We all have our ideas of good and evil, or if you don’t attend to higher powers, use the various prefixes of morality, or if you have nothing else, consider that perspective exists only within the confines that our unique paths have taken. I often think of our universe and the smallest scaled “spookiness” of reality where every particle within its field exists and acts as if connected to all the others. In some grander scheme, there may be one that connects across them all, to a point where every interaction within is somehow known and recorded. It all becomes an exorcize of thought to what may happen when we die. If, in that dimension, our souls save and continue down to each quantum interaction of existence, there could be a way to play them back, relive them, or perhaps live them through another consciousness when ours has played out in the realm we understand.

This brings me to my special condition. You see, I am Bipolar and have suffered several episodes of manic and depressive psychosis. My brain in both states tends to rev itself up or down to a critical place where sleep and food and drink become secondary to the mind’s spinning collapse. It begins to function on two levels, one that smears dreams and reality across the consciousness and the other that exposes the subconscious to the cognitive portions of the brain. You see Angels and Demons and flirt with the power and responsibility of Gods. Then comes nothingness, blackness, insignificance, and doom. I am my most creative, swirling inside the eye of it. I am the most scared and confident of what I may become as well. Having been through it, having seen it in others, I can thankfully say that I did not find an ounce of malevolence within me. I pray that continues forever.

At some point along this ride, I put the notions above together and started to think about the evolution of humanity’s darkest minds. And this is where I confess my fantasy. It is not for the weak of heart or mind. It’s a trip to a place that most humans and our cultures know. I just call it hell. Not the hell of retribution or damnation of my own soul, but the possession, being of my own self, within the existence and soul of humanity’s very worst, reliving their lives, exposed to all their horrid thoughts and deeds. And then to possess in the same way, every soul that suffered them.

I dream that our existence is truly eternal in this endeavor, It will take billions of souls to feel, endure, and understand the extents of our human darkness.

And maybe the next time around, I’ll go for the light.

I have to be honest with you. May I be completely honest with you?

Thank you. But……wait…..where are my manners? You must be absolutely exhausted. Why don’t you just put your feet up here and I’ll get you a drink. What’s your pleasure?

Nice choice! Very nice choice! We’ll get along just fine!

I know that you‘re here to interview me, but I’m just too curious for my own good.

Here we are! A nice fresh bottle. On the rocks? Oh, sorry. You’ve probably seen enough rocks for one day, haven’t you? It’s a nice view from up here, but it’s a long way up, and even farther down! I’m including the depth of the ocean of course. Yes. Of course.

Do make yourself comfortable.

So sorry. Standing here holding this bottle like……Wow! I’m at a loss for words. With a wedge of lime? Really? Straight out of the bottle? Okay, if that’s how you like it. No glass? Cheers! Or, more like a dusty cowboy in the spaghetti westerns. Ha, ha straight out of the bottle! Hair of the dog that bit ya! So, sorry. I couldn’t resist. Let’s enjoy our drinks and the view. I do wish you’d let me put some iodine on those wounds. Teddy is the gentlest pup once you get to know him.

Ahhh….No, no that’s okay. I told you to make yourself comfortable.

We all have our own definition of “comfortable“ don’t we?

And “uncomfortable“ too, I suppose.

Would you like some sunscreen?

SPF 50 of course.

Ummm, of course. Of course. You can’t be expected to reach back there.

But, I have to ask.

Join you? No, but thank you. Whiskey bothers my stomach these days. Oh you mean…..I’m not sure….That’s a bit unusual.

My question? Oh right! However did you get up here? No offense but, you don’t seem to be a rock climber. I didn’t say I was. Well, you’re the one who asked me to “join you”. No, it’s fine. I’ll soon be baring my soul to you, so…..

Parachute? Brilliant!

But, however are we going to get you back up into the airplane?

