Sarah had to move back in with her parents. Without her husband’s income, she couldn’t afford the nice house they used to live in anymore. In fact she couldn’t afford anything anymore. She looked for employment but the only thing she was qualified for was flipping burgers for 8 dollars an hour and that wasn’t going to take care of herself and her two children. She spent hours trying to qualify for assistance from the government with no luck. So she had to move back in with her parents. It was like taking a huge step back.

Her husband had been missing for over 6 months. The police found no trace of him anywhere. She wasn’t convinced that they were looking very hard. She knew he was going to show up one day but with each passing day, her hope started to fade. There was no evidence to give detectives a lead to where he might be. As far as they were concerned, he just disappeared off the face of the Earth. There was no trace of him anywhere. They did find his car, parked in his usual spot at work. There was no sign of struggle or anything to suggest anything unusual had happened there. He was just gone.

Sarah never gave herself any time to mourn. She had to be strong for the children. The children had a hard time at first with their father’s disappearance. They had behaviors and been to see councilors to help them get over it. They went through the five stages of grief. At first they didn’t believe their father would abandon them like that. As the prospect of their fathers return began to fade, they became angry. It wasn’t fair that their lives had to change like this. Now everybody else had a father but them. Soon they started to believe that if they acted better, their father would return. So they became the perfect children. The behaviors stopped and Sarah got a break from the constant emotional drain that the children had on her. When the children realized that their father wasn’t coming back no matter how they acted, they gave up. They stopped living all together. The hope that they had to ever see their father again disappeared and finally they were able to accept the fact that he was gone forever.

Sarah on the other hand, had not gone through any of the stages mentioned above. She was desperately holding on the hope that she would see him again. Since the moment they met, he was her whole world. She had fallen for him hard and she had never recovered. It was fortunate for her that he returned her feelings and when they married, it was the happiest day of her life. Since then they had gone through everything together and the result of their love had produced two children. She thought that she would live an amazing life with the person she was meant to be with. Now that was all gone. She would have to do something else with the time she had left. The thing is she had no idea what she should do.

Sarah’s mother was naturally concerned about her. She knew that Sarah was not coping well and needed some guidance. She contacted a grief support group and got information about upcoming meetings. She had to convince Sarah to go. Sarah had to come to terms with her loss and figure out how to live the rest of her life.

When Sarah’s mother approached her on the subject, Sarah objected. She didn’t want to face the pain that she would need to face to move on but Sarah’s mother would not give up. After days of pressuring Sarah to go, she finally agreed. The reason she agreed was to get her mother off her back. The truth was she needed to go to start rebuilding her life.

Sarah entered the room where the meeting was going to take place. There were several people already there. Some people were talking to other people and some people were sitting quietly by themselves. Sarah found a seat by herself and sat down. She was very anxious. She didn’t really know what was about to happen to her and she wanted to get it over with as soon as possible.

After some time had passed, the moderator motioned for everybody to find a place to sit. As an introduction, the moderator went through the five stages of grief and stressed the importance of not missing a stage. Only after you go through all five stages can you recover from your loss. Sarah was only half paying attention. She just wanted to whole thing to be over. She just wanted her old life back. Her happy life, not this nightmare she had been sleep walking through for six months.

The speaker changed and Sarah looked around to see who was talking now. A couple were sitting close to Sarah and she identified them as the ones who were speaking. Sarah only caught parts of their story. They had lost a son when he was struck by a drunk driver. The Montgomery’s were in the anger stage. They were angry because their son had died and the drunk driver that killed their son survived. It wasn’t fair that the person that caused the accident should live while someone who was innocent had to die. The moderator encouraged them to express their anger and everyone expressed sympathy toward them. The moderator said it was normal for them to feel that way and gave them methods for coping with the anger they were feeling. Sarah felt all alone, but as other people also shared their stories, with each story Sarah started to feel like maybe she wasn’t by herself after all.

