What's Good:

1) Spoopy Memes

2) An Excuse to Party

3) Only Time It's Socially Acceptable to Dress Up in Fur Suits and Unleash my Fursona

(ignore that one)

4) Only Time It's Socially Acceptable to Dress Really Slutty or Disgustingly Lewd

What's Not Good:

1) Spoopy Memes made by 10-14 Year Olds that make them Feel like they're the best thing since sliced bread and they don't even realize that they're ruining the fun for people that actually understand the memes, and really just makes them look like cringy kids

2) People Using Halloween as an Excuse to Party, but End up just Throwing a

Non-Themed Party

3) Furries

4) Clowns

5) The horrible feeling that someone is in a fking clown costume and is chasing me right now. Please Help.

Ingredients:

1) Two Medium Sized Eggs

2) Approximately 1/4 or 1/2 Cups of Chicken Broth (natural if possible)

3) A Pinch of Fine Salt and WHITE Pepper (asian cuisine always uses white pepper)

4) A Pinch of Slightly Bigger-Grained Salt (to season the bottom)

5) Approximately an Eighth of a Spout of Scallions - Washed and Chopped to about a

Millimeter in Width

Preparation:

1) Fill a Pot with About Half an Inch of Water

2) Find a Bowl that is Large Enough to Fit in this Pot and also Big Enough to Fit all Ingredients

Directions:

1) Crack Both Eggs in Bowl - Beat Furiously for 20-30 Seconds

2) Pour Chicken Broth into Bowl with Eggs - Mix

3) Add Chopped Scallions to Bowl - Mix

4) Add Salt and Pepper - Mix

5) Place Bowl in Pot, Place Pot on Stove

6) Cook on High with Pot Lid on for 10-12 Minutes

7) Let Sit for 1-2 Minutes

8) Enjoy

The doctor pulled the stethoscope ear tips out and hung the device around his neck."Mr. Weatherby, all of your tests have come back negative and my examination shows nothing abnormal."Adam knew what was coming next. "I'm not crazy, Doctor.""I'm sorry, but there is no physical reason for why you occasionally lose control of your hands. A psychologist can help...""I don't need therapy. I need answers. They seem to have a life all their own. I can't hold a job. I'm under investigation for assault. I almost killed my neighbor. This can't go on. I'll try anything at this point."After two weeks on a new medication, Adam saw no progress and grew increasingly depressed.He was convinced that despite what the doctors said, it was not a psychological problem. That night, a frustrated and angry Adam sat in a chair and drank bourbon. Drunk and hopeless, he stumbled to the garage and started the table saw, then slowly lowered his wrists toward the screaming blade.Detective Armstrong entered the garage where several uniformed officers stood over the blood-soaked body."So what do we got?" he asked, taking in the blood-splattered scene."This is a weird one, Detective.""How so?""Take a look at the body. He apparently chopped off his hands with the table saw and bled to death."Armstrong knelt down. "And?""And we can't find his hands anywhere."

Everyone loves the first day of school, right? New year, new classes, new friends. It's a day full of potential and hope, before all the dreary depressions of reality show up to ruin all the fun.I like the first day of school for a different reason, though. You see, I have a sort of power. When I look at people, I can...sense a sort of aura around them. A colored outline based on how long that person has to live. Most everyone I meet around my age is surrounded by a solid green hue, which means they have plenty of time left.A fair amount of them have a yellow-orangish tinge to their auras, which tends to mean a car crash or some other tragedy. Anything that takes people "before their time" as they say.The real fun is when the auras venture into the red end of the spectrum, though. Every now and again I'll see someone who's basically a walking stoplight. Those are the ones who get murdered or kill themselves. It's such a rush to see them and know their time is numbered.With that in mind, I always get to class very early so I can scout out my classmates' fates. The first kid who walked in was basically radiating red. I chuckled to myself. Too damn bad, bro. But as people kept walking in, they all had the same intense glow. I finally caught a glimpse of my rose-tinted reflection in the window, but I was too stunned to move. Our professor stepped in and locked the door, his aura a sickening shade of green.

