World of Sports”). The Daytona 500 is unique in that it is equivalent to NASCAR’s “Super Bowl”, but it is strangely held as the first race of the season, rather than the last. They run it first, in late February, because Daytona is usually warm then while the rest of America is still frozen. This was especially the case in 1979, as a gigantic snowstorm had settled over most of the east coast, forcing people inside on a Sunday afternoon, and this after the NFL season had ended and before baseball season had begun… the horror! With no other sport available for bored men to watch on an inside day they tuned into the Daytona 500, and those bored men were coincidentally treated to the greatest race in NASCAR history. For stock car racing, that snowstorm turned out to be the perfect storm, as a fantastic race culminated in a last lap crash, allowing NASCAR’s only nationally recognized name, Richard Petty, to sweep through to the checkered flag. And better yet, immediately after Petty flashed across the finish line in his famous STP branded racer the cameras panned back to the wreck where two drivers were fist fighting in the infield, and still another driver had leapt out of his car to come to the aid of his brother, the three of them throwing haymakers until the service trucks could get there to pull them apart! It was glorious, this two on one melee after a fantastic race with millions of first time viewers! It was the perfect storm indeed for a second rate sport, as fans from all over America began heading down south to watch those crazy-assed southerners race their hot rods. It was the height of happiness for me to see the rest of the country embracing my favorite sport!

For a while, at least.

Then my happy bubble burst. Mom moved us further away from Dad. Worse, she moved us to the city. Trips to race tracks ended for me. City life and time changed my priorities, as will happen, turning me away from “out of sight, out of mind race cars,” and toward girls, rock-n-roll, and a car of my own. But then came cable television. ESPN and TBS began showing races nearly every weekend. I found myself drawn back in by the ’84 Firecracker 400, hearing Ronald Reagan issue the “Gentlemen, start your engines” command from a phone in Air Force 1, and then seeing in real time, albeit on television, the image made famous by Sports Illustrated of Air Force 1 cruising in to land with that iconic STP car in the foreground, racing alone down Daytona’s backstretch. It was not my luck to be able to go to the races anymore, but I’ll be damned if racing wasn’t reaching out to me and pulling me back in, or so it seemed at the time.

A few years later my buddy Dave and I got us a place down at the beach. Dave laughed at me on those hot summer afternoons when I‘d hop on my ”beach cruiser” to pedal back up to our 17th Street apartment in time to catch my heroes on TV. My asshole friend would yell, “go on then, you hillbilly fuck” as I flipped him off on my way. The bikini-clad tourists could wait, I figured. Girls would always be there, but Talledega only came around twice a year. I guess those priorities hadn’t completely changed.

I will admit to being a little bit ass-hurt when my friend called me a “hillbilly fuck,“ so I did the only thing I could do. I loaded up my truck with beer and weed, shoved Dave into the passenger seat, and I converted him; two long-hairs in cut-off shorts and Van Halen t-shirts on a NASCAR roadtrip. What a fucking blast we had! I’ll never forget the joy on his face that entire weekend. We’d been to a lot of rock and roll shows, but there is a huge and obvious difference between 18,000 headbangers at a one-night stand, and 80,000 redneck wall-bangers rockin’ a racetrack for an entire weekend. Upon arrival Dave completely bought in to the laid-back party style of it (in particular to a group of redneck girls we came across as they bathed boldly shirtless in the dangerous southern sun, Dave kindly offering to shade them with his own naked body at much hazard). And to my chagrin he also bought in to the whole “Intimidator”, “Man in Black” thing, and so became a Dale Earnhardt fan (plus he knew I hated the driver whom many fans, myself included, referred to as Ironhead, rather than Earnhardt. You have to keep in mind that Dave was, as most maturing young men are with each other, a real butt-wipe).

Our front-stretch seats for that race were low down in the stands, a bit close to the track for comfort’s sake, but perfect to hear the sounds, sense the speed, and to get caught up in the drama of it all. Dave remained skeptical of the actual racing right up through the warm-up laps, looking at me like I was an idiot when I warned him that he’d best take off his brand new Earnhardt cap before they came around again or he would lose it. You see, it takes a minute at a track like Charlotte for speed to accumulate. Heavyweight American muscle doesn’t zip off the line like a sissy little European racer does. It gathers it’s momentum slowly, needing every bit of the mile-and-a-half, high banked speedway with the dog-leg rounding out it’s start-finish line to get it’s gears sorted out. Once that space and speed is gathered however, watch the hell out!

