from the moment i saw you

i knew we had something special

but it couldn't be

because i loved someone else

or i thought i did

you flashed smiles across the room

made jokes as i walked past you

teased me relentlessly

trusted me with every secret

stole my heart from the start

but you had a girlfriend

and i stayed away

because i would never try to come between you

and the girl you loved

i wanted you to be happy

but all the times you told me she hurt you

or that she used you

that she never actually wanted you

those moments hurt

because i only wanted you

and then you finally realized

that i was the one who was always there for you

who cared about you, not your money or your looks

but i saw you for you

even if you didn't

so why would you hurt me like that?

why would you act like you were going to end up just like him

after i had just lost him; a really close friend

not even a week before

was it for attention?

and i still stayed with you

because you apologized

and it wasn't really all better

but at least you tried to fix it, right?

wrong, because just when i thought it was going to be okay

you tell me about her

the newer, hotter girl you were talking to

as if we weren't even a thing, like you never cared

what was i supposed to do, stay with you?

let you continue to hurt me?

so i left, knowing that i loved you

but that you would never love me enough

that i would never be enough for you

no matter what i changed about myself

or how hard i tries

before you fall in love again

or rekindle the fire we used to have

heed this warning

i can't be who you want me to be

i won't say what you want me to say

i need to be me if we're going to start this again

i won't always feel like enough

but i'll always try to be

because i love you so much that i'm willing to lose myself for a second time

to make you happy

and sometimes when i look in the mirror

i hate what i see, and wonder how you could ever love that

so i'm sorry if that shows too much

but i just want to know who i am

what i am, even if it means upsetting you

and going around in circles with you again and again

"you just gotta embrace it, nothing's wrong."

but he just doesn't get it, something is wrong

"just keep thinking that everything is okay and it will be."

but that's not always the case, because i can't be okay without him

"don't let the world tell you who you are, you can be anyone."

but what if who i want to be isn't who the world lets me be?

"you don't need to tell people everything, keep it to yourself."

but it hurts, and i need to put it out there somehow, or it'll be too much to handle

"i don't, and it always turns out fine for me."

but i'm not you, and that won't solve this problem

"then just roll with it."

and lose myself?

"you can't lose yourself."

why? just because you never have? you don't know everything.

"i never claimed to."

but you always act like you're just little mr. everything, and everything always turns out okay for you.

"because it has to."

why? why does it have to?

"because that's just how it is."

because that how you make it.

"you wouldn't understand."

then make me

"i can't."

then you do get it. i can't be okay right now, and i need someone there for me

"i am."

no, you're not. you never are. you basically just tell me to get over it

"because that's.."

yeah, yeah, that's what you do. i get it, already.

"i was going to say, that's my way of dealing with things."

what?

"this might be hard to believe, but i'm not perfect, and i cover it up with a smile."

oh.

"i force myself to be okay, so you can be okay. so everyone around me can be okay."

okay...

"and sometimes it is all just too much. but i can't let that stop me from living my life."

yeah, i get that.

"i have to continue to move on, so i just tell myself it'll be okay eventually, and i live."

you don't just breathe, you live. i admire that.

"i tell myself that's what true strength is, but sometimes i think it's just something i tell myself to make me feel alright."

it is strength, or at least, one form of it.

"yeah, well, i don't always feel strong. and it doesn't come easy. it's draining sometimes, but at least i get to enjoy some things, right?"

yeah.

when the lights go out and the curtains close

and you find yourself standing on that stage

wondering

what would happen if you could do it all again

when the crowd files out and the game is over

do you ever wonder

if you would have won

if you were given another chance

or what if you had never moved

and left all of your friends behind

what would be happening right now

or maybe what is happening, without you

and if you had told someone what he told you

because maybe you could have saved him

if you hadn't been such a bad friend

and let him go that easily

or if you had kept trying to get through to the one you love

but instead he's gone, and you miss him

because when you see him, or something that reminds you of him

it hurts, and you regret letting him go

your voice

the way it went quiet when you were upset

the sad guitar you played

the melodies that gave me shivers

the laughs and screams

from our first date at the amusement park

the songs you sent me

that make me cry when i hear them now

your heartbeat, so close to mine

a slow, but steady beating

the best months of my life

reduced to memories and sounds

Sometimes I feel like a burden. I scare people away with my thoughts and feelings; or at least, that's what I think.

