The classroom is silent. Silent for a moment. That light is flickering. Maybe it's a wiring problem. That pen is clicking, they are probably just bored. What's that knocking? Never mind maybe I just heard something else. Is that light really a camera? Is it taking pictures of me? No, no, I'm overreacting. That clicking, is that morse code? Are they sending a message to someone. What if that message is about me? Are they planning something? Oh God, they are going to kill me or something aren't they. No stop it. No they aren't. There it is. That knocking. It's the person they hired to do it isn't it? No, no, I'm being irrational. Just focus. What is the square root of 64? That's 8. Square root of 144? 12, easy. And what is the square root of 81, easy that's- what's that tapping. Are they tapping my chair? Is that a warning? Do they see that morse code too? I have to get out of here, I'm going to die. Am I shaking? I didn't even notice. See that's a sign something is actually wrong. I'm not just paranoid. Get me out of here.

I'm not crazy I swear

But it's like all these feelings that I bear

Are weighing me down like a bear

Maybe it's too much that I care

I'm not crazy

But are those daisies?

Maybe I've been too lazy

But the worlds gone wavy

It's like we're on a loop

the same thing over and over

Their faces are starting to droop

Oh look a 7 leaf clover

I'm not sure what's real

What's the deal?

Every thing I feel

Is truly unreal

Everyone is the same

Probably all with the same name

The same face on every frame

Am I insane?

It's like I'm watching my life go by

Am I about to die?

I can see it in your eye

That you're about to cry

I'm not sure why

Did I do something bad to make you sigh?

I'm not sure who you are though

You look just like everyone I know

I am an observer

I talk

But I mainly watch

I observe

I do have friends

But sometimes I just stop talking

I start listening instead

Listening doesn't take as much energy

I notice the things you don't

I notice when someone wants to get out of a conversation

I notice when someone is holding back tears

I know when someone is disappointed

Whether I hear it

Or simply see it on your face

I can promise you this

I

Notice

It

You'll never see it coming

It's sneaky

The feelings build and build

Until your a bomb ready to blow

A few many things on my todo list

A few upcoming tests

A few too many voices telling me my friends hate me

And all I can do is stare at the wall

It's melting

It towers so big and high

And now it's falling down

Falling down on me

I can't breathe

What do I do?

Where do I start?

Why am I crying?

The world is spinning

It won't stop

And it keeps going on

It's going on without me

I can't keep up

Seven assignments

Too many topics to study

Too many unknown thoughts

I can't even move

I can't even find a beginning

A place to escape

This madness in my head

Like a swarm of bees that won't stop buzzing

Like a traffic jam that won't stop honking

Like a moment when everyone keeps trying to get your attention

Like a moment when you're lost in a big crowd

There's a voice

What's it saying?

I can barely hear it

At the back of my mind

'They don't like you'

'Oh you are annoying'

'It's never going to end'

'You don't fit in with them'

It's taking control of my head

All I hear is that voice

It's put me in the passenger seat

Only being able to be dragged along

It makes my decisions

Or leaves them to be thought over for days until I breakdown

It doesn't do any work

Only leaving trouble wherever it goes

But I'm not sure what todo

The voice is me now

It's all true right?

Everything it says

They hate me

I'm annoying

This will never end

I don't fit in

It's like I'm falling through a nightmare

It never ends

It goes on and on

Meanwhile all I'm really doing

is staring at the wall.

Writing has been used an expression since the beginning of time

A way to let out emotion

Or to show perspective

To make people really think

Books, poems, stories

They all are like old friends

Ready to tell you the most amazing tale

Or make you contemplate yourself

They are there to make one feel understood

To provide comfort in the darkest of times

Like a big hug

Welcoming you home

How I love words

It might be that one boy in your class

His eyes always glazed over like glass

He never asks

and maybe perhaps

Take that chance

And ask if he's okay

It might be that one girl at practice

Who may seem to have a bad status

Who is always distracted from us

Please don't be tactless

Nor fractious

and just check on her too

Put yourself in their shoes

Don't you see it true?

What they might be going through?

A presentation in front of my science class

I can feel my chest tighten

Every word I say is too quick to understand

and too quiet to be heard

I'm almost shaking until its done

and almost run back to my seat

My presentation was good

I just couldn't stand presenting it in front of people

I'm touring and school with a group of people

I can't bring myself to say anything

Theres something stopping me

That I can't get past

What will they think of me?

Are they judging me?

What if I say something wrong?

They probably hate me already

A fun trip with family friends

But when we first arrive

It's like I can't even speak

I just can't

I know what I want to say

I have it ready

I'm reciting it over and over in my head

but when I go to say it

I immediately let someone else speak first

When I go to speak again

My chest tightens

My mouth won't open

I can't even think of the words I was going to say

Even around my friends

I think of what I say

Over and over and over again

Before it's ever spoken

When we walk into a crowd

My head immediately reaches for my necklace

Or my bracelet

Just something to occupy me

Because what if just walking like a normal person

Somehow looks weird when I do it?

So I can't take that chance

I don't want to be judged

I hate being watched

Yet I observe the people around me

I watch and speak less

Because I am a listener, not a speaker

I live a normal life

Day to day I go

Just going with the flow

Because I'm not trying to be the glow

But still you catches up to me

Please just let me be

These feelings are not freeing at all

Quite the opposite indeed

Around every corner I turn

There you're lurking

It's almost like you burns

This is a very big concern

You are like this giant shadow

Clearly having an ego

And I'm not planning to say hello

Thankfully you seem to move slow

I'm not sure how to get rid of you

Your dark hue

Gives me the blues

Is any of this even true?

Please leave me alone

And stay to your own

I wish you were unknown

Just please leave me alone

You and Me

It has always been you and me

Always and forever

Beginning to end

It was you and me in kindergarten

and in middle school

Just you and me in high school too

Together you and me made it through

We've had each others backs

No matter the attack

Just you and me

Forever to be

But eventually you and me weren't enough

Because you could no longer be tough

And then you jumped that night

And now it's just me

and only me

(This is inspired by an animation I saw)

First our dog, Max, went missing

He was the there in the evening,

but the next morning he was not

We aren't completely sure where he went

There's been talk in the town of a creature

One who stalks the woods at night

No one has completely seen it

But they say it becomes parts of what it takes

My sister went missing

She was here yesterday evening

this morning she was not

She had said she wanted to look for Max

Of course I miss her

but I don't want to see her again

Because I'm worried that it won't really be her

That it will be it instead

I'm worried it will have her arms instead of deer legs,

her hands instead of hooves

I'm worried it will have her green eyes,

instead of normal dark deer eyes

I'm don't want to see her again

I'm scared that I will

I'm scared that it will be

The deer instead