On the way home from the memorial service; I had plucked some Petunias for her grave prior this morning, she loved the white ones for certain reason. The whole thing took place quickly and it makes me wonder if this is a fragment of my imagination because I was most definitely not prepared to let her go. I’m getting flashes of visions as if she’s running towards me in the garden, being chased by someone. Perhaps she didn’t want to leave as well. She decorated the walls of my life with Glorisa Lilies but now it’s just placements of empty bricks.

I think I need a drink.

Sipping on my beer and reminiscing back to the moments where Suzanna would put on her favorite Marigold colored dress and twirl around our garden in adoration of the flowers we both lovingly planted. We were the wildflowers, bold and never conform to rules and our queer marriage lasted several seasons until she passed on from cancer. Oh bless her soul! How she loved summer, the season where the earth dances closer to the sun. Our garden was the only memoir of our love. I should have taken a moment to smell the flowers and cherish Suz but our flower shop business was going rapidly and time wasn’t our greatest friend.

Her cancer was detected at stage 3 and she spent months in the hospital doing chemotherapy. She loss lots of weight and during the last stages of her life, I forgot seeing her smile. To cheer her up, I bring flowers to her every day. Sometimes, I make lame jokes like I bring sunflowers and say you’re the sun to my flower or I say tacky pick up lines to make her giggle. However, bringing food isn’t a good option because she just throws them all up.

Time for me to head home.

Given that she’s gone, I decided to move back to the city, leaving tomorrow. I received a good offer from a family friend on the property, flower shop, cottage and the garden. I’ll miss the scent of Lavender that she collected around the house in form of candles, soaps and potpourri but especially how it smelled on her skin. I’ll miss the Coreopsis that we first planted or the Hibiscus she gracefully pinned up at the side of her hair. Mostly, I’ll miss our roses as she was as beautiful as a bouquet of them.

Before I go away, for one last time, I shall water my colorful babies, my friends, my happiness.

If flowers had emotions, here is where they would cry:

But guess what! I hate you! You remind me of Suz!

I want to obliterate every thought of her!

I thumped and jumped on the flowers, pulled all the roots from the soil and cut them into pieces!

I want death for all of you.

You don’t deserve to shine anymore because I no longer can.

I feel like an unleashing monster! God! Help me!

I think need my anti depressants!

Here’s to new beginnings!

My first step out of the plane in New York City.

My very first flight experience. And, Oh! My ultimate getaway.

For once, everything seems possible.

Emma. My beautiful Emma. My best friend of 9 years was standing there with a big sign saying, “ Welcome Lucy! “. We embraced and we obviously squealed and giggled like teenagers.

I’m renting a room at Emma’s apartment, which she shared with her boyfriend William. William was the perfect boyfriend material and he treats Emma like a princess.

So, this is it huh? Liberty. A chance to start over. I don’t think I’ll ever miss home. Besides the fact that I got a job at Emma’s antique store, I’m also an artist, but you know how that goes, the income isn’t sufficient to put food on the table, so a part time artist you could say.

I loved the store, every item has a story to it, timeless beauty. I didn’t have much to do though, time moved very slowly, until, I laid my eyes on him.

The mere sight of him has me weak in my knees. He wasn’t a boy next door, he was a man, not really what girls my age would look for.

If you knew Lucy, she would have been too insecure to start a conversation or even make eye contact.

Well, that’s exactly what happened.

Lucy, let’s go grab a couple of drinks!

I know this amazing bar down the street and it’s a good chance for you to look around the city!

I love New York!

There’s so much life to the city!

It’s like a massive ball of electricity!

The lights, skyscrapers, the loud sounds of people talking in a crowd…

Even the food and drinks here tastes better!

Or maybe, im just tipsy?

The month went by quickly.

I have been painting a lot but haven’t really found buyers.

I saw him again. He walked into the store.

My heart stopped beating briefly.

He smelled like expensive cologne and cigar.