After what seemed like a long time, the moderator called on Sarah to share her story. Sarah told everyone that her husband went to work one day and that no one had seen him since. People who saw him get out of his car said that he was there one moment, and the next moment he was gone. They couldn’t explain what had happened to him and nobody saw him go anywhere. It was like he vanished off the face of the Earth, as the detectives put it. The moderator ask Sarah if she ever thought they would find him again. Since they never found a body he must be somewhere Sarah thought. Sarah said that if he is somewhere then there is a chance they would find him and bring him home.

Maybe the detectives were right, the moderator offered, Maybe Sarah’s husband did vanish into thin air. All the witnesses said that was the case, Sarah needed to accept that maybe he wasn’t coming back. But that was crazy, how someone could just vanish, Sarah protested. Magicians make people vanish. Sarah thought about that but rejected it, the person vanishing would have to be in on the act and there is no way her husband would abandon his family. There had to be another explanation.

When the meeting was over, Sarah felt very defensive. A woman in her late fifties approached her. She explained that she had gone through the same thing that Sarah was going through. When she was younger her husband disappeared unexpectedly. He was never found. She had to let him go and go on with her life. She told Sarah that even though it seemed impossible right now, Sarah would get to a place where she could go on with her life as well. The woman gave Sarah her number and told her that she could text her anytime she needed to talk to somebody. Sarah politely took the woman’s number and went home.

Sarah went about the next few weeks in a daze. She went to work and took care of her children. She tried to live as normal an existence as was possible. She kept thinking about what the moderator said at the meeting she went to. She refused to believe that her husband abandoned his family. His family was the reason he got up in the morning and went to work, and the reason he came home at night. There was no way he would just leave them. Maybe he did just vanish into thin air. Did someone specifically pick him to take away or was he just picked randomly? Why did it have to be him? Why couldn’t it have been somebody that nobody would miss? Why did she have to be the one to suffer because of it? The anger swelled up inside of her to the point where she had to scream. She had passed the denial stage and had entered the anger stage. She realized that she needed to talk to somebody but she didn’t know who that would be. It was at that moment she remembered the older woman from the meeting. She found the woman’s number and decided to send her a text.

They met up for coffee the next day. Sarah explained her anger as well as she could. The perfect life she imagined for herself was gone and there was no one to blame. She didn’t know who to be angry at. There was no drunk driver to direct her rage against. The older women sat quietly and listened to her as she laid out all her complaints. When Sarah was done, the older women gave her own story. She had to come to terms with the fact that she also had no one to be angry at. Her own dreams had been smashed to pieces and so she had to find new dreams. Sarah would also have to find new dreams. Sarah asked her how she kept on living and the women simply said one day at a time.

Even though the older woman understood what Sarah was going through, and probably better than Sarah herself, Sarah didn’t feel any better. The anger and the rage was still there. The fact that there was no one to blame made her even angrier. If there was someone to blame, she could direct her rage in a specific direction, but the way it was, there was nowhere to direct it and everywhere to direct it. The older woman encouraged Sarah to go to the next meeting. Sarah didn’t know what good it would do but she agreed because she had to do something.

The next meeting started and Sarah had a better idea of what to expect. This time instead of sitting by herself, she sat with the older women who had befriended her. This time when her turn came to speak, she talked about what she had done to deserve this thing that had happened to her. Most of her life she had always gotten what she wanted and the fact that most people don’t find someone so amazing was not lost on her. Perhaps she didn’t appreciate her good fortune enough and it had to be taken away from her so she could. Maybe if she just changed her attitude somehow or learned some kind of lesson everything would be restored to her. Without realizing it, Sarah has passed into the bargaining stage. The moderator told Sarah that she didn’t cause her husband’s disappearance and there was nothing she could do to make him come back. The older woman insisted that they meet for coffee in the next few days and Sarah agreed.

When Sarah met the older woman for coffee a few days later, she had a renewed energy about her. She was determined to learn her lesson and for her life to get back to the way it was. The older woman asked her what type of work she wanted to do and suggested that she take classes at the community college. Sarah decided that would be perfect and went about planning for her new education.

Sarah started taking classes. It has been awhile since she took any kind of classes and it was hard for her to get into the swing of things. She tried the best she could but after a few weeks she started to feel burned out. She started to wonder what the point was. She started to wonder what the point was to anything. She started skipping classes and her mother noticed she had become listless.

