Always and forever!
As he was reading my goodbye letter that he wrote for me, I felt peace running through my whole body as if it was a closure of all our memories and my own memories till this particular time. He held my hand and he kissed it with passion as if he knew that he was going to lose me within the night. I always felt our special bond but that? How would he know something like that was going to happen? I wondered as I looked into his brown beautiful eyes with a little smile on my face.
He then left the letter and took me in his arms. That hug I'm going to miss so damn much, his hands, his touch when I wasn't feeling good. My eyes were ready to cry but I couldn't do that, not in front of him, not when I'm trying to feel him for one last time before I close my eyes.
His hand came to my face and he moved it so I can face him. We stared for a few minuted at each other and I could tell that he now knew what was happening. His eyes were ready to go rainy but he covered it by giving me a kiss in my forehead, then my chicks and my lips. How different it felt this time, I asked myself.
- Babe are you okay? he asked me.
- I am amazing, my love and thank you for reading me the letter. << I said with a fake smile>>
- Yeah, no problem but my little princess why? << he asked and continued>> Why you wanted to do this so soon?
- Because my love I wanted to know and hear it. << I said and continued>> Because we do not know when our last is going to be and I wanted to do this a little earlier. << Said a little scared of what his reaction could be to my little lie>>
- Is there something that is going on?, Are you dying? << he asked me with a scary face and with a change of his breaths>>
- No, my love but if I ever die, I want you to know that I will still be here with you! << and continued trying to be calm>> Even if I die, I will protect you, I will guide you, I will be up there for anything you're going to need, because I love you always and forever my love. << I said as I was trying to keep my tears back.>>
Couple hours passed by and my body or better my soul started to abandon me little by little. I took his arms and went in for his warmest hug while he was sleeping. I closed my eyes and our moments went by within seconds while tears started to fall. I wasn't ready to leave but my body was telling me otherwise.
- My love, I hope one day you will forgive me for not telling you about my little cancer! You are my light, my guide, my protector, my best friend, my partner in crime, my boyfriend. My always and forever! You deserve happiness, so try and find it after a few years or now. Goodbye my love. Hail and farewell! << and so I closed my eyes and my soul left my body there laying into his arms, hoping that one day he will forgive me for not telling him. >>
Μολις χθες ησουν στα ονειρα μου
Και σημερα δεν εμφανιστηκες
Στο καθιερομενο μας ραντεβου
Ηθελα τοσα πολλα να σου πω
Κυριως ομως να σε ξανα δω
Να θυμηθω το προσωπο σου
Που τοσο αισθητα λειπει
Με αφησες τοσο γρηγορα πισω
Και εμεινα μονη σε ετουτο το κοσμο
Πες μου λοιπον πως τα περνας εκει
Ειναι τοσο ομορφα, οσο το περιεγραφες καποτε
Ξερεις εγω απλα ηθελα να σου πω
Μου λειπεις παππου!
Χρειαζομαι εκεινη την αγκαλια
Που μονο εσυ ηξερες να δινεις τοσο σφιχτα
Ηθελα ετσι να μου κρατησεις συντροφια
Να αποκοιμηθω και να ερθεις να με σκεπασεις
Για να μην κρυωσω, θυμασαι?
Μα τωρα με ζεστενεις απο εκει πανω πια
Με συγχωρεις που δεν ημουν εκει,
Την ημερα που εγινε το ασχημο γεγονος?
Για αυτο δε εμφανιζεσαι πια?
Σε χρειαζομαι παππου!
Κατεβα πια απο εκει πανω
Και ελα να μιλησουμε
Χρειαζομαι να μου πεις οτι ολα ειναι καλα.
Εισαι χαρουμενος αραγε με οτι απεγινα?
Δεν ειμαι παρα ενας μπελας
Και εσυ παντα λατρευες τις τρελες μου
Γελουσες πολυ με τα αστεια μου.
Παππου τωρα πια εισαι αγγελος
Μπορεις να πεταξεις μεχρι κατω
Να ερθεις να με αγκαλιασεις
Με τα κατασπρα και ομορφα φτερα σου?
Μην απομακρυνεσαι σε παρακαλω
Παππου μην φευγεις!
Δεν μπορω να σε αποχαιρετισω
Μεινε διπλα μου, μην φευγεις
Γιατι με αφησες παλι
Εξαφανιστηκες πριν προλαβω να σου πω
Humans we call us
Coming to this life
Born to be something
Inside the piece of a paper
Old or new
You will read me there
Take a teddy bear
Sit on your bed
And start to read
You will find questions
Thoughts about everything
Moments and memories
All of those are mine
Just take a paper
Take your finest pen
And write down
Write your stories
The ones they make you
The paper is my body
The pen is my blood
The stories are my memories
The bad shape paper is my heart
Broken and in pieces
Can't be one so you throw it away
Books represent my play room
Crime or thriller
I enjoy them a lot
Romance is my cursed spot
Once you approach me
Things go down and we split
Human we call us
But I am no human
A monster I am in reality
You can heart me
Like you heart the paper
I will handle it
You can violent me
Like you do, to the paper
I will not give up
You can love me
Like you love a good book
I will give and I'll be broke in seconds
I live through books
And yet I am not human
I am a monster
So I destroy my life
I do not love like you do
I am a disaster
Trouble some call me
And I lie bunch of times
If that makes me no monster
Then human it is
But I can't be both
So I'm trapped as a monster
Inside of a human body
You may call me Monster Human
The end of something true!