He awoke to the huge, insect like creatures looming over his bed and screamed his lungs out. They hastily left the room and he stayed up all night, shaking and wondering if it had been a dream.The next morning, there was a tap on the door. Gathering his courage, he opened it to see one of them gently place a plate filled with fried breakfast on the floor, then retreat to a safe distance. Bewildered, he accepted the gift. The creatures chittered excitedly.This happened every day for weeks. At first he was worried they were fattening him up, but after a particularly greasy breakfast left him clutching his chest from heartburn, they were replaced with fresh fruit. As well as cooking, they poured hot steamy baths for him and even tucked him in when he went to bed. It was bizarre.One night, he awoke to gunshots and screaming. He raced downstairs to find a decapitated burglar being devoured by the insects. He was sickened, but disposed of the remains as best he could. He knew they had just been protecting him.One morning the creatures wouldn't let him leave his room. He lay down, confused but trusting as they ushered him back into bed. Whatever their motives, they weren't going to hurt him.Hours later a burning pain spread throughout his body. It felt like his stomach was filled with razor wire. The insects chittered as he spasmed and moaned. It was only when he felt a terrible squirming feeling beneath his skin that he realised the insects hadn't been protecting him. They had been protecting their young.

Have you ever spent your school lunch period watching random YouTube videos on the school library computer because all the friends that you would usually sit with are sick or absent, and Kyle said you couldn't sit with him, so you end up watching a 48 minute video about farming and yachts that was so wierdly intresting that after a moth or so decide to write about? I did.

This is the historically accurate and totally 100% true tale of how the americans got the American Cup. The video mentions is really long, so I'm just gonna give you the good parts, with added comedy and satire. Let me set the stage: The year was1851, and the British hated the Americans. This thing called the "Great Exhibition was starting, which was when countries from all around the globe would meet in London and show off their new and futuristic tech. Once such "Futuristic" tech included horses. Exciting times! But the Victorian newspapers were not exciteto td about the new visiting Americans - here's a quote: "Whenever they enter into a competition with European elegance, they make themselves ridiculous." Which is so mean!

In the exibition hall, each country was showing off their new plows, and for three weeks, attendees were laughing at the American's small plows. But, when it came time to test the plows, the Americans had the best and most functional plows. At that point, Victorian newspapers were starting to take back thier insult. And honestly, the other contries were getting intimidated by the American's pride and power.

Everyone, but the English. Theu claimed that they were still better at sports, such as yacht racing. But then, fueled by anger, a group of Americans banded together to create and build an incredibly sick, strong and fast yacht in order to beat the English, and the boat was so fast, that people were starting to ask what the boat's name was, and why it's so fast. The main creator stood up and said: "America. The yacht's name, is America."

Three days later, the Americans took the America to race a bunch of British yachts around the Isle of Wight. Parties were held all across the Isle,as people were super intrested to see how the American's America would hold up. The America starts the race with... a fouled anchor. By the time they get going, they're well behind everyone else, and the spectators all Booed. But, by the time that the rest of the yachts get past the first big party, the America was in the middle of the group! The people who previously booed started cheering.

In the end, a single boat pulled ahead. The boat even stopped before crossing the finish line so the crew could take their hats off to the crowd. This boat, was the America.

~thanks for reading! EC

Zugvi dzprmt fk drgs z qlog, gsv trio ozrw rm yvw z uvd hvxlmwh olmtvi. Ivzxsrmt levi gl hdrgxs lm svi yvwhrwv oznk, hsv girvw gl ivnvnyvi vczxgob dszg szw hglovm svi hdvvg hofnyvi zdzb. Dsvm hsv xlfowm’g, gsv yifmvggv hdfmt svi ovth levi gsv hrwv lu gsv yvw zmw svzevw svihvou fk. Xsvxprmt gsv grnv lm svi kslmv, hsv hmligvw dsvm hsv hzd rg dzh nrwmrtsg- gsv drgxsrmt slfi. Pmldrmt gszg hovvk dlfow lmob vezwv svi, hsv ovug svi yvwilln uli gsv prgxsvm, z tllw xfk lu xluuvv lm svi nrmw.

Zh hsv kzhhvw yb svi uilmg wlli, z xsroo hkivzw orpv orjfrw uriv wldm svi hkrmv. Rg’h lmob drmgvi, hsv glow svihvou, ulxfhrmt ztzrm lm gsv xluuvv kozm. Nvzhfirmt lfg hxllkh, dzgvi, zmw kivkzirmt svi xfk pvkg svi lxxfkrvw, yfg zh gsv wzip orjfrw ylrovw, hsv szw mlgsrmt ovug gl pvvk svi nrmw uiln dzmwvirmt luu. Gsv xsroo ivgfimvw zmw hsv xlfowm’g svok yfg tozmxv yvsrmw svi gl gsv uilmg wlli. Rg hgllw gsviv rmmlxvmgob vmlfts, qfhg orpv zodzbh. Gsv wvzw ylog dzh hgroo rm kozxv zmw hsv xlfow hvv mlgsrmt znrhh drgs rg. Gfimrmt yzxp gl svi xluuvv, hsv wrw svi yvhg gl ulitvg zylfg gsv uvvormt.

