I honor Sylvia Plath (“Figs”)
Sylvia Plath has that famous line - the one about figs, and how there are so many to choose from, it's impossible to know which one to choose. She wants it all.
I don't.
As I write this, I sit uninspired, by everything. I'm bored - all the time. I drink my coffee in the morning to wake up - for what? To do the 9 to 5? I'm tired.
Sylvia Plath has another famous line - "I want so desperately for the good things to happen." It's grim, with a suicidal flavor. And it opens a large can of worms.
Like - what happened to her figs?
Too much of a good thing can be a bad thing. We have so many choices thrown at us, every day. It's overwhelming. There's no way to enjoy all the figs.
And if you don't choose a fig, it drops to the ground and rots. It's too late.
As I sit here, enjoying my cup of coffee, I have to wonder why I'm uninspired. My phone literally has an internet search engine on it that could come up with any idea my heart desires to pursue. But I remain stagnant - overwhelmed by possibility, I have shut down completely.
I wonder if Sylvia Plath hadn't picked "poet" as her fig, if she hadn't picked "marrying Ted Hughes" as her other fig, if she'd still be with us. It's an impossible question to answer.
It's impossible to know when too much of a good thing becomes a bad thing. But it remains entirely possible for there to be too much good, too many options, too many figs.
The Way I See It (redux)
I have been accused of ruining lives.
Maybe that is true.
I will only accept credit if and only if I have tangible evidence of a said life ruined.
Otherwise, I only take credit for accelerating the process toward the inevitable.
For, I am neither a frondeur nor malcontent.
Contrary to popular belief, I hold no grudges.
I rule by fiat, unfettered by conscience.
As regular as clockwork, I make my rounds unencumbered by the discourse of the uneducated.
I may be a pariah in my time and for all time, but I hold my principles dear, and thus,
I am consistent to a fault.
When I kill, it is not for sport, but possibly for entertainment.
When I feed, it is not for pleasure, but always for the added benefit of taste.
When I watch the wretched souls I cast aside,
I find ultimate satisfaction in treading upon these growing heaps of pedestrian pavement.
In this singularity of my nature, I find truth and purpose in being.
I am what I am.
So know me as such.
I will not trifle with recognizable monikers.
A rose by any other name would smell as sweet
A line in which I have never received proper recognition.
A putrid mass as foul and all is relative.
In conclusion, disregard your clinical analysis of my story.
Your emotional response reaps more than your foray into logic and reasoning ever did or would.
I may not have created the Universe, but the Universe had to create me.
A restart of the former garners no advantage over the restart of the latter.
I grow stronger with each colloquial "do-over".
Sleep soundly knowing this.
Present your inquiries tonight.
We will discuss your future tomorrow, in every detail possible.
The Strategy
The moment I took in the room and saw the soft glow of the lights, I knew today’s match with my renowned opponent was going to be tough. My eyes were tired, my body ached, and if I’m honest, I’d thought about giving up for a while. But I wanted to believe that today could be different, that I’d wake up eager to do what I loved most — strategize.
Sitting there, behind the board, behind the battles, behind the wins and losses — these matches kept me thinking, sometimes overthinking, and worrying more than I should. Yet, every day, I found myself here, facing this challenge. I’d played against this opponent many times, sometimes winning strategically and having some of my best moments filled with purpose. Other times, I’d lost, my dignity replaced by embarrassment and shame. This opponent was a beautiful yet destructive player, the reason why I felt like giving up today.
Quitting seemed like the only solution because the better I became at strategizing, the more challenging this opponent became. So, as I lay in bed, fully aware of the possible outcomes, knowing that today could be the day my opponent defeats me for good, I faced a choice. I could go to that square board today, even though I knew I had only 10% of my best left in me. With my opponent possibly at 100%, defeat was likely, but there was a smile on my face as I realized I’d faced my fear.
Right there, I decided that even at 10%, I would be behind that board, making moves, ruthlessly trying to checkmate my opponent. Maybe I’d win today, maybe I wouldn’t. As this realization washed over me, the smile on my lips shone brightly in my eyes.
Watch out, life, your opponent has awakened.