Sarah had been meeting the older woman for coffee on a regular basis. The older women listened to Sarah as she went through each stage of grief. It might not seem like progress, she once told Sarah, but going through each stage is important to get through so you can finally get on with your life. The coffee meetings stopped. Sarah had given up. She didn’t see why she had to go on anymore. Of course there was the children, but she reasoned that they would adjust. There were other people who cared about Sarah but she forgot about them. She just didn’t care anymore.

The weeks that followed she decided to stay in bed. Her mother took care of the children. She got fired from her job for not showing up. She also failed her classes for the same reason. But she didn’t care about any of it. She would get out of bed to eat and then she would just go right back. The older woman sent her several texts but she didn’t answer any of them. Nothing mattered anymore. At least she didn’t feel like killing herself. She just wanted to escape from her life. So she did.

Nothing changed. Day after day it was the same thing. She would get up and eat and then she would go back to bed. Sometimes she would just lay in bed and cry. Other times she would stare at the ceiling and wonder what was happening to her. After many days she started to finally come to the place where she had completely exhausted her emotions. There was nothing left for her to feel. She didn’t feel anything. She wasn’t angry. She didn’t feel like crying anymore. She remembered her troubles but it was like the sting had been removed. She felt numb. From that point she started to think about what to do next.

Then one day it happened. It took many weeks but she finally broke through to acceptance. She had gotten to the point where she knew her husband was never coming back and that she had to get on with her life. She needed a plan. First, she would need to retake the classes at the community college to bring her grades up. Then she would need to find a job. Finally, she would need to find companionship again.

She started her classes all over again. It was a little humbling but she was determined to do her best. She sat at a desk somewhere in the middle of the class. She looked around and noticed that most of the students were a little bit younger than herself. There were some older students but most of them were young. As the teacher gave his lecture, she tried keeping up with the notes. It was harder than she remembered and she was missing some information. When the class was over, a young man noticed that she had some notes missing and offered to help her fill in the missing information. It had been a while since she had done any socializing and she wasn’t sure how to respond. She didn’t want to give the young man the wrong idea in case he had a crush on her, but she also needed to complete her notes. Perhaps the young man was just being nice. After all, he must have noticed the wedding ring she was still wearing. She accepted his offer and they spent some time after class updating Sarah notes. When that was completed, the young man said that a group of them met in the student lounge to study for class and if she wanted to join them she could do that. Sarah thanked the young man and said she would think about joining the study group.

Sarah wasn’t sure. She was more than a little rusty at socializing and they all seemed too young for her to be hanging out with. The truth was that she felt completely out of place. As the oldest person in the group, she felt like she could be their mother. Of course she wasn’t nearly old enough to be any of their mothers but that’s how she felt. She also didn’t want to encourage the young man in the case that he did have a crush on her. It was much too soon for her to be thinking about romance.

Sarah threw herself into her school work. She needed to do something that she felt would move her life forward and getting an education was a step in the right direction. Her classes were hard for her. She often got discouraged and felt like giving up. Her weekly get together with the older woman was always something she looked forward to and it was nice to have someone who would politely listen to her complain.

She was barely keeping her head above water in her classes. Her children had started to get used to Grandma taking care of them. Sarah had to put most of her time into her studies and that left little time to spend on her children. The time she did spend on them she tried to spend wisely, but often the children had different priorities and her time was spent mostly on correcting their behavior. Sarah soon decided that her school work was more important. She could mend her relationship with her children after her schooling was done. So Grandma was left to raise the children while Sarah focused on completing her degree.

Sarah realized that she needed help if she was going to survive the semester. Up to this point she had avoided the study groups that were organized by the younger students, but maybe this was a mistake. It would cost money to hire a tutor and the study groups would be able to help her focus. It would be a little awkward at first but she would get used to it. She would have to get used to it. Her future was too important.

Sarah showed up at the student lounge. She scanned the area. When she saw people she recognized, she approached the group and asked if she could join them. They were studying for an important test that would be taking place the following week. Sarah sat down and started to listen to them discuss the material. She opened her textbook to follow along.

