MINDFLIP} study and analysis

This is Part 2 of Test Subjects. The transition point. A turn of thought processes, observations and considerations which changed my perspective from "my world" to a more accurate "the world." 

"People. Perspectives. Emotions. Intentions. Actions. Words. Expressions. The information was there all along, waiting to be uncoiled and understood, absent personal bias. Each bit relating to one another, yet profound enough in of themselves to be of singular import but still inclusively paramount for the broader picture." - TEST SUBJECTS concluding excerpt.

You see, with a "my world" perspective everything you say, do, think, and even dream, often all revolves around the wins and woes of your life. When people make you mad it's usually on purpose, because they're morons, or they don't care about you/it/whatever. You help to be helped. Give to receive. And also tend to take what's yours before offering any leftovers. At least, that's how it was for me and pretty much every person I've spoke to who's evolved past such thinking. Naturally, it's hard to see when you're in it, and so unmistakably obvious once you've gained some distance from that kind of being.

This is why reflection is important. This is why the transition is all about study and analysis. When I started to question my own intentions, I stepped back from things and did a lot more watching and listening than talking or participating. The easiest behaviors to spot were the ones that reminded me of myself and what I was trying to make change with. Too, almost as apparent, were the behaviors I realized I admired. Both extremes prompted a lot of thinking. How did those people get to become who they are? That lead to the seemingly easier question: How did I get to be the way I was before I decided I wanted to change?

The answer to the latter question is too complex and personal to share without taking over this prose, though I can and will say it's a sum of several parts, like dominoes.

1. Genetics - no question about it, even between my twin and I there are obvious differences in our wiring, so to speak, which has a direct impact on our perception of things at any given time, how we learn, how we process information, and even how we feel.

2. Adolescent Influences - it's a broad category but a critical one because the basis of who we are always spawns from the experiences of our youths, when we're figuring things out and learning about the world and our assumed or commanded place in it. Everything making imprints on us, shaping the core foundations of our decision making mentality: opinions, beliefs, moral alignments, personal principals.. those things we experience through adolescent life which influence how we make decisions into adult hood, when it becomes socially and or culturally required of us.

3. Emotional Development - a massive domino built with the combination of #1 & #2 to the result of different balances; more balanced development = more stable domino, less balance development = less stable domino and no two dominoes are exactly alike. Emotional Development is most influenced in our youth, yet there remains proof all around us, which also indicates this element is key even in adulthood, and still very much something influenced by outside forces (e.g. circumstances and people)

4. Sense of Self - like Emotional Development, our Sense of Self is directly influenced by the above mentioned elements. Though it should be noted, there usually is a revolving pattern between #3 and #4 in how they influence each other within their host. Some hosts/people having a stronger sense of self than others, who feel lost in defining who they are. Similarly to #3, our Sense of Self can and usually does change as we mentally and emotionally evolve. 

5. Sense of the World - our big-picture understanding of things, and their factual or cultural acceptance; e.g. gravity vs respect. Our Sense of the World may also reflect a bit of our Sense of Self; the harder we are on ourselves, the harder we tend to be on the world around us, when it comes to such reflections.

It took a lot of time to sort through my (relatively short 30 year) lifetime of choices, influences, decisions and outcomes. In doing so, it began to feel like following threads on a pin-board-timeline-road-map. Which is also how I came up with those five factors, elements, or dominoes as I've called them. Every pin in the board (metaphorically color coded as a choice, influence, decision, or outcome) had it's own strings to those five dominoes in one way or another. Every choice presented to me had a genetic connection though it may be easier to process if you consider #BlackLivesMatter, and how some people still make decisions (and thusly offer choices to individuals) based on things related to genetics: skin color, hair color, ethnic origins and so on. Every choice had connections to past choices of adolescent influences. Every choice could be linked to my state of emotional development, such as ties as simple as whether or not I thought I could emotionally handle my options. My Sense of Self and Sense of the World also had bricks in the foundations of each choice available to me-- hinging on an interpretive truth, that was my perception-- such as determining it had to be this choice or that choice without considering alternate options because my Sense of Self and Sense of the World deemed there were no other (or better) options.

So, with that in mind and a better understanding of my own evolution as far as it had gone at the time, I continued watching and listening but also started engaging, asking probing questions to give me insight into their strings-- the other people's pin-boards. Let me tell you, I've gotten glimpses of a lot of metaphorical pin-boards, and even though many share common threads, similar choices, influences, genetics and emotional developments and so on.., no pin-board has ever been identical-- Different order of events, different levels of influence, different degrees of understanding and progress over different spans of time. So many differing variables it was amazing there were so many similarities too.

A reminder to the unquestionable uniqueness of what it means to be an individual, and yet even in individuality there is commonality. 

Think on that for a moment.

For me, this revelation was a "mindflip," hence the title, because it had a huge impact on my perception of.. well everyone. Personalities and demeanors became indicators of a person's personal level of evolution; like signs marking the roadways of their lives, defining which path they're on and sometimes, what road they just turned off of. Most importantly, there was abundant proof, people can and do change course (change as people.) Proof, from my observations, that the notion that "people never change" only comes from the cultural recycling of behaviors-- those circling the same round-about ramp, not seeing the other roads around to loop of follow-the-leader, or are not yet willing to make the change of direction.

Yeah, don't be abashed to re-read that and let it sink in as you consider your own observations and experiences with people.

I'm not afraid to admit, it took me a while to really grasp what I was beginning to understand. To comprehend it enough to be able to write it out, as I am now. Even for someone like me, who considers herself on the border of genius, it wasn't like an immediate clearing of thundering skies. As much as I believed I could "flip a switch" and be enlightened, the reality didn't quite work that way.

It's a gradual process.

If you can imagine those negative traits of yours as rocks, like dense stone, as the parts that you wish to change, then the positive influences and decisions to change are water; and despite the power of that water, it still takes years of constant movement/progress, to erode those stones and reshape your way of thinking.

I wish I could say I have no rocks left to whittle but I do, yet having eroded other mental stones during my journey, I know I can do it, and I know it's okay if it takes me a while to dissolve all the stones and be only the water; fluid, adaptive, conductive, strong yet also fragile and perhaps best of all, receptive.

As for what will happen when I get to that point? I don't know, though I'll be sure to share when I get there!

Remmy Ar'emen ~ @another_proser

Additional Note: I would LOVE to read about other's reflections. So, if this post inspires you to do some thinking, and writing of your own, please feel free to tag me! I will read and comment as I can.