the one thing i ever wore all the time

is your sweatshirt

remember the first time i wore it?

i spilled my coffee all over myself

and you came to my rescue

no matter what i felt

i wore that sweatshirt

it was gray, but not a gloomy gray

just gray

and it had the pink floyd album cover on it

the dark side of the moon album

because you were obsessed

except it didn't have the whole image

it was so worn out, well loved

that pieces of it had ripped off in the wash

remember what you told me when you gave it to me for christmas?

you said that it was special

because your dad gave it to your mom

when the two of them were dating

that sweatshirt was my everything

i kept it safe

and always knew where it was

because you gave it to me

why don't you ever wear it anymore?

you used to tell me you'd sleep in it

and it'd feel like i was right there next to you

you loved my scent on it

but now it's like you'll do anything to forget us

even if it means neglecting your favorite hoodie

in the dark and silent safety- under my covers,

the moon trying to shine in,

i think of you.

i think of what we had,

but i've added on so much that never happened,

i don't know what's real anymore.

in the rowdy chaos of the school building,

i know what's real.

i remember what you did.

i remember coming to school, knowing it was the last time

i would see you and not want to cry,

or scream at you, or both,

and i know that i miss the you that i made up,

not the one you are.

i miss when you lied to my face about loving me,

and i had no idea.

i was oblivious,

but i don't miss you anymore.

because you were never who i thought you were.

mascara stains on my pillowcase

love letters torn to shreds

memories set ablaze

clouds in the sky covering the moon

fog in the air blocking my view of you

forests and mountains in have come between us

and never have i ever felt so free