I love how his blue eyes match his light blue high waist jeans.

We made eye contact!

Excuse me, sweetheart, I’m looking for a grandfather clock, it’s for my old man, he has a big collection going on so this would be a splendid gift, he paused and chuckled.

Arthur and I talked about many things, besides the good old clock; here I am with his digits on my phone and a Sunday morning date.

How would someone even dress up for a Sunday morning date to a bookstore/coffee shop with classy, charming gentlemen twice your age?

I was early, I’m really hoping my black jumpsuit and statement necklace would get him looking.

The sound of the coffee shop bell and that familiar cologne, I knew he was here, I desired him, in every way known to man.

Arthur drank his coffee, dark like mine.

He was youthful, humorous and we loved reading the same books.

Just like me, he believed in the existence of aliens and passionately spoke about astronomy.

I wonder why he never got married?

I called home occasionally. Mostly, to speak to my ma, we spoke about many things, sometimes even about Arthur.

Wonderful months have gone by since Arthur and I got into a steady relationship.

Emma wasn’t in favor of the man in my life and constantly made ‘ sugar daddy ’ jokes because my Arthur was 50 and I was around my second decade.

Tonight’s dinner is a significant one.

I’m meeting his twin sister that was in town for the weekend.

We are going for a nice dinner in a Mexican restaurant.

As expected, I fell in love with Cassie, she was very supportive of our relationship.

Right after desert, Arthur proposed.

Of course, I said YES!

IM GOING TO BE A MRS!

I moved out of Emma and Will’s place into my fiancés 2 storey house.

I quit my job at the antique store and I decided to focus more on my paintings.

I even have my own art room!

We decided to stay engaged for a long while before getting into a wedding.

I was the perfect housewife, I cooked, cleaned and Arthur goes to check on his business daily.

I love Arthur more than I could ever love myself.

I always will.

But he drinks a little too much, everyday.

Wine glasses turned into beers and whisky.

I can’t remember the last time he went to bed sober.

This wasn’t the man I fell in love with.

Arthur stopped looking after himself, he doesn’t shave and goes days without a shower, he barely eats at home, he goes for drinks every night with his friends and sleeps on the couch once he gets home.

He even stopped checking in to work.

The intimacy has gone and we don’t even have sex.

That night, I confronted him;

’ Honey, what’s wrong?

Can you please talk to me?

I want to help you.’

’Get off my face Lucy,

Dammit! I don’t need to be saved’, he said.

As I got closer to him to give him a hug, he pushed me aside and went out.

As days passed, we fought more,

I wanted him home but he wanted me away.

It’s confusing.

Some days, Arthur was amazing. For a few hours. Probably, a couple of hours after his drinks.

Other times, he was furious, paranoid and mean.

His condition kept worsening.

We couldn’t manage the household because Arthur stopped working.

That’s when I called Emma.

I am now back to work at the antique shop.

She warmly welcomed me.

’Where the hell did you go Lucy?

I tried calling you for the past two hours!’

‘ Honey, I just got back from work. Emma and Will asked me to join them for an early dinner so…’

‘So what Lucy? I don’t give a rat shit! You should be back by 6!’

‘No Arthur! You should get a job and lay off the god damned stinky couch!’

‘What did you say??!!’

I woke up on the hard, cold, marble floor.

I supposed I passed out after he swing his arms for a hit.

Oh! And he wasn’t home.

I’m not even surprised.

‘ Lucy darling, what happened to your face?’

‘Oh! I fell this morning, so much for being clumsy eh?’

‘ That definitely doesn’t look like an accident.’

Here is where I hated myself for doing this;

‘ Emma can you please mind your own business, I’m here to work and I know for sure that I’m not fishing for your sympathy ’.

There are days where Arthur doesn’t come home,

I secretly loved those days,

I feel safer without him at home.

‘ Lucy give me a hundred dollars’

‘ What for sweetheart?’

‘I need a hundred dollars!’

