Selahkx
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Written by Selahkx in portal Poetry & Free Verse

I sometimes think I have

A sickness

I love the ones who hurt me

I hurt the ones who fight to stay

For too long I've

Addressed symptoms

Now I must root out the strain

I caught the illness

From my mom who

Caught it from her mom

Who caught it from a

Bottle

~generational pain

selah.k_x

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Written by Selahkx in portal Poetry & Free Verse
I sometimes think I have
A sickness
I love the ones who hurt me
I hurt the ones who fight to stay
For too long I've
Addressed symptoms
Now I must root out the strain
I caught the illness
From my mom who
Caught it from her mom
Who caught it from a
Bottle
~generational pain

selah.k_x
#nonfiction  #poetry  #family  #generationalpain 
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Written by Selahkx in portal Poetry & Free Verse

The rhyme

I've

Overcome losing my home

Had my heart broken over a phone

Endured losing

Friends and lovers to scorn

Cried tears of grief to bury unborn

Death and I have played

Chess 'til morn'

...yet

You have power more

Than any of those things

I fear you more

Than any of those things

Your existence holds great meaning

That word I threw around

A childish quip

Now bruises my mouth

To escape my lips

Its glowing rips like a pebble skips

Across the vastness of heaven...

I never knew this word.

Until

Until

Until...

The reason

You never told me that word

But you showed me that word

You took the meaty pulped mess

Of your heartache filled childhood The dangered storied anger from

Your black american manhood

Formed the truest replica of the heart

You had before Life beat it out

It was your Sun Day best

Offered up at the altar of my soul

Bloody and raw and ethereal in its

Beauty

Priceless unflawed because it was

You

And you were so brave

And you were so ready

To fight and believe

And to stand in the sun

But I gave you midnight

There was light in me but you were

Only permitted to view it from a Shroud of darkness

That is only my second regret of 31 Years in this life.

What number regret am I for you?

The ending

I am content

I am healthy

I laugh

I succeed

I eat

I flirt

I find great joy and beauty in life

I'll one day consider becoming a wife

But you tell me I'll never be yours...

Life is magic and tragic like that

The last word

I used to think it was gasoline soaked silk sheets and pink passionate flames. I used to think it was only realized when the word was softly exclaimed.

I now know. It is a word I have never said to your face but we both know I do. You knew before reading this letter every line would say I love you.

exhaling. dulling. aching. missing.

~touch (pt. deaux)

selah.k_x

<<Life is magic and tragic like that.>>

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Written by Selahkx in portal Poetry & Free Verse
The rhyme
I've
Overcome losing my home
Had my heart broken over a phone
Endured losing
Friends and lovers to scorn
Cried tears of grief to bury unborn
Death and I have played
Chess 'til morn'

...yet

You have power more
Than any of those things
I fear you more
Than any of those things
Your existence holds great meaning

That word I threw around
A childish quip
Now bruises my mouth
To escape my lips
Its glowing rips like a pebble skips
Across the vastness of heaven...

I never knew this word.

Until
Until
Until...

The reason
You never told me that word
But you showed me that word
You took the meaty pulped mess
Of your heartache filled childhood The dangered storied anger from
Your black american manhood
Formed the truest replica of the heart
You had before Life beat it out

It was your Sun Day best
Offered up at the altar of my soul
Bloody and raw and ethereal in its
Beauty
Priceless unflawed because it was
You

And you were so brave
And you were so ready
To fight and believe
And to stand in the sun
But I gave you midnight

There was light in me but you were
Only permitted to view it from a Shroud of darkness
That is only my second regret of 31 Years in this life.
What number regret am I for you?

The ending
I am content
I am healthy
I laugh
I succeed
I eat
I flirt
I find great joy and beauty in life
I'll one day consider becoming a wife

But you tell me I'll never be yours...

Life is magic and tragic like that

The last word
I used to think it was gasoline soaked silk sheets and pink passionate flames. I used to think it was only realized when the word was softly exclaimed.

I now know. It is a word I have never said to your face but we both know I do. You knew before reading this letter every line would say I love you.

exhaling. dulling. aching. missing.
~touch (pt. deaux)
selah.k_x

<<Life is magic and tragic like that.>>
#love  #heartbreak  #regret  #forgiveness 
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Written by Selahkx in portal Poetry & Free Verse

I barely remember it all now, just details that leap out to me when I think of him sometimes. You know, important things that you think are small when you're in the It, but in hindsight turn out to be the Everything.