At first Sarah just followed along. She wanted to get a feel for each personality before she dived into any discussions. The last thing she wanted was to say or do something that would put her at odds with the other participants before she even got started. So Sarah just kind of stayed in the background and concentrated on learning the material. It’s was about half way into the group meeting and she had not really said much. She asked a few questions here and there but didn’t really offer any valuable insight. She was a little surprised when she heard her name. She had been trying to concentrate but in reality she was day dreaming. The sound of her name snapped her back to the here and now. The young man who had first invited her asked her a question. Her answer was not very long so he tried again. He was trying to draw her out of her shell with mixed results. He was not the only one who tried to draw Sarah into a more active role in the discussions. None of the other students had much success either.

Time moved forward and Sarah became more comfortable with the group. As her comfort level rose so did her participation level. She actually felt like maybe she had even made some friends, even though she couldn’t see what else they had in common besides school. Sarah began to start feeling guilty. She couldn’t put her finger on the reason why but the reason was this: Sarah started to enjoy the attention she had been receiving from the rest of the group. She was starting to feel a bit more normal again. She had her school work to concentrate on and although it wasn’t exactly a social life, she was interacting with other people and starting to build connections to the outside world. She felt especially guilty when the young man who first invited her paid her attention. He never acted as if he wanted to be more than friends but he was Sarah’s type and she still felt like she was married, even though the finality of death does conclude those type of arrangements.

Sarah still had her meetings with the older woman who she met at her first grief support group meeting. When she talked about the study group and especially the young man the older woman’s face lit up. She told Sarah that she was turning a corner and that things were starting to get better. Sarah asked her if she was turning a corner, why she felt guilty. The older woman explained that the reason Sarah felt guilty was because to move forward she had to leave her husband in the past. She had to go on without him and now that she was starting to do that, she felt like she was betraying him in some way. The older woman told her that her husband would want her to live out her life and find happiness again.

The older woman thought about saying something but paused for a moment. Sarah noticed her hesitation and asked what was wrong. The older woman asked Sarah if she ever thought about having her husband declared legally dead. The older woman said that if Sarah was going to move on with her life, she would need to have the closure that having him declared legally dead would provide. Besides, the older woman said, if you had any life insurance or if your husband had a pension at work, they would only pay out after his death.

Sarah wasn’t ready to bury her husband just yet, but over the next few weeks she thought about it a lot. She had a long talk with her mother about it and she even had a brief talk with the kids. The kids didn’t really know what to think about it. They couldn’t see what difference it made either way. Sarah was torn. She had finally started to let go but she hadn’t let go completely.

Sarah sat in the lawyer’s office. It took her several more weeks of going back and forth before she decided. A year had gone by and there was no sign of him. In this day and age, he would have to be stuck in a remote corner of the world for nobody to have found him by now. The only logical conclusion is that he is dead. So Sarah must now make his death official. The lawyer mentioned that a person can be declared legally dead if they have been missing for 7 years. Since her husband had only been missing for 1 year. She would need to file a petition and then convince a judge that her husband is actually dead.

To accomplish this Sarah would have to gather some information. First she would have to get statements from witnesses. The lawyer said that should be easy since the police should have taken statements from all the witnesses. Next Sarah would need to get the Police report on her husband’s disappearance and finally she would need to perform what is called a diligent search for the missing person. This would include contacting the police, which Sarah did right after the disappearance and advertising in newspapers and periodicals. It may also include hiring a private investigator. The lawyer informed Sarah he would take care of getting the police report and filling out the petition but that Sarah would need to decide on the advertising and whether she should hire a private investigator or not.

Sarah spent another few weeks thinking the matter over. While she was thinking, she was still attending the study groups for her classes. Her grades weren’t spectacular but she was passing and that was something. She was participating more in the group discussions and by this time felt pretty comfortable about the rest of the group. The young man who had first invited her, politely kept his distance. Sarah was sure by now that he was interested in her, but since she still wore her wedding ring thought that she was off limits.