Drgs svi xfk rm szmw, hsv hgzigvw yzxp gldziwh svi yvwilln. Zh hsv dzopvw yb gsv uilmg wlli, hsv wvxrwvw gszg z jfrxp tozmxv lfg lu gsv kvvk slov dlfow svok xzon svi ivhgovhh nrmw. Gsv xsroo dlihvmvw drgs vzxs hgvk hsv gllp gldziwh gsv wlli zmw ufigsvi zdzb uiln gsv hzuvgb zmw dzings lu svi yozmpvgh. Hsv kivhhvw svi vnkgb szmw ztzrmhg gsv xlow, nvgzo wlli zmw gllp z wvvk yivzgs yvuliv ovzwrmt svi vbv gl gsv kvvk slov.

Zg urihg, hsv xlfow lmob hvv zm rmpb yozxpmvhh zmw hlnvsld hvvnvw gl hdrio rm rghvou. Dsvm hsv yormpvw rm hfikirhv, gsv elrw nvogvw zdzb. Hsv drhsvw rg szwm’g. Rm rg’h kozxv, gsviv hgllw dszg hsv xlfow lmob tfvhh dzh lmxv z nzm. Gsv ornyh dviv olmt zmw rmsfnzmob zdpdziw, drgs yfopb qlrmgh yizmxsrmt luu rmgl hvevizo zinh, mlg fmorpv gsv yizmxsvh lu z givv. Gsv xivzgfiv dzh wizkkvw rm z yozxp hfrg, hlnvsld nzmprmt gsv gsrmt nliv mrtsgnzirhs gl svi. Gsv rxrmt lm gsv kileviyrzo xzpv, sldvevi, dzh dszg kzhhvw zh gsv svoorhs gsrmt’h uzxv. Rg dzh zh gslfts svi nrmw yofiivw gsv tszhgob erhztv gl hkziv rghvou ufigsvi hslxp zmw sliili.

Hsv hslevw svihvou zdzb uiln gsv wlli drgs gsv szmw hgroo kivhhvw ztzrmhg rg. Gsv hxzowrmt nft lu xluuvv uvoo, gsv orjfrw yfimrmt svi yziv ovth zh hsv uvoo yzxpdziwh zmw girvw gl xizdo zdzb uiln gsv wlli. Hsv pmvd, hlnvsld, gszg svi nrmw szwm’g yvvm kozbrmt girxph lm svi. Zh hsv xizy dzopvw zdzb uiln gsv wlli, hsv dzgxsvw zh gvmwivoh zh yozxp zh gsv elrw hsv urihg hzd hmzpv zilfmw gsilfts gsv xizxph. Gsv trio dzh gizkkvw yvgdvvm gsv rmhgrmxg gl uovv zmw gsv tfg uvvormt gl mlg gfim svi yzxp lm gsv wlli. Dsvm gsv wlli qlogvw, gsv fitv gl uovv levixznv svi zmw hsv horkkvw rm gsv yfimrmt orjfrw zh hsv girvw gl nzpv rg yzxp gl svi illn.

Hsv pmvd wvvk wldm gszg hsv dzh gizkkrmt svihvou rm z xlimvi, yfg hsv szw gl tvg zdzb uiln gsv wlli. Gsv trio dzh szoudzb wldm gsv szoodzb dsvm hsv svziw gsv kiverlfhob olxpvw wlli xivzp lkvm. Hsv hxivznvw zmw horkkvw rmgl z dzoo, xizxprmt svi xsrm lm rg zmw hgfmmrmt svi.“Mrxlov?” z dzin, nzov elrxv hmzkkvw gsv dlnzm lfg lu svi gizmxv. Zh hsv gfimvw zilfmw, hsv dzh nvg yb lmv lu svi hrhgvi’h wlxgli’h. Hsv mlwwvw, mlg hfiv ru hsv hslfow hzb zmbgsrmt, li vevm ru hsv xlfow urmw svi elrxv ru hsv wrw szev hlnvgsrmt gl hzb. Gszg nlimrmt, hsv szw tlggvm zm fitvmg kslmv xzoo uiln gsv slhkrgzo, hzbrmt gszg svi hrhgvi, Ormwhzb, dzh gsviv. Yvuliv gsvb szw vevm ovg svi hvv svi, gsv wlxgli’h szw kfoovw svi luu gl gsv hrwv zmw rmhrhgvw gszg gsvb gzop gl svi zylfg dszg nrtsg szev szkkvmvw. Ksizhvh orpv ‘hvou-rmuovxgvw’ zmw ‘zhhzfog’ szw yvvm gsildm zilfmw zmw Mrxlov uvog svi nrmw ivvo.

