and these crappy candy hearts haunt my dreams

it's stupid

i know

i'm being stupid

i just want to see you and for you to press one into my palm

sticky, sweaty

like third graders giggling

from between our crooked teeth

for the blush to kiss my cheeks

as you kiss it back

and to just hold your hand under the table in maths class like an idiot

there is nothing worse

than a young crush

the thing is

i just want to be grown-up with anyone but you

and yet i'm sure

we could swim all day

and i would feel nothing but happy

to go home with a crinkled flower clasped in my hand

with it's bitten nails framing the purple portrait

of love that grew on a tree

sweet as a little heart

i know you ate the rest of the packet

it lay around your lips

but the caption

small message among millions

pumped out of a smog-spewing factory

but let's be children

and forget that

all i remember is the individuality of that stamp

right on my heat

be mine.

Oh and the moon will sing her victory

glory dance

watching with her crater eyes

as I lie alone

outside

feet to the sky as if to run across her patterned bedsheets

like child to mother

crumpled linen around her eyes

as I smile

these endless sheets

aching to swallow me

in their darkness

oh how I long to join that web

of sewn stars

i could use the point of a needle

to paint my way into that coat of dreams

the moon sings a siren song

who knows who wants it more

for my bleeding heart to hang there

inbetween her tangled strings

holding me safe

safe from any harm

First

Time I ever saw you in that way

laying out

your spearmint gum pathway

sticking to the gaps in my fingers

so I couldn’t open my eyes anymore as you decided to

Kiss

Me and make my heart flutter

I’m sure this is harder in hindsight

I’m sure it didn’t feel like tar in my heart

when it happened

but now I’m tainted by what you broke of my

First

Love with arms wide open

and all day to spend with me

yours and mine and ours

all yours

I know now that there was nothing

in your eyes

but how could there be

nothing

in those eyes

as he leant in to

Kiss

My teary face

in memories

and the occasional fever dream that leaves me shaking

waking, shaking

cold sweat

fever

First

Goodbye

first time I wanted to die and just forget you

oh but I could never forget you

I snarl as I think of how I could forgive you

for

anything

even a stolen

Kiss

I wish I never pined for

never wanted

want

need

to let you go

and yet there are first kisses clinging to the atoms of my face

in insurmountable quantities

have you

forgotten me yet

Remember

That the best things come with a fight

And even though you may feel like Tantalus

You have more fire in your belly than a furnace

As long as it’s still what you want

You will get there in the end

With care

And kindness

Understanding

Paint starry night on your heart

When you feel alone

There’s always a lone

Listening

Ear

Lying out in the snow

with cheeks pinched

pulled into the arms of

Jack frosts’ bolder cousin

who tastes my tears and freezes them solid

time

on my face in a standstill

looking up at an expanse wider than my vision

like i kicked the snowflakes up there with my own two feet

spatters gods windshield

tracking across the sky

slowly

tangible wishes

they say wish on shooting stars but they pass

before I can gather a thought to tie onto its tail

planes are more my speed

to formulate a desperate wish

that collects around the corners of this angel in the sky

that puddles in the arms of crying babies

and curls around the heads of tired eyes

watching the fault in our stars for the eighth time

in the airborne cocoon

in small bites

my wish programs the plane

envelopes it

and I can watch it

hoping

that one day someone will come and take me across the world

to set foot

like a plane

on the toxic tarmac

in another world altogether

Suit and tie with black lace beneath

Divergent

Gorgeous

She has no idea what she’s done

She patched me up

I was in pieces

Oh she doesn’t know how many pieces I was in

And she sewed me back up with words and smiles and love

I’m infinitely grateful and there is nothing I can do

I can never repay her

She wasn’t my wings she was my reason

She got me to stay

And I’d give up the clouds of heaven eight hundred times in a row

For you, my darling friend.

I could die,

but I don’t care

I’m never good enough

but if I stay

just for today

we could fall in love.

I’d bring you tea

we could dance

and sleep and smile and run

but honestly

you’ve never seen

how I could be someone

So all I want

just one request

is that when I decide

to spill my blood

and leave the world

promise that you cried.

Tell a friend. A good one. Someone strong and understanding. They will help more than you think.

Work on tecniques. Meditation. Noticing the good in life, the little things, like having pancakes for breakfast or if the sky looked nice this morning.

Learn to love yourself. You are like fluid poetry. Notice every breath that moves through you. Life may be scary, but you are here because you can do it.

There are more people who love you than you can ever know or understand.