I remember the night I met him. It was early April 2004. I was 18. He was 22. He walked in with his friend who was visiting my room mate. I was annoyed and didn't want company. Then we locked eyes. He was the physical manifestation of the boy of my dreams. He hopped up on my bed like he'd known me my whole life and told me his name in the cocky, nonchalant way the handsome ones tend to do. I blushed and smiled, but my eyes never left his. He was mine and we knew it. Everyone in the room saw the change that came over us.

We were going to Be.

From that day forward we were inseparable in Spirit and physical proximity.

The feeling was pure. It was cutting. It made me realize I was truly alive. He was beautiful and kind and tall and intelligent and hailed from New York. He spoke the same language as me. We didn't need words. It was understood.

We would spend hours marveling at the contrasts in our skins: mine was a richly dark mahogany next to his olive shot through with coppers and golds. He'd raptly watch me play violin in his t-shirts on lazy Saturday mornings turned into afternoons. He held my hand tightly everywhere we went, even while he was driving. He thought I was the most lovely girl he'd ever known and told anyone that who would listen.

He was the only man who has ever stood up and battled for me against those whom I felt defenseless. He was the first man to send me flowers - pink roses often and just because. He was tone deaf and had no rhythm but loved music I think sometimes even more than me. He wrote me letters and poetry and talked me to sleep every night that first summer when I was away from him.

He taught me to love non-fiction books and chess and documentaries and the power of sitting with someone in Silence. He spoiled me. He grounded me. He was one of the best friends I'll ever have. He taught me what love is. He taught me how to love myself. He saved my life.

He was a romantic. He was strong. He was humble. He was quiet. He was a good Cancer. He loved me more than anyone he had ever known before in this life. He made sure everyone knew that, especially me.

Love became a tangible entity and wafted off of our skin like perfume. It was Spring when we met, and those warm months turned into hot months then cold then warm again. With him I took my first steps into womanhood. It seemed that the sun rose every morning just for us. Everyday was an adventure. Everything seemed be covered in sunshine and rose petals. He was my drug. I finally understood why civilizations rise and fall all in the name of that emotion.

Women stared at him when we were together, but he always stared at me. He imprinted into every groove and curve of my body. He taught me that physical love and emotional love and spiritual love combine to make pleasure Infinitely.

His dad was German and his mom was Haitian. Quite the interesting combination. He had the temper of the half-island country and the predisposition for cruelty of the white man. That didn't come out until the end when we were trying our best to break each other's hearts.

My friends liked him for me until when a couple years in they began to notice my weight fluctuating based on the state of my relationship-thin for bad, chubby for happy. I was an average size to skinny the last year of our relationship. To this day, I only wear stretch jeans, a habit I picked up during that year.

We were too young to make the life we wanted together become a reality. He had no father and I had no kin. We were both hurting and wanted so badly to heal the other. We kept trying to fill those voids. We failed, but we were too young to realize that is not the job of another human being-filling another's Empty.

Failure turned into resentment. Resentment turned into cruelty. We loved each other and knew each other very well, so when we began The Hurting we became monsters. We broke each other's hearts. I didn't get out of bed for 3 days after the last time I saw his face because I knew I would never see him again. I Changed. I became hard and stopped playing my violin and writing and smiling. I stopped going to class. My professors were kind and passed me anyway because even they understood. I ran away and joined the Navy two days after graduation. It took me almost a decade of breaking my heart and the hearts of others to stop running. I've finally forgiven both of us.

One of the best days we ever had was spent drunk and in love gallivanting around New York City. He had gotten down on his knee and given me a ring not long before that day. I remember its proud flaunting in the Harlem sun.

In Brooklyn we passed a woman struggling to make it down subway stairs that we were walking up. She had her hands full with two toddlers and a baby in a stroller. He told me - Hold on K; picked up the stroller with one hand and the smallest toddler with the other. He flashed a gilded smile at all of us that my brain committed to long-term memory. Even the baby girl was dazzled. I watched him run down the stairs like only the young and free dare to. He just had a heart like that.

