Popping pills to see what would happen, maybe the pain will lessen or soften. Deep slices on delicate flesh, cordless ropes around innocent necks. Swallow the fear so no one hears the faded tears blended into fake cheers. Wanting to die to figure out if life is real, never the effort, this is how I feel. The voice is all it is, sometimes the thoughts are hard to resist. Struggle to find why I exist, often seeking refuge in my inner abyss. Tired of what’s in my head, the lies I was fed fills me with so much dread. Destructive paths are where I was led, wishing I was dead prevents me from moving ahead. Pain is what you brought, filling my head with ludicrous thoughts. Help is what I sought, hope is why I fought. Everything is rushed, every word is hushed ; I lead to forgiving the ones who left me crushed. I search for what makes me complete, often questioning if things are truly concrete. Trial and error ; hatred has occurred, I reach out for my voice to be heard. I will prevail, you will be shocked at having failed to make me become something i’m not. Hell is where I was led, heaven is where I ended up instead. Left broken from all the times they lied, I finally realized it’s about the beauty inside. I realized all I bottled up in jars, learned to escape from toxic mental bars. To finally accept that all my scars are what makes me a superstar. A hug smile or kiss could do, a simple little gesture from me to you. Learn to live, laugh and love again, the mind is our friend and the world is our heaven.

Broken, crushed, shattered ; pieces of the mind lay scattered.

Searching for the precise desighn, near or far it's hard to find.

Flooding thoughts turn into tears, making the screams hard to hear.

To play a toxic game that isn't fair, drowning, suffocating & lonely, it's scary up there.

Racing doubts of was I right or wrong, fool me to think I would ever be strong.

Fighting demons in my head, the voices and laughter slowly spread.

Sometimes the thoughts are hard to resist, upon action pleading cries of "it doesn't have to end like this".

A little change to notice how we feel, spoken out, we start to heal.

Crushed and scratched, this is me ; my broken mind is truly lovely.

Stained voices inflict upon many choices.

Silent thoughts creep around the curves

Clinging onto the smallest of nerves

What was thought to be deserved

Gleaming bubbles tried to be preserved.

Cluelessly wondering of the gain

Brought on by the pain

Curing attempts in vain

Ends up driving me insane.

Sad for the things that made me mad

Glad for the good I had

Grateful for a mom and dad

Growing and learning from the bad.

Lost in the casual sway of drowning thoughts

Fishing through the mind of frost

There is a line that has been crossed

And everything comes with a cost.

Calculating is constantly frustrating

Suffocating is NOT captivating

Hating the lies they are stating

Rating truthfulness is irritating

Waiting is extremely debilitating.

WHEN WILL PEOPLE COME TO TERMS

WITH THE FADED REALITY OF DAMAGED MENTALITY?

I danced under the brightness of the moon,

the soft whistle of the wind being what I hear as the only tune.

Intruding thoughts of did I give up too soon,

barely leave any room for me think I would be immune.

It is tonight that I sit here allowing my mind,

to decide what is wrong and right.

Despite the constant fright that leaves a dark stain on my sight,

I delicately lay my body down in the pasture which soon fills me with delight.

The drops of rain gently trickle up my stomach and back down the length of me.

I come to find myself halfway submerged in mother nature’s pool.

I feel the breeze lightly rock my body in the shallow pond that has been created from the tears the gods shed.

I start to invite the blades to have a tingling bite of my delicate flesh,

in hopes it may ignite myself to feel my lungs grow tight.

I feel myself slowly sinking, in the toxic pool of my own thinking.

As my body delves into the drinking of the sins,

I begin the dance of shrinking in the pool of toxins.

I float downwards to the dark depths of the earth to soon find what I was worth.

The necklace that is in use, around my neck the beauty of the noose.

Never too tight, never too loose, sometimes the temptation brings misuse.

The lies that they produce cast it out as an excuse.

The beauty is used to induce the signs to years of abuse.

Snap, crack the body hangs flat, dripping from the mouth is juice, resulting from the final use.

I wear my noose like my necklace.

You, me & an old stained park bench covered by the shade of surrounding trees.

Walking side by side, you feel odd & distant, I count all the cracks in the sidewalk.

Soft sounds of the surrounding lake lead us to the old chipped bridge.

We walk to the end of the deck & I stand on the edge, watching the water twinkle.

You whisper "I'm sorry" into my ear & as I turn around, your face is a blur.

You grab me by the neck & shove my body into the water with immense force.

I kick, scratch & scream, but your grasp only tightens, distant yelling of strangers.

I stop flailing about as I watch the sun grow brighter & bigger, gently warming my skin.

Muffled sirens aproach & your grasp loosens as I slowly sink, your face fades.

The bitter blast of cold I feel as my heart explodes under the pressure of the water.

Roses are red violets are blue

Filled with dread ; it was you.

Shot to the head should have been the clue

Tears I bled but who knew?

Lies I was fed you watched from a view

I should have fled but to who?

You instead ; pushed your crew

Misled you grew.

You fled but got trapped coming through

What I said to the very few,

Misread from the truth.

Alone in bed blinded by stained hues,

Falsely led free you thought "phew"

I lye dead and who to blame?

YOU.

Roses are red violets are blue

Be careful who you choose.

I sway back & forth as I float along the water. It gently caresses my hair & dances with me acrosst it's vast body. No need to breathe as it swallows me & I slowly sink watching the sun smile & it's heat fade into cold & darkness. No harm, no fear. Just peace & silence as it softly lies me down at the bottom tucking me in with the blanket of sand & one last tear is blended with the paint of water.

Dark grey clouds blanket the sky. Chips & cracks slither up & around the faded walls of the building. The toxic tears bubble & spew from the clouds above while they shriek & gowl in pain as they burn & eat away at their delecate flesh. The boiling tears seep down into the dirty folds & pockets surrounding the defective shelter & swiftly melt the rotten ground.The sizzling hisses softly whisper in my ear, echoeing through my mind. Crisp splashes of water wail on contact with the grains of sand, rising with ease upon an unaware victim of myself. Icy waves asphyxiate the weak and engulf the vulnerable. Poisonous vibrations dance upon my tongue to leak and form into a venomous pool. Stiffling whines shatter off the crippling walls. Primordial beings cling and drag me back down into the dark soggy oblivion. Swimming through sweltering poisons to mold my body into the form of sadness.

Melena sits on the edge of the cliff overlooking the horizon. With nothing but the sweet smell of daisies and the occasional crash of the waves against the rocks. Her face burns as the wind gently kisses her for her tears had burned scars in their place. Her mind turns the perception of death into something beautiful and necessary. Her thoughts drown out from the sound of the rocks screaming her name from below. She begins to wonder how elegant she would look sprawled out on the bed of rocks. She wanted them to taste her blood. She is now standing on the edge of the cliff with the rocks flashing their sinister smiles up at her and the ocean that whispers her name. She breathes slowly, knowing these will be her last breaths of life. "Take Me" are her last words that are spoken in a soft whisper as she steps off the cliff.