That first lap circled about like slow motion. I looked over, unsurprised by a cynicism on Dave’s face which only made me laugh, as I knew what was to come. Like two trains vying for supremacy the twin lines of cars drove away from us down the backstretch, circling bumper-to-bumper and side-by-side-by-side through turn three, the fans in the bleachers standing in salute before the onslaught. As they rounded through turn four you could feel a difference in the air, and in the crowd, and in the concrete seat beneath you as they came, the roar from forty-three, 600 hp engines screaming angrily towards you, the cars nervously jockeying for position like a boy at the movies on a first date. Like everyone else, Dave and I were also standing now as they approach us, me screaming and waving my driver forward, Dave watching them roar past in mesmerized wonder… and blissfully hatless.

It is not a difficult game, racing, though there are nuances to know. I recall at one point Eddie Bierschwale’s car got sideways and lifted completely up off the ground as if held there by a giant, invisible hand as it flew directly towards us. I was standing and could see the car’s undercarriage, exhaust system and all as it hung like a toy in front of me. Joyful, I turned to find Dave curled up in a humorous ball beneath his seat. Yet by day’s end my rookie friend was an expert, educated in every phase of racing; driver’s, strategies, and courtesies. Having hooked my fish, those Sunday afternoons watching races alone in our little apartment became parties of two when we were broke, which was much of the time, and roadtrips when we weren’t.

They say you can’t go home again. I found this to be true. Dave and I stayed in touch after I moved to Charlotte. I even bumped into him unexpectedly at a race once. I assumed that racing was something I would always have, and that my friend Dave and I would always share it, but time is fickle, taking Dave away for good and changing my beloved NASCAR into something almost unrecognizable, with ”Cars of Tomorrow” that all look exactly alike (some are even foreign, eee-gads!) and that are unable to pass one another without difficulty. And the racetracks are mostly as alike as the cars are, besides their being spread into far away geographies where there are no hardcore fans, hence the empty grandstands in Kansas, California, and Vegas most weekends. Ticket prices have become as ridiculous as those for NFL games, and then you have these drivers with midwestern names who whine when they lose, rather than fight. Nah, me and a hundred thousand other southerners will take a pass on that.

So I am pretty much done with racing. I still turn to some of the bigger races when I am home on a Sunday, but my attention quickly wanes. Gone is the Ford and Chevy rivalry, gone are the short tracks with their noon starts, gone are the drivers in open-faced helmets having a smoke at 200 mph, gone are the kids clinging to the catch fences, and the chicken bones and soda cans tossed down to the walkways, gone are the beer brands on cars, the cigarette brand on the trophies, and the pretty girls kissing the winner at race’s end (Well, the pretty girls might still be there, I honestly don’t know. Seems a bit sexist though, for this day and age?). It seems that, as everything does, Southern stock car racing has run its course.

But that documentary, now. I’ve got to say, that was pretty darn good. The racing scenes got me going, seeing the old guard strapped in again, hammer down and hell-bent for glory. It’s a shame my old buddy Dave and I can’t load up the truck for one last NASCAR roadtrip. I’ll bet he would like that, if he was still here with us.

I know I would, just once, for old time’s sake.

I was hoping my heartfelt apology, cooking your favorite dinner and letting you have ultimate control of the t.v. remote for the rest of the month would make amends. But upon opening the pantry and seeing you bought Unfrosted Strawberry Pop Tarts, it sent a clear, passive-aggressive message that you’re still mad at me.

A customer turns the corner and heads toward my sidewalk café on Oak Street.

Just a man walking a dog on a hot day. That’s what the average person might see. But my entrepreneurial mind races through the demographics and likely spending habits of this prospective customer.

Disposable income is up for males in the 35-44 age bracket, which is where I place this fellow. And when I calculate the entertainment and dining percentages, especially on a Saturday afternoon scorcher in August, I think my café is exactly where he needs to be. And, yes, he starts to reach for his back pocket.

“Hey, mister! Over here. May I pet your doggie?”

Drat, it’s my competitor! He is trying to lure MY customer to Louie’s, that new establishment across the street. Who does he think he is? Doesn’t he know that most startups are doomed to fail?

No! My customer is stopping. His dog tugs on the leash, and they start to cross the street.

But I wasn’t born yesterday. I hop on the sidewalk with my delicious product in my left hand and a doggie treat in my right.

“What an adorable Labradoodle, sir!” I coo.

The dog sees my outstretched palm and pulls MY customer back to me. The dog snatches the treat and I offer a tall cool glass of my blushing liquid refreshment, with three glistening ice cubes.

The customer licks his lips between sips. He reaches for his wallet, but I gently shake my head.

“No sir,” I say confidently. “This one is on the house.”

I know that repeat business breeds success. And this customer will be back.