At the bottom of the stairs the woman gave him a hug and yelled back up to me -

You got a good one girl, don't let him go. I yelled back - I never will.

I did. I have.

He now has a wife and a daughter of his own. I learned they were married seven years ago when a picture from a mutual friend passed across my screen. You think you know pain-you do not. Not until you've seen the person you've loved the most on this earth married to the woman you knew as his classmate only 2 years before. I was angry at and mistrustful of men and the world for a long time after that. But, alas, Time does heal. So does Love of Self. And Writing. And Music. And Hope.

I knew I had released the ghost last week when I reflected on how much his little girl looks like him. How happy his wife looks. How proud I was of him. I smiled at those thoughts and breathed the last of him out of my lungs. Al fin.

I remember the intensity of the Spring sun the last day I ever saw him; it was making his skin shine like new gold. We were holding hands but the space between us was finally impossible to span. The tears that welled up in both of us betrayed the last lies we ever told each other: See you later, we said. My last words with him were exchanged in the place where I first realized I was in love with him. It was by a lake they call Salem. Fitting how that word means peace.

The sun burned brightly in the sky on both of those days, lapping, waving, rippling, and sparkling the water like water only does when it's warmed. I'll always remember the sparkling. Everything about our relationship was a poem, especially our goodbye.

To this day, I still smile deeply inward at the sight and smell and feel of pink roses...

Thank you.