Sarah wasn’t sure what to do about the advertising. When she attended the meeting she had regularly with the older woman, the older woman said that hiring a private investigator would cost too much money and that she could probably make her case without going to all that trouble. Putting small advertisements in papers would probably be the best thing to do. When Sarah asked the older woman what she did, she said that she allowed the seven years to pass and then had her husband declared dead. Sarah didn’t want to wait that long. She decided that she would put an advertisement in some national papers and then hope for the best.

The hearing to determine whether her husband would be declared legally dead or not was in 6 weeks. As the date approached Sarah got very nervous. It was like closing the door to an entire lifetime. All of the friends that she had made since the whole ordeal started agreed to come with her. The older woman assured her she was not alone and that it would be a huge relief to have the question settled. The lawyer was worried that Sarah had not done enough to find her husband and that the judge may not grant the decree. The night before the hearing Sarah got a phone call. It was from someone who worked in a rehabilitation facility in another part of the state. The person said that they think they found her husband. He had arrived that the facility shortly after the date of her husband’s disappearance a fit his general description. The person in question had not been identified and nobody knew who he was. Sarah dropped the phone. She became as white as a ghost and fainted.

The lawyer asked for a postponement of the hearing. He informed the judge that they had received a lead to the possible whereabouts of Sarah’s husband and had to check out whether the lead was productive or not. Sarah was really nervous about the whole thing. It had been more than a year without any evidence and the night before she was going to settle the question, this had to happen. The older woman agreed to drive her to the rehabilitation facility. A wave of emotion swept over Sarah as she thought about the possibility that her husband was in fact not dead at all. The person in the rehabilitation facility didn’t know who he was. He didn’t know where he came from and had no memory of his past life. If this person did turn out to be her husband, what would it matter if he didn’t know her? Would that be better than death? They would have to get to know each other all over again. He would be a stranger to her. Would he even want to know her? She wasn’t sure she wanted to find out.

The drive took all day. They reached the facility in the late afternoon. The person they spoke to on the phone met them. He cautioned them that the person in question did not know who he was and that if he is Sarah’s husband he would not recognize her. Sarah understood and they proceeded to an area where outside guests would meet with patients. The man was sitting at a table. He was wearing a white robe that fastened in the back. His hair was short because they had cut it regularly and he had also been shaved. His eyes were blue and when you looked into them it seemed like nothing was looking back at you. Although the man could speak and hold a conversation, his eyes seemed vacant like there was no soul inside of them.

Sarah sat down across from the man and the older woman sat next to her. Sarah examined the patient to see if there was anything she recognized. His eyes were the right color. His hair was the right color too. She asked the man to stand up and he did as she asked. He seemed like he was the right height. His facial features seemed a bit off. Sarah brought a picture with her to help jog her memory and she held the picture up to him. He looked a lot like the picture but there were things that were a bit off. Sarah couldn’t quite explain it but he looked like her husband and he didn’t look like her husband. Sarah thought she would be able to recognize him instantly. Sarah thought now that perhaps she was going crazy.

She gave the picture to the older woman and asked her what she thought. The older woman agreed that he looked like her husband but also agreed that there were some things that didn’t seem right. Sarah wasn’t sure. She couldn’t say one way or another. She asked the person who phoned if there was a way to determine his identity. He said that if Sarah had a DNA sample from her husband, they could compare it to the patient and it would confirm his identity. If there was a strand of hair on some clothes or a hair brush, that would do it. Sarah thought. She hadn’t given away any of his clothes, there had to be his DNA somewhere.

Sarah and the older woman drove back home. The next day she called the lawyer and explained what the problem was. The lawyer said he would need a court order to get the patients DNA. In the meantime, Sarah would need to find a DNA sample from her husband. She took all his clothes to a lab and they searched until they found something they could use. They just needed to wait for the DNA sample from the patient that they would have to match. The thought of having her husband back made Sarah’s heart race, the thought of him not knowing her from any other woman left her anxious. She wasn’t sure which situation was better, but she had to know for sure.