Hsv hgroo szwm’g ufoob fmwvihgllw dszg gsvb szw yvvm hzbrmt fmgro hsv hzd Ormwhzb drgs svi ldm vbvh. Svi orggov hrhgvi szw z yzmwztv dizkkvw zilfmw svi svzw, xlevirmt ylgs lu svi vzih zh dvoo zh svi vbvh. Gsvb hzrw rg dzh gl pvvk svi mld wvzwvmvw vbvh uiln wibrmt lfg zmw gl gib gl pvvk rmuvxgrlm lfg lu gsv dlfmwh Ormwhzb szw nzwv gl svi vzih. Gsv wlxglih szw tfvhhvw gszg vrgsvi hsv li hlnvlmv vohv szw qznnvw z kvmxro rmgl gsvn gl pvvk svi luu yzozmxv li gl wvzuvm svihvou ztzrmhg hlnvgsrmt. Gsviv dzh gsv nrc lu urihg zmw hvxlmw wvtivv yfimh lm svi szmwh, ovth, zmw uvvg, uiln dszg dzh zhhfnvw gl yv gsv xluuvv svi mvrtsylih ulfmw horkkvw zoo levi gsv vmgib gl svi zkzignvmg.Zh Mrxlov dzopvw rmgl svi hrhgvi’h slhkrgzo illn gsv urihg grnv, hsv gslftsg hsv szw hkrvw gsv hroslfvggv lu z nzm rm gsv drmwld. Gszg, hsv pmvd, dzh rnklhhryov. Svi hrhgvi’h illn dzh lm gsv gsriw hglib lu gsv slhkrgzo.

Thank You.

It’s 12:07. I’ve been watching a guy call himself “PewDiePie” for about fifteen hours now. Too Long. Way too long. I feel my stomach grumble. It’s been twenty three hours since my last meal. I’m starved. Like, really starved. Another grumble. I Have to get food. I think to myself. But what if they come? They scare me. They only come out at night. Why at night? How cliché is that? I can’t think about what they would do to me if they found me. They will always try to stop me. I can’t live without food… My mind reasons with me. They might not come out today… My mind wants me dead. I need food. Now. I force myself up. My legs feel like lead. One step. Two steps. Three steps. Four steps. They are not here! I shout in my head. They had never let me get past the third step. Today was a big day. But that’s when I noticed the subtle breathing behind me. Quiet, yes, but there. I slowly turn, anticipating the pain that would surely come, but I only see a little girl. She looks up and says something in a cute girly voice. “Mommy wont like you staying up so late…” and with that, she flys across the room, and latches onto my legs, scraping my skin blindly. Pain flairs throughout my body. I feel her fingernails digging into my legs. With all my strength, I pull her off my body, and push her to the ground. She falls, and freezes on the ground. I limp towards the living room, in desperate search for food now. I hear the barking of a dog.

I don’t have a dog. They must have let their dog out today. I look to my right, and see a blinding flash of light, as I feel pain on my right cheek. Immediately, the dog disappears, leaving me practically drowning in my own blood. I have no more hope. I need food. I will die in the next minute without it. I’m on the ground, literally dragging my two damaged legs. I’m ten feet away from the refrigerator. So close, yet so far. Eight feet. Seven. Five. Three. Two. One. I’m at the fridge, clasping the promising handle in victory. I have won again. I have beat them. And with a silent countdown in my head, i open the fridge, only to find the worst thing I could possibly think. It. Was. Empty. Shoot.

The booming steps of man shake me. I realize that they are now aware of the fourth creature in the room. I'm on window next to the TV, and a child points at me. I've been spotted. I spread my clear wings, and fly away - only to land on the TV after four seconds in flight. my body reflects the images portrayed on the screen, concealing me from the people. I'm hidden, once again.

Now five minutes later, I'm awoken by a screech. A child, wielding what seems to be a bendy spatula hurtles herself at me, and her spatula pulls my left wing off. Shooting through the sky, I crash straight into a potrait of a fat lady, and crumble to the ground. I look up to pray to fly jesus, so he can show me the way out. But right at that moment, the giant green frog in the corner of the room zips it's tounge out, and tags me.

And That's How I Met Your Mother