~rose gold

selah.k_x

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Written by Selahkx in portal Poetry & Free Verse
I barely remember it all now, just details that leap out to me when I think of him sometimes. You know, important things that you think are small when you're in the It, but in hindsight turn out to be the Everything.
I remember the night I met him. It was early April 2004. I was 18. He was 22. He walked in with his friend who was visiting my room mate. I was annoyed and didn't want company. Then we locked eyes. He was the physical manifestation of the boy of my dreams. He hopped up on my bed like he'd known me my whole life and told me his name in the cocky, nonchalant way the handsome ones tend to do. I blushed and smiled, but my eyes never left his. He was mine and we knew it. Everyone in the room saw the change that came over us.
We were going to Be.
From that day forward we were inseparable in Spirit and physical proximity.
The feeling was pure. It was cutting. It made me realize I was truly alive. He was beautiful and kind and tall and intelligent and hailed from New York. He spoke the same language as me. We didn't need words. It was understood.
We would spend hours marveling at the contrasts in our skins: mine was a richly dark mahogany next to his olive shot through with coppers and golds. He'd raptly watch me play violin in his t-shirts on lazy Saturday mornings turned into afternoons. He held my hand tightly everywhere we went, even while he was driving. He thought I was the most lovely girl he'd ever known and told anyone that who would listen.
He was the only man who has ever stood up and battled for me against those whom I felt defenseless. He was the first man to send me flowers - pink roses often and just because. He was tone deaf and had no rhythm but loved music I think sometimes even more than me. He wrote me letters and poetry and talked me to sleep every night that first summer when I was away from him.
He taught me to love non-fiction books and chess and documentaries and the power of sitting with someone in Silence. He spoiled me. He grounded me. He was one of the best friends I'll ever have. He taught me what love is. He taught me how to love myself. He saved my life.
He was a romantic. He was strong. He was humble. He was quiet. He was a good Cancer. He loved me more than anyone he had ever known before in this life. He made sure everyone knew that, especially me.
Love became a tangible entity and wafted off of our skin like perfume. It was Spring when we met, and those warm months turned into hot months then cold then warm again. With him I took my first steps into womanhood. It seemed that the sun rose every morning just for us. Everyday was an adventure. Everything seemed be covered in sunshine and rose petals. He was my drug. I finally understood why civilizations rise and fall all in the name of that emotion.
Women stared at him when we were together, but he always stared at me. He imprinted into every groove and curve of my body. He taught me that physical love and emotional love and spiritual love combine to make pleasure Infinitely.
His dad was German and his mom was Haitian. Quite the interesting combination. He had the temper of the half-island country and the predisposition for cruelty of the white man. That didn't come out until the end when we were trying our best to break each other's hearts.
My friends liked him for me until when a couple years in they began to notice my weight fluctuating based on the state of my relationship-thin for bad, chubby for happy. I was an average size to skinny the last year of our relationship. To this day, I only wear stretch jeans, a habit I picked up during that year.
We were too young to make the life we wanted together become a reality. He had no father and I had no kin. We were both hurting and wanted so badly to heal the other. We kept trying to fill those voids. We failed, but we were too young to realize that is not the job of another human being-filling another's Empty.
Failure turned into resentment. Resentment turned into cruelty. We loved each other and knew each other very well, so when we began The Hurting we became monsters. We broke each other's hearts. I didn't get out of bed for 3 days after the last time I saw his face because I knew I would never see him again. I Changed. I became hard and stopped playing my violin and writing and smiling. I stopped going to class. My professors were kind and passed me anyway because even they understood. I ran away and joined the Navy two days after graduation. It took me almost a decade of breaking my heart and the hearts of others to stop running. I've finally forgiven both of us.
One of the best days we ever had was spent drunk and in love gallivanting around New York City. He had gotten down on his knee and given me a ring not long before that day. I remember its proud flaunting in the Harlem sun.
In Brooklyn we passed a woman struggling to make it down subway stairs that we were walking up. She had her hands full with two toddlers and a baby in a stroller. He told me - Hold on K; picked up the stroller with one hand and the smallest toddler with the other. He flashed a gilded smile at all of us that my brain committed to long-term memory. Even the baby girl was dazzled. I watched him run down the stairs like only the young and free dare to. He just had a heart like that.
At the bottom of the stairs the woman gave him a hug and yelled back up to me -
You got a good one girl, don't let him go. I yelled back - I never will.
I did. I have.
He now has a wife and a daughter of his own. I learned they were married seven years ago when a picture from a mutual friend passed across my screen. You think you know pain-you do not. Not until you've seen the person you've loved the most on this earth married to the woman you knew as his classmate only 2 years before. I was angry at and mistrustful of men and the world for a long time after that. But, alas, Time does heal. So does Love of Self. And Writing. And Music. And Hope.
I knew I had released the ghost last week when I reflected on how much his little girl looks like him. How happy his wife looks. How proud I was of him. I smiled at those thoughts and breathed the last of him out of my lungs. Al fin.
I remember the intensity of the Spring sun the last day I ever saw him; it was making his skin shine like new gold. We were holding hands but the space between us was finally impossible to span. The tears that welled up in both of us betrayed the last lies we ever told each other: See you later, we said. My last words with him were exchanged in the place where I first realized I was in love with him. It was by a lake they call Salem. Fitting how that word means peace.
The sun burned brightly in the sky on both of those days, lapping, waving, rippling, and sparkling the water like water only does when it's warmed. I'll always remember the sparkling. Everything about our relationship was a poem, especially our goodbye.
To this day, I still smile deeply inward at the sight and smell and feel of pink roses...
Thank you.
~rose gold
selah.k_x
#shortstory  #love  #memories 
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Written by Selahkx in portal Poetry & Free Verse

no one has measured,

not even poets,

how much the

heart can

hold

~Zelda Fitzgerald

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Written by Selahkx in portal Poetry & Free Verse
no one has measured,
not even poets,
how much the
heart can
hold
~Zelda Fitzgerald
#nonfiction  #romance  #poetry  #spirituality  #culture  #lyrics  #opinion 
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Written by Selahkx in portal Poetry & Free Verse

a man tried to

silence

my mind

tonight

it made me realize

how much i

miss you

with you i never had

to explain

mySelf

~even in my silence

selah.k_x

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Written by Selahkx in portal Poetry & Free Verse
a man tried to
silence
my mind
tonight

it made me realize
how much i
miss you

with you i never had
to explain
mySelf

~even in my silence
selah.k_x
#nonfiction  #romance  #poetry  #philosophy  #love  #spirituality  #friendship  #opinion 
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Written by Selahkx in portal Poetry & Free Verse

Women are the most beautiful creatures on this earth

~strip club reflections

selah.k_x

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Written by Selahkx in portal Poetry & Free Verse
Women are the most beautiful creatures on this earth
~strip club reflections
selah.k_x
#fantasy  #nonfiction  #romance  #adventure  #education  #poetry  #philosophy  #mystery  #politics  #news  #culture  #opinion 
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Written by Selahkx in portal Poetry & Free Verse

now comes the understanding:

warriors can be gentle too

~my armor is removed

selah.k_x

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Written by Selahkx in portal Poetry & Free Verse
now comes the understanding:
warriors can be gentle too
~my armor is removed
selah.k_x
#nonfiction  #romance  #poetry  #spirituality 
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Written by Selahkx