He returns the empty glass and adds, “That is just the cool break I needed.”

As my customer leaves, I catch a glimpse of my glum competitor across the street.

I lean on my card table by the curb, and I pat my taped-on sign, “Carol’s Pink Lemonade.”

“Yes,” I give myself a mental attagirl, “you’ve got to get up pretty early to put one by this seven-year-old.”

Cornelia Crostini, a golden-brown cube of perfection, sat at her mahogany desk in her book-lined study at Breadvard University. The gentle whir of her laptop's fan mixed with the ticking of an antique clock, creating a soothing backdrop for her writing session. Cornelia, a distinguished professor of Creative Writing and Breadular Studies, was working on her latest novella – a story that had consumed her thoughts for weeks.

Her fingers hovered over the keyboard as she pondered her protagonist's journey. Cornelia had always written about the upper crust of society, tales of well-bred baguettes and artisanal focaccias navigating high-society soirées. But lately, she'd felt a gnawing emptiness in her work, a hunger for something more... substantial.

That's when inspiration struck, as sudden and transformative as the heat of a convection oven. She would write about a different kind of hero – a crouton from the other side of the breadbox, one struggling with real-world challenges. With renewed purpose, Cornelia began to type:

---

Rye Cobb never thought he'd find himself in a community college classroom at the age of 35, surrounded by croutons fresh from the bakery. Yet here he was, a transfer student at Sesame Seed Community College, pursuing an Associate's degree in English with hopes of one day becoming a writer.

Rye's path to higher education had been anything but direct. For years, he had been lost in a haze of breadcrumbs and cooking sherry, his potential slowly going stale. But three years ago, he'd hit rock bottom – or rather, the bottom of the salad bowl. Waking up one morning, drenched in ranch dressing and reeking of vinaigrette, Rye had a moment of clarity. He needed help.

That day, Rye attended his first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. Sitting in a circle with other struggles of bread, from dinner rolls battling dinner wine addictions to pitas grappling with beer-battered pasts, Rye found a community that understood his struggles.

"Hi, I'm Rye, and I'm an alcoholic," he'd said, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Hi, Rye," the group responded, their warmth enveloping him like the embrace of a toaster.

Now, three years sober, Rye was rebuilding his life one crumb at a time. Community college was his chance at a fresh start, an opportunity to prove that even a stale old crouton could rise again.

As Professor Pumpernickel droned on about the intricacies of iambic pentameter, Rye's mind wandered. He absentmindedly doodled in his notebook, his pen tracing the outline of a familiar shape – a small, square crouton with expressive eyes and a furrowed brow.

Rye had started drawing this little character a few weeks into his first semester. At first, it was just a way to stay awake during particularly dry lectures. But soon, the doodles evolved into something more – a comic strip chronicling the existential crisis of a crouton named Crumb.

In today's panel, Crumb stared forlornly at a bowl of soup. "Am I meant to float... or sink?" read the thought bubble above his head.

Rye smiled to himself. Crumb's philosophical musings often mirrored his own inner struggles. The comic had become a way for Rye to process his journey, to find humor and meaning in the daily challenges of staying sober and pursuing his dreams.

After class, Rye headed to the campus coffee shop, The Daily Grind. As he sipped his decaf latte (caffeine being one of the few vices he allowed himself these days), he pulled out his sketchbook and began working on the next installment of Crumb's adventures.

In this strip, Crumb attended his first philosophy class. "If a crouton falls in a salad and no one's around to hear it, does it make a sound?" the professor asked. The final panel showed Crumb lying awake in bed, eyes wide with existential dread.

Rye chuckled as he put the finishing touches on the comic. He'd started sharing these strips on the college's online forum, and to his surprise, they'd gained quite a following. Students and faculty alike resonated with Crumb's quest for meaning in a world that often seemed absurd and overwhelming.

As Rye packed up his things, he glanced at his watch. It was nearly time for his daily AA meeting. He never missed a meeting – they were his anchor, keeping him grounded when the currents of life threatened to sweep him away.

The meeting was held in a small room in the basement of a local church. The smell of coffee and stale donuts filled the air as Rye took his usual seat. He nodded to the familiar faces around him – Whole Wheat Wally, Sourdough Sally, and Bagel Bob.

When it was his turn to speak, Rye stood up, his crust crackling slightly with the movement. "Hi, I'm Rye, and I'm an alcoholic. I've been sober for three years, two months, and fifteen days."

A chorus of "Hi, Rye" and supportive murmurs filled the room.