Hey! I just wanted to let everyone know that I am no longer staying away from Prose! (Yeah, it's like, that ridiculous mosquito coming back to disturb your serene sleep ^-^) The exams, which I had been eating away my brains for, were just postponed. And I covered most of the portions too. [Or more like, devoured most of the textbooks :)] I mean, that's bad news for me, yes. But, staying away from the grid any longer doesn't make much sense. So let me try and come to a point-I am back!!!

And that means I might occasionally (more like, frequently) pop up in the notifications. Don't be alarmed! My mental stability, though it was always questionable, has not gone worse (yet ^-^). And the number of notifications that I would have to catch up with have clearly shown that this place was cheerful enough. Maybe lacking a bit, but do not worry, now that I am here, we are about to go crazy! Put on your seatbelts, people. This might be a roller coaster journey! Missed you guys! Love ya!

#nonfiction I mean, of course, it is!

"Pulled from my home inside a cloud, lost to the dark I drift alone. Now I've returned beyond the shroud, ever to reign upon my throne, here in my Crystal Kingdom. I saw beyond the universe, far past the places we should see. But for my vision, I was cursed. Torn from my home and family, lost to my Crystal Kingdom. Saved from the darkness by my child locked in a cage of glass and steel. But my true love remains in exile, beckoning me to break the seal into this Crystal Kingdom. Kept from our children, lovers, friends, subject to laws we did not make. This is where separation ends, and souls of the lost will come awake. Enter this Crystal Kingdom."

Written by Griffin McElroy, for the Crystal Kingdom arc for The Adventure Zone. I'll post the link in the comments at some point. It's really worth a listen.

You can buy the Album at https://griffinmcelroy.bandcamp.com/album/the-adventure-zone-the-crystal-kingdom-ost .

This is off of youtube, but unfortunately it's not the whole soundtrack. You'll have to buy it, or go listen to TAZ. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TYBnwuWpmMA . My favourite bit is "See You Later." speaking of which, bye! See you later.

Take care,

Winter.

It's harder to say goodbye

Because what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're OK?

And saying that bad things happen for a reason,

will not stop the bleeding.

Because you moved on while I'm still grieving.

And my heart is breaking because you never said you were leaving.

Every time I reach for you, it takes a minute to dawn,

that you are truly gone.

Every time I remember,

all those nights in September

I fall apart in time with the seasons,

trying to battle my guilt demons

because I never got to say goodbye before you died.

So to prove that, here are a shit-ton of quotes.

-"Tim’s, McDonald’s, and the beer store are all closed on Christmas Day. And that’s your whole world right there." Wayne.

-“You knew your pal had come into money when he started throwing out perfectly good pistachios like he was above cracking ’em open with a box cutter like the rest of us.” Daryl.

-“Yeah. Oh, hey, look at you, ground." Dan.

-“Seeing as this is most certainly a one-off event and not a tradition that also falls on some made-up holiday that I couldn’t give a cats queef about, I’m out. There’s happiness calling my name from the bottom of a bottle of Puppers.” Wayne.

-“You’d best be preparin’ for a Donny Brook if you think I’m going to that super soft birthday party of yours.” Wayne.

-“Oh I’m stomping the brakes, put that idea right through the fucking windshield.” Katy

-“Buddy you couldn’t wheel a fuckin’ tire down a hill.” Wayne.

-“I see the muscle shirt came today. Muscles coming tomorrow? Did ya get a tracking number? Oh I hope he got a tracking number. That package is going to be smaller than the one you’re sportin’ now.” Daryl.

-“What’s up with your body hair, you big shoots? You look like a 12-year-old Dutch girl.” Wayne

-“You can cross fuck off.” Wayne.

-“Your sister’s hot, Wayne! There I said it! I said it! I regret nothing! I regret nothing!” Squirrely Dan.

-“You stopped toe curlin’ in the hot tub ’cause you heard sperms stay alive in there and you’ve seen Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles enough times to know how that story ends.” Wayne.