She has a funny way of holding her head to the side so she looks like she's studying you and smiling. Her features are round but it's all somehow symmetrical. Her eyes are her best feature... they fill her face even though they aren't very big. She is short but carries herself so tall. She has a high raspy voice that borders on shrill when excited. She curses like a sailor. Her body inspires lust but she thinks she's better at a smaller weight. Her smile is the Sahara. Brown, shifting, expansive. Apparent. She is smart in an arrogant way sometimes, but she is usually right. She reads a lot so she knows many things. Life taught her more, too. People are often confused that someone who looks like her thinks and acts the way she does. That's the funny thing. She is lucky blessed highly favored always landing on her feet. She is often alone but never lonely. She has always been her first and last friend. She loves hard and changes every man who loves her. She lives to laugh but impressing her is not a given. Some people call that vanity. Teach her something and make her laugh to win her heart. She ages backwards. She has one gray hair on her head but no wrinkles on her skin. She is in love with no one but herself for the first time in her adult life. She finally understands the word 'obey' but will not give her submission to anyone other than her True lover and friend. She will wait. She loves herself more right now than she ever has in this life.

She is up.

~my love letter to me

selah.k_x

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Written by Selahkx
She has a funny way of holding her head to the side so she looks like she's studying you and smiling. Her features are round but it's all somehow symmetrical. Her eyes are her best feature... they fill her face even though they aren't very big. She is short but carries herself so tall. She has a high raspy voice that borders on shrill when excited. She curses like a sailor. Her body inspires lust but she thinks she's better at a smaller weight. Her smile is the Sahara. Brown, shifting, expansive. Apparent. She is smart in an arrogant way sometimes, but she is usually right. She reads a lot so she knows many things. Life taught her more, too. People are often confused that someone who looks like her thinks and acts the way she does. That's the funny thing. She is lucky blessed highly favored always landing on her feet. She is often alone but never lonely. She has always been her first and last friend. She loves hard and changes every man who loves her. She lives to laugh but impressing her is not a given. Some people call that vanity. Teach her something and make her laugh to win her heart. She ages backwards. She has one gray hair on her head but no wrinkles on her skin. She is in love with no one but herself for the first time in her adult life. She finally understands the word 'obey' but will not give her submission to anyone other than her True lover and friend. She will wait. She loves herself more right now than she ever has in this life.
She is up.
~my love letter to me
selah.k_x
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Written by Selahkx in portal Poetry & Free Verse

my best sex ever:

bookgeniusstreetsmartloverboyman

seduced with his ruminations on 

geological intricacies of global 

warming, bad love, good food, SheGod, 

Al Pacino, how our star signs attract/ 

ignite. he said Gemini's were the best 

and worst women of the zodiac. 

i guess i proved him right.

 we were so far gone 

by the first time we touched we saw 

those same supernovas we'd been pondering 

the colors of into the wee hours of the 

morning...

        ~phone boning            selah.k_x

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Written by Selahkx in portal Poetry & Free Verse
my best sex ever:
bookgeniusstreetsmartloverboyman
seduced with his ruminations on 
geological intricacies of global 
warming, bad love, good food, SheGod, 
Al Pacino, how our star signs attract/ 
ignite. he said Gemini's were the best 
and worst women of the zodiac. 
i guess i proved him right.
 we were so far gone 
by the first time we touched we saw 
those same supernovas we'd been pondering 
the colors of into the wee hours of the 
morning...
        ~phone boning            selah.k_x
#nonfiction  #romance  #poetry  #love  #friendship 
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Written by Selahkx in portal Poetry & Free Verse

his gaze drips

across me...

dew on the first Rey

of morning.

watch...

the Sun then

rise in me.

~lust, He

selah.k_x

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Written by Selahkx in portal Poetry & Free Verse
his gaze drips
across me...
dew on the first Rey
of morning.
watch...
the Sun then
rise in me.
~lust, He
selah.k_x
#nonfiction  #romance  #love  #lust  #erotica 
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