Dear Death

Dear Death,

If I'm actuall here that means that

A. I'm dead and I ended up here

B. It's a dream or better a nightmare

C. I came to make a deal with you to let my love have another chance

Maybe I always wondered how it is to talk with death!

So I prefer to believe that it's the last one. Cause I wanna tell you a few things that I may be scared or I just wanna let them out. So here it goes Mr. Death.

My life was always a crap, I was always nobody for a lot of people. I guess you can include my family as I never felt that they actually cared, especially my father cause he is always judging me about my weight and I know I am a bit fat and I'm working on that but I was hoping or at least believed that they would be by my side but I guess not! So since I had a crappy life, I was always thinking about being dead how noone would care and I was right on that. I had friends that I thought they were real but in the end they betrayed me and I never had a boyfriend cause I'm ungly so yeah....but...no....The perfect solution for me was to be dead so everyone would be happy without me. I became from a girl with emotions to a cold, lonely, scared girl who overthinks and not talking anymore cause I'm closed to myself. So mr.Death tell me why would I fight for a life if noone ever wanted me? Even my own family wanted me dead since I was a bean in my mother's belly. So yes I gave up to life, I wanted to die so hard, I even harmed myself and yet here I am still alive!

The story though has a but! You see mr.Death when I thought my life was a mess a month ago it became better I think? This sweet boy came to me and now we are together and I love him so so so much.Much more than my own life and he tries so hard to make me change all the negativity I have on me, myself and I...He is such a sweetheart and I wish this that is not a dream cause if it is, I don't wanna wake up cause I'm afraid to face reality for a second time.. He gives me a hope I need, he makes me wanna let my emotions out and be free for once and here comes the but!

But what if he just another boy who wants sex and that's it! I know a few boys in my country do that so....anyway what I'm trying to say is that I hardly trust a person so if it meant not to be with him...no I don't care about it....the thing I care about is that even now that my life is getting better, I still wanna die. I still believe that I don't deserve to be in this planet! I can't control my emotions anymore and I'm always cathing myself to wanna cry in front of everyone!

This isn't a life I wanna have. But it's happening so I have to live like that! Mr. Death if you feel like my time is over then come and get me cause I'm tired of trying change me, trying everything at all!

Yours,

the nobody.