‘I can’t, we don’t have enough to….’

Before I completed my sentences, he grabbed me by my hair and pushed me real hard against the wall.

‘Lucy, now don’t make this hard for me, give me the money!’

In fear, I obliged.

I am aware that by now I should leave but I can’t get myself to,

I’m in love with this man, he was there for me when I needed him.

Truthfully, I wouldn’t know how to go on without him.

I need him!

‘Lucy darling, can I have a word with you?’

‘Sure Emma’

‘You are my best friend; you can talk to me about things. You aren’t yourself anymore, I can’t remember the last time I saw a smile on your face’.

I was a victim of domestic violence.

I know it, Emma knew as well.

‘I’m just tired Emma’, I faked a laugh.

Arthur hasn’t been home three days in a row.

Oh! Wait! I think he is home now, a loud slam on the door.

This time, he is infuriated.

He started picking up a fight for nothing. He was obviously too drunk or is it drugs now, I don’t know which one is worse.

He threw everything on the ground, our plasma Tv, his cell phone, flower vases and many other valuables.

He acted very strangely.

The moment he got closer to me, I knew I had to run.

I quickly went to our bedroom and locked the door behind me.

‘Open the door!’

‘Don’t piss me off!’

‘I’m going to break the door’

‘And once I get in, I’m going to make your death an accident’.

I sat against the door I held shut, in tears, feeling helpless.

His punches and kicks on the door terrified me.

If he got in, I would be in trouble.

I needed to save myself from this monster.

I grabbed the table lamp for protection and waited for the disaster that is bound to happen.

He got in after a few thumps…

I hid behind the door and hit his head real hard as he entered,

He fell on the ground and I ran for my life.

However, Arthur grabbed my leg and dragged me next to him on the floor and started strangling my neck.

‘Lucy, Lucy, I told you not to upset me!’

He got on his feet and pulled me by my hair downstairs.

And then, tied me to a chair!

‘You beast! Let me go!’

‘Haha Lucy no, let’s have some fun alright?’

This was Satan.

With a destructive motive.

He took a pair of scissors,

‘Look at your shiny, bouncy, brown hair; this is how you woo all the other men?’

He grabbed my hair real tight and chopped them off as he laughed hysterically.

’What the heck is wrong with you?

You are crazy!

Let me go, you insane freak!’

’No I love this game, let’s keep playing.”

He has tied me up to the chair for almost 48 hours now.

I’m thirsty, starving, exhausted and heartbroken.

He goes out and when he gets home, he physically abuses me as he placed duct tape over my mouth.

Disgusting piece of shit!

Why Emma hasn’t came looking for me?

Maybe because I have distanced myself from her?

Or has he met her and told her something?

I’m sorry Emma.

I should have talked to you.

I feel so stupid.

Being held hostage is driving me crazy.

I need a backup plan to escape.

He came back. ‘You useless woman, about time I get rid of you for good’.

He ripped the tape off my mouth.

‘Arthur honey, look at me, I love you so much, I’m sorry for what I did, please let me go!’

‘No way!’.

’Baby we can make this work, you want money?

I have some.

I’ll get it for you, you can go out for drink with your friends and by the time you are home, ill prepare a nice dinner for both of us?’

He came close to my face.

’Lucy don’t mess me up alright?

Just shut your filthy mouth!’

I kissed him, in the most convincing way.

I told him that I loved him.

I played the game so well, he untied me.

I gave him a hug,

As I quickly grabbed the knife he used to untie me and stabbed his back.

Three god damned times!

I was relieved.

I had a huge grin on my face.

I enjoyed the process of his death.

I liked how his eyeballs turned red from the pain.

I love the dark red blood flowing his skin.

For once, in a long time, he looked beautiful with his nasty mouth shut, struggling to talk.

The momentum of his chest as he was catching his breath.

Arthur is gone.

It’s just a body without a soul.

Maybe now we can live happily ever after.

As I lay on him dripping in blood,

And I said,

I love you Arthur!