I only have one friend, but she's worth it. She makes me the person I am today. No matter how much I doubt my worth, she tries to make me feel better; she tells me that she loves me, and that she always will.

But how am I supposed to just expect her to process everything I'm feeling, when it's too much for me to handle? I tell myself that she won't want to know, or that she'll think of me differently if I tell her certain things that I feel.

I lost a friend, and even though it's been a while since he's been gone, there are songs that put me right back to when I first found out he was gone. I get in a mood, and it's hard to break out of it. He really was one of my closest friends, and now I push away anyone who reminds me of him. I'm not proud of it, but I know that's what I'm doing.

It just hurts to think that I can love someone, and then lose them in an instant, just like with him. Love is a hard emotion, and it causes me to feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I feel like I never get it right; that no one would ever love me if they knew the real me.

But my friend; she tells me what I need to hear. Even when I don't know that I need to hear it. She's always there, encouraging me, helping me get of whatever funk I've been in.

I want another chance at love, but I've thought that maybe I've blown all the chances I was going to get. That maybe I'm not worth another chance.

I know now that I'm wrong. There are people out there who could love me, and there are people who do love me. I'm finally going to be okay. I still need to work on loving myself more, and committment, but I'm finally okay emotionally; which is all that really matters in the moment.

Stormy night on a haunted street

All night, the sun and the rain compete

When dawn breaks, the people crowd together

To observe all the terrors

Committed by nightfall

The horror and disgust

On the children's faces

Kicking through all the dust

To see the obscure places

The people go home

The streets becomes tranquil, calm

The gray sky sets in

how can thirteen miles feel like so much distance?

relatively speaking, you're so close to me

but sometimes it feels like we're on different planets

it's so hard to imagine you in your present state

i used to be able to see you every day

but now, i feel unreachable, and seeing each other is a rare occurance

i love you too much for this to be our life

our relationship thrives off of communication

and being this far away makes my problems seem too small to matter

yet even when you're that far away

you're still the closest person to me

you know me better than anyone ever will

that's how i keep my faith in you

telling myself that this distance is an out

yet you stay

so maybe i really can mean something to somebody

because why else would you stick around?

why else would you act like thirteen miles is nothing?

the good times always come to an end

so sometime soon

somthing is going to happen

something will go wrong

at least, according to murphy's law it will

i'm thinking maybe someone from my past comes back

or i get framed for a crime

either way, it should at least be a little exciting

and even if it's not, i'll have a new story to tell once it's over

Being omnipotent is something everyone wants, right?

The ability to anything?

Imagine this:

A world of peace, no war, no arguements, just harmony

The end of world hunger, no mothers going hungry to provide for their children

Everyone has a job, no matter how simple or complicated, nobody has to file unemployment or worry about the lights or water being shut off

Now imagine you wake up with the ability to do anything in the world; no one can stop you

We all know that what we say we would do is probably not what we would actually do

We can say all we want that we would solve all the problems the world has

But imagine the pressure that you will feel trying to do everything, no one to help you

Imagine you try and try, but can't figure out the solution to every problem that needs solving

How omnipotent would you feel then?

Would you still feel like you could do anything?

Would you still enjoy having that power?

Or would it turn into a burden over time, somthing you wish you could get rid of?

Imagine you're the one everybody blames when they wake up and nothing has changed

Or maybe it has, just not for the better

Imagine the guilt, the helplessness you would feel if it was you

What would you do then?