"Lately, I've been thinking a lot about purpose," Rye continued. "For so long, I thought my purpose was at the bottom of a bottle. Now, I'm in school, pursuing this dream of being a writer. And I've started this comic strip..." He paused, chuckling softly. "It's about a crouton having an existential crisis. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just projecting my own issues onto this little cartoon character."

The group listened attentively, nodding in understanding. Whole Wheat Wally spoke up, "Isn't that what all great art does, though? It takes our inner struggles and puts them out there for others to connect with."

Rye nodded, grateful for the insight. "You're right, Wally. I guess I'm learning that my experiences – even the painful ones – can have meaning if they help others feel less alone."

After the meeting, Rye walked back to his small studio apartment. It wasn't much – just a kitchenette, a futon, and a small desk where he worked on his writing and comics. But to Rye, it was a palace compared to the gutters and park benches he'd called home during the worst of his drinking days.

As he settled in for the night, Rye reflected on his journey. Three years ago, he couldn't have imagined being where he was now – sober, in school, pursuing his passion. It hadn't been easy. There were days when the cravings hit hard, when the weight of his past mistakes threatened to crush him. But he'd learned to take it one day at a time, to find strength in his support system and his art.

Rye pulled out his sketchbook and began working on a new strip. In this one, Crumb stood at a crossroads, looking uncertain. One path led to a salad bowl, safe but perhaps unfulfilling. The other led to an unknown destination, full of possibilities but also potential dangers.

As Rye drew, he realized that this strip was as much about his own journey as it was about Crumb's. He was at a crossroads too, pursuing a dream that sometimes seemed impossible. But he was also discovering a truth that no bottle could ever reveal – that he had stories to tell, and that those stories mattered.

The next day, as Rye sat in his Creative Writing class, Professor Ciabatta asked the students to share their latest works. With a deep breath, Rye volunteered to go first. He read aloud a short story he'd written, inspired by his experiences in AA. It was raw, honest, and sprinkled with the kind of humor that can only come from confronting one's deepest pain.

When he finished reading, the classroom was silent for a moment. Then, slowly, applause began to build. Professor Ciabatta's eyes shone with pride. "That, class," she said, "is what we call finding your voice."

Encouraged by the response, Rye decided to take a risk. He pulled out his sketchbook and showed the class his comics. To his amazement, his classmates loved them. They saw in Crumb's existential musings a reflection of their own uncertainties and fears.

"You should submit these to the college newspaper," one student suggested.

"Or start a webcomic," another chimed in.

For the first time in years, Rye felt a flutter of excitement about the future. He had found a way to turn his struggles into art, to connect with others through shared experiences of doubt, recovery, and resilience.

That night, as Rye worked on his latest comic strip, he felt a sense of peace wash over him. Crumb, his pencil-drawn alter ego, smiled up at him from the page. In this strip, Crumb stood proudly in a graduation cap and gown, diploma in hand. The thought bubble above his head read, "Maybe the meaning of life is to create your own meaning."

Rye set down his pen and smiled. He was still on his journey, still taking it one day at a time. But now he had purpose, community, and a way to share his story with the world. As he got ready for bed, Rye whispered a quiet thank you to whatever force had led him to that first AA meeting three years ago.

Tomorrow would bring new challenges, new strips to draw, new stories to write. But Rye was ready to face them, armed with his sobriety, his education, and his art. He was no longer just floating in life's soup – he was choosing to swim, one stroke at a time.

---

Cornelia Crostini leaned back in her chair, a satisfied smile crinkling her golden-brown surface. She had done it – she had written a story that felt real, that had substance beyond the superficial crunch of high society.

As she saved her work, Cornelia felt a renewed appreciation for her craft. She had always believed in the power of stories to change lives, but now she understood that sometimes, the most powerful stories come from unexpected places – like a community college classroom or an AA meeting in a church basement.

Cornelia made a mental note to invite some guest speakers from diverse backgrounds to her next writing seminar. Perhaps it was time for Breadvard to expand its definition of literary merit.

With a contented sigh, Cornelia closed her laptop. Tomorrow, she would revise and refine her tale of Rye Cobb. But for now, she allowed herself to bask in the warmth of a story well-told, a reminder that every crouton – whether from the highest echelon of society or the humblest salad bar – has a story worth telling.

I look forward to returning to the School of Assassins this semester. Last year I learned silent strangulation, laser marksmanship, and creative impaling. I also won the award for the Best Mortal Blow, for which I've already apologized to two families. (The guy was an excellent bigamist, for God's sake; now he's a dead Mormon.)

This year I need to repeat my Ninja Murder curriculum and Bleaching Forensics. I surely hope my lab partner will return. I say this because one of the most sobering things about coming back to school each Fall is seeing who doesn't make it back.