Till’ death do us apart.

As beautiful as grandma was her beloved flower garden,

Everything from Chrysanthemums, Heliopsis and Pansies,

In her absence, her fall flowers still sung her joyful tune,

On my hard days her flowers became my muse and tune,

Until we meet in heaven i shall cherish your scented fortune.

Its Christmas shopping time and flipping through the garments in the store overwhelms me with an intense feeling of self loathing as if I was on a roller coaster heading to a dead end. This is mostly since the amount of expectations placed on a woman to look beautiful is massive and I am not even close to being lean. I literally want to kick the door open of the boundaries the society created and make a significant change by extending the possibilities of beauty standards. People are fickle minded, perhaps, this could be made possible, like shooting fish in a barrel. I suppose.

We aspire to look good and sometimes a dash of makeup work wonders to pop up our confidence. However, why the double standards? Men have equal rights as women to use beauty enhancing products. For decades actors of both genders use make up on camera to look good on screen. The fact that a man’s sexuality is questioned because he does a little grooming though, is ridiculous and it’s feeding the ideation of homophobes that we would not want our younger generation to imbibe. Being at the peak of civilization, the society should not over analyze petty issues and tackle bigger matters such as boycotting animal tested make up kits.

Metaphorically, I wish to toss a coin at a pyramid shaped lego arrangement which symbolizes the black and white thinking of the society and perhaps recreate a new perspective to beauty standards as in this case body image. Instead of promoting underweight models like those in runways and sexualizing obesity with plus size models, it would be remarkable if models were recruited based on BMI because being healthy is basically synchronized to being beautiful. Marilyn Monroe is the ultimate example of beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. Plus, drastic weight issues can cause multiple health problems so hitting the gym and popping in some nutrition can never go wrong. Did you know that you can’t ideally be a certain size because your dress size is different for different brands? Personally in this superficial world, I’m a strong believer that beauty comes from within so let’s stop the discriminating and love regardless of physical appearances.

Now, I solemnly admit, millennia’s push limits until they reach the edge. The pressure to look attractive is tremendous that they may have reached the extent of overdoing things but you know what they say, money can buy you anything. Most celebrities specifically resort to plastic surgeons to enhance their body parts even if it’s in the minor scale such as liposuction, lip plumping or a nose job. This the total contrasts to the notion of cherishing natural beauty and it’s becoming a stereotype. Another present obsession is amongst Asians to have lighter skin that they go for laser treatments or use bleach. The irony though, Westerners on the other hand fancy looking tan. I presume the grass is always greener on the other side. To top it all, the most hazardous way people use to look better is by taking diet supplements because it messes your biological system and can be fatal. Why can’t we just embrace the glory of natural beauty and be at ease in our own skin?

Lastly, individuality is another form of exquisite beauty. The agony of watching kids being refrained of their creativity by making them wear school uniforms is completely absurd. Children should have the liberty to express themselves; you know, have weird pink hair, chunky sneakers with lights and wheels on it or follow silly trends. Even adults as the matter of fact, on job interviews, employers encourage them to look a certain way without body modifications such as tattoos and piercings but on their quest to look for a plain jane, they might have missed out on people with actual capabilities. Let’s teach the younger generation that it’s not a shame to be different! We can reach milestones if we stop caging our society with multiple limitations. The first step would be to expand horizons when it comes to beauty standards and that’s the change I would like to make. For now, I shall rest my case!

As I steady my jittery aged body on my little floater and wait for the government to send any sort of aid, I can’t help but notice what a misfortune it is for us to experience mother nature at its very worst. New York city wasn’t always like this, the weather was regulated, you could see beautiful greeneries and there was actually a sense of balance in nature. I somehow feel like the universe has had enough of the ignorance of mankind in protecting their resources and its now seeking vengeance. On top of that, the society hasn’t always been kind to the environment by pollution, deforestation and too much exploitation in general. We may have almost reached the peak of civilization with ultimate ideation and creation but, perhaps, we had looked past basic necessities on survival such as preserving the earth.