-“You seen a ‘coon havin’ sex with a barn cat on top of your truck? Fuck what’s the nature of that, David Suzuki.” Wayne

My personal favourite, -“It’s like algebra…why you gotta put numbers and letters together? Why can’t you just go fuck yourself?” Wayne.

-“You naturally care for a companionship, but I guess there’s a lot worse things than playing a little one-man couch hockey in the dark.” Wayne.

-“Got anymore of that electric lettuce? These darts aren’t doing it.” Wayne.

-“You’re a cup of baby carrots, ya fucking asshole.” Wayne.

-“Your dad says guys with big trucks have little dinks. And that makes sense cuz you want a real big truck and got a real little dink.” Wayne.

-"You do CrossFit?" Daryl, "You can Cross-Fuck off!" Wayne.

-“Fuck Lemony Snicket, What A Serious Of Unfortunate Events You Fuckin Been Through You Ugly Fuck. Boulevard Of Broken Dreams!” Wayne.

Go watch it, it's on Hulu. Get after it!

Seated at a banquet

Points made to fly

Forever on a blanket

Stars fill the sky

A star will sometimes stumble

A star will sometimes fall

And down the star will tumble

Till nothing is left at all

What do they do you may ask,

“What do they eat?”, you say

They never dream of doing a task

But dance the night away

So, I was thinking. I have only two months of school life left. The exams are all approaching soon. And this result has quite an impact on deciding my future. So, maybe I should consider staying away from some things for a while-From Facebook to Youtube, and maybe Prose.

I mean, for almost a month, I was not able to finish a single post. And I don't think I really would be able to do that in the coming months too. So, maybe instead of attempting and failing in multitasking, again and again, I think I should focus on one task right now. And considering the current circumstances, the top priority should be learning, of course. So, this is almost like a short goodbye.

I mean, I would come back, of course. This place is now a part of my life. I am not leaving this place (At least not anytime soon. You see, life can be unpredictable ^-^). So, I might not be around here for a while. I might be busy devouring textbooks. So, I will miss you guys. But I will be back soon ^-^

PS: And the day I return, I am announcing my arrival by taking down this post, lol. It seems far too emotional for my type ^-^ So until someday halfway April, keep this place cheerful, won't ya ^-^

My Brother, My Brother, and Me, is an advice podcast for the modern era, run by Justin McElroy, the Oldest Brother, Travis McElroy, the Middlest Brother, and Griffin McElroy, the Baby, Babiest, or Youngest Brother.

Okay, but all capitalization aside, I have seriously enjoyed MBMBaM for the first 100/550ish episodes. It's still going, and I seriously recommend it. Juice, Trav, and Griffy have never failed to amuse me. There is some explicit content, but not that much. As far as I know, it's on Google Podcasts, Spotify, and MaximumFun.org .

Each of them do other podcasts.

The three of them and their father do a podcast called The Adventure Zone, (What got me into MBMBaM.

The Three of them do Till Death Do Us Blart, and each episode is a review about Paul Blart, Mall Cop 2.

Juice does Sawbones: a Marital Guide to Misguided Medicine. With his Wife, De. Sydnee McElroy.

Juice does Quality Control.

Juice and Griffy do The Besties with Chris Plante, and Russ Frushtick.

Trav does Bunker Buddies with Andie Bolt.

Trav does Interrobang! with Tybee Diskin.

Trav does Schmanners with Theresa McElroy, his Wife.

Trav does Surprisingly Nice! with Hal Lulbin, and Guests.

Trav does The Kind Rewind with Theresa McElroy, his Wife.

Trav does Trends Like These with Brent Black.

Trav does Can I Pet Your Dog? With Allegra Ringo, and Renee Colvert.

Griffy does CoolGames Inc. with Nick Robinson.

There was also one that has been Discontinued, Rose Buddies with Griffy and Rachel McElroy, His wife.

You can find all of the above on MaximumFun.org . I personally haven't listened to all of these, but I'm getting to them.

Happy listening!