Once the court order was given. Sarah had to wait for the results of the test. Part of her was hoping that the patient was not her husband. If he was her husband, there was no guarantee that he would ever feel the same way about her that he did before. Sarah thought that that might be worse than death. Either way, she would have to start all over again.

Finally the results came back. The technician on the other end of the phone assured her that the patient was not her husband. The DNA samples did not match. Sarah felt a wave of relief. She called the lawyer and had him reschedule the hearing. This time the lawyer sounded confident that Sarah would get the ruling that she wanted. She would still have to wait several weeks, but there was little doubt in the lawyers mind that Sarah had done enough to search for her husband.

The semester at school ended and with it her study groups. The good news was that she passed all her classes and was well on her way to getting her degree. There was a sense of accomplishment and Sarah was proud of herself for sticking it out. The bad news was that she might not see the young man who had respectfully paid her attention from a distance. Sarah secretly enjoyed the attention and realized that would be something she would miss. Still, there are other fish in the sea, so to speak and a whole world of possibilities.

Sarah spent more time with her kids. She had finally gotten to the place where she could give them the attention they deserved without feeling drained. She helped them with their homework and she played games with them. She talked with them about their day and started to enjoy their company. She wasn’t fighting with them like she was before. They were better now and she was better herself. There was just one thing holding her back, and that was that she was still legally married. She could petition for divorce and would probably easily get it, but she didn’t believe in divorce. She wanted people to remember her husband the way he was and if they divorced, she felt it would somehow taint his memory.

The day of the hearing came. The lawyer explained the police report. He produced witnesses that all said her husband was there one second and the next second he was gone. The detectives explained the procedures they took to locate him, searching hospitals and morgues. The lawyer described Sarah own attempts at searching for her husband and described the patient at the rehabilitation facility that was a possible match but ultimately turn out to be false. The Judge listened to all the evidence and retired to his chambers to think about all the things he had heard. The lawyer was confident that he had presented enough evidence to convince the judge. He tried to reassure Sarah that everything would be alright.

The judge returned from his chambers after thinking for a long time. The lawyer said it was a bad sign that the judge had to take such a long time and wasn’t as confident as he had previously been. The longer it takes to decide the more likely the decision will be no. The judge started to make a speech describing his ruling. When he started Sarah went into a daze. She hardly heard any of the words that were spoken. It’s like she was frozen in time. Before she knew it, it was over. The judge had stopped speaking and everyone got ready to leave. The lawyer looked at Sarah and congratulated her. Sarah asked the lawyer what just happened. The lawyer said that the judge approved the petition and that her husband was now legally dead. She was now a widow and that she could now get on with the rest of her life.

Sarah left the courtroom and went home. She felt relief and she also felt a little empty. She wasn’t sure what she should do. She would need to sign up for next semester’s classes. She would need to look for a part time job. She would need to get more involved with her children’s lives. She felt anxious. She wanted to start the rest of her life right now. She felt like she was already wasting it. She needed to talk to somebody so she sent a text to the older woman who helped her all those months ago and had been her friend.

The next day they met for coffee. Sarah explained the feelings that she had. She didn’t want to waste any time but she wasn’t sure what she should do. The older women suggested that she get a hobby and start socializing. Being around and enjoying the company of other people. Sarah thought about that. She wasn’t tied to a dead person anymore. She could do anything she wanted without feeling guilty.

Sarah returned to the student lounge. Since the semester was over, she didn’t expect anyone to be there. The study group was the only people she had socialized with since she lost her husband and she wanted to remember them. So she went back to where they regularly met. It was kind of a nostalgia thing. Like going back home after being gone for years. Even though it had just happened, she was starting a new chapter in her life and it did seem like a long time ago. Then she saw him. It was the young man who had first asked her to join and the one she was sure had a crush on her. He was reading a book by himself and had not yet seen her. She removed her wedding ring for the first time since she got married and slipped it into her pocket. She then went up to him. When he heard her voice he stopped reading and stood up. He seemed a bit nervous around her which was something else that Sarah secretly enjoyed. Sarah asked him if maybe he wouldn’t mind getting a bite to eat with her. After he fumbled around for a few minutes he finally answered her and the two of them left the student lounge together.