The early signs of the malfunctioning of nature started when the climate changed drastically and many places that were supposed to experience winter, didn’t receive the occurrence of snow and places that shouldn’t snow, snowed, the ozone layer was getting thinner due to industrialization and even animals started migrating in a large scale to change habitats that’s safe and comfortable. Decades later, earthquakes and volcano eruptions happened frequently, tsunamis started wiping out tiny islands and hurricanes destroyed everything.

I know, there’s no possible justice to this scenario.

Oh! Rescue is here!

”Sir, stay calm,

We are going to get you up on the ship,

Watch your feet and reach out to my hand”

About 8 months before, precisely, an enormous storm hit the entire Northern America. The blizzard lasted for several months and the cities were drowned in ice after months of snowing. There was pure darkness as the power has been cut and the heater didn’t work to keep everyone warm. Numerous lives were taken, injured and people were considered incredibly lucky to even be alive at this point. The government gave a forewarning to evacuate certain areas but some people just couldn’t gather the courage to leave home and all of their precious belongings. For an elderly lonesome chap like me, I had nothing much to live for, so I solemnly stayed back but I actually survived along with few other survivors that stayed close together. Frankly, I had a strategy, when the siren hit, my first move was to gather as much food, medications and supplies as possible and stock them. It was made easy, as the stores were vacant because everyone left town so we just barged in. I chuckled as I thought now where is the milestone between wealth and poverty; money no longer buys you everything. Anyhow, in that duration of the snowstorm, we basically moved to the uppermost part of buildings, kept warm to avoid hypothermia and waited for help to arrive.

This is the first time that we saw daylight in months, such powerful effects of global warming, the ice has melted but the water level has raised a great deal that it’s impossible to comprehend. About 800ft of the 1250ft high Empire State Building is overflowing with water. It feels like we are in a dark fantasy land and reality is non-applicable.

“Everybody get down to the lower deck of the ship and take cover!

Hold on to anything that you can get and try not to fall off the ship”

Ever since the recent environmental tragedy, many almost extraterrestrial like aqua being from the centre of the oceans has found its unpleasant way to areas of civilization. They are larger than the size of the animals we are used to and they vary in species. It’s like when you open your childhood ancient legends book that tells you creepy stories about the creatures under the ocean. These creatures arrival definitely isn’t in our favor as we are all drowning and dying and creating a comfortable habitat for them to reside in.

So, since there isn’t much of any flora and fauna left, guess what’s going to be their meal?

I take a peek on what’s underneath the ship, out of the blue, I can see water rushing vigorously, so intense that it almost pushed me out of the ship.

Are we having another storm?

People who are frail and unable to hold on are getting brushed off into the water. Those were the highest waves I have ever seen and its destroying the surface of the ship in every hit, I don’t think we can go much further. There are holes on the surface of the ship and we might sink anytime soon. The chance of survival is as if a man was put into the same cage as a starving lion. You may as well start saying a prayer.

In our greatest nightmare, you wouldn’t believe what happened next, the ultimate discovery that this isn’t a storm, it was a big sea creature below the ship, its movement itself was forceful judging by the size and formed huge waves sort of effects that destroyed the ship. This monstrous being had octopus like tentacles that gripped every sides of the ship, almost ready to flip it over. Its strength is slowly ripping the ship apart. And then we heard a loud sound of gasping, the octopus rose up and stared directly into the ship. Its tentacles one by one starts picking out every human it sees as if they were snacks.

The poor guy next to me refused to back down, so he reaches out to a stick from the broken pieces of the ship and pierced it through one of the octopus’s tentacles. It was probably the worst things to do at this very moment. In pain, the creature released a dark ink substance and grabbed a hold of him and savored him. The splash though, got into my eyes and blurred my vision.

I knew it’s my turn now.

“Father, forgive me for my sins.”