It was a dark and stormy night. I was sitting by the fire to warm my body while I was covered with a blanket and listened to my favorite music. Red glass of wine, as sweet as a chocolate bar can be and my thoughts that night was all I wanted but the tears couldn't let me enjoy any of that. It felt like I was cursed to feel sad my whole life and as much as I wanted, felt the need to scream, I didn't do it. Instead I cried my lungs out and hit my hands on the floor, as it almost seemed like I was cursing or something.
Tears now falling on the naked floor as I try to breath but it felt so hopeless. I raised my face and here I saw him, looking at me with a sad face, angry eyes and a thirsty mouth. But it was only in my imagination, he wasn't there, he would never be here with me, not anymore. No matter how much I needed him, he left to chase his own dream, his own life. And I know he left because I gave him the kiss goodbye but it didn't felt like a forever goodbye.
As crazy as I was, now I needed to stand up and go wash my face but I couldn't. It was like someone was holding me and making me stay there till I feel alright. Took my phone and I saw I had a new message but didn't feel like open it. I sat down there and I looked at the photos that I had with him. My favorite one was our first picture of our hands. The first also memory of date we created that day, the first kiss we gave, first sweet words, nicknames and the first hug. And only few hours ago, we had our last kiss, last date, last sweet talk, nicknames, and last hug I could ever give to a person that I still love and will always love with my whole body and soul and strength that left of me. Because from all those boys I met he was and will always be the one.
So hours went by and I got a call. It was his uncle, he told me that he landed safe and that his friend took him at his house and that he loves me much. I ended the call and cried again for hours.
In the mean time I finally opened the message and it was him. He texted me a last message saying how important I was in his life and that he loves me and as I continued listening to it, all of our memories passed by like a movie of seconds, all our moments and that was it. I now was on the floor, eyes closed and a body without soul. I now will be by his side, protecting and guiding him to this new life.
~ The end ~
''End'' is my favorite word because at some point everything will come to end. Life, Earth, Air, Technology, music, books, movies and the list goes on. It'd just a matter of time before the big change, the big end.
Imagine a different life,
Where love is free
And everybody gets their own forever
And a happily ever after
Like fairy tales
Where once parents used to read us
To make us feel happy rather than sad
So that we can sleep and dream our own world
I wonder if we all are a fairy tale book
Written in old dusty papers and forgotten
Till someone remember us
To clean us from our misery
To open that paper book that is called heart
And with every turn of a heart beat
Watching every single broken side of the story
Just like the puzzle, where the pieces are becoming one and the image is complete.
And with a magical way
You can invade to the following chapter
And maybe, just maybe our hearts will confuse this
So that can become one flaming heart instead of a separate chaos.
But if our alternation of course
Will suddenly come to our way
And detune us for a little
We will see each other again to that unprecedented place.
Just tell me how you want it to be made
A world full of life and happiness?
Or a world with a beautiful and a hard fortune?
After all it will be a new place where we will call it EARTH.
Our moments and memories
Will originate by us
And as for how it will evolve
It will be up to us and our feelings
Besides I speak about love
And it knows to give
To both fairy tales
And real life
Just let yourself be free
So that I can travel
To that one unique place "our forever"
The one we call love and eros.
Distance or something else?
"Hi my love"
"How are you?"
"Fine! and you?"
"Yeah I'm good"
"So I have to go cause I work. Talk to you later"
"Sure have a good work. And eat something please"
"Yes my baby girl. You too"
So I liked his last message and left our conversation there. He was on and off from time to time and I could tell that something was off. A lot of things crossed my mind while I was in my bed with no smile, no mood at all. I know him way too good and the way he responds it is not him.
So the day went by real slow, I started writing a story of mine on my page while I was waiting a text or a phone call by him but nothing. I was ready to log out from my instagram account when I saw a message and it was him.
"Hey I just finished work and I am going home. I will eat something and then I will sleep so have a good night and we will talk tomorrow. I love you" with a red heart on the side.
"Oh uhm okay. Have a good night and I will talk to you tomorrow. Me too" I wrote with a black heart on the side.
So I can't believe that he is not letting me help him or at least tell me what is bothering him. Suddenly he left me out and I know he is not okay since that phone call and the situation that ex of mine put us. He wants to destroy what I have and I need to be strong enough to throw the negativity away.
So sad from all this I just left my phone and went to sleep or cry till I feel alright, till he comes back to me.
Watch the birds
Drinking salt sea water
While the wave is approaching
Look how happy it is
It is that time of the year
People surfing to the magical waves
Doing tricks while everyone cheers
You are in the water
Trying to chill by the sound
Swimming, diving, throwing water to friends
Inside the small and strong waves of the sea
In the nights couples sitting in the sand
The sound of the calm waves they hear
Sitting, kissing, eating
In the waves of the night sea
Before they leave
Watch the waves before they leave
Let them take you in a calm journey
To the land of the quite and happy sea waves.
A circle you are
A ball we throw
A lonely place
You have a lot now
But remember when you were born?
You were just a space
You got the name Earth
But you had nothing
Only a few lines
Empty Earth you were
You were going around and around
You now have seas and trees
You still are empty
Nothing to give life
Round and round you go
Empty Earth you were
Now you have human beings
Moving inside you
But oh how empty you are
Nobody sees you
Little Earth of ours
You running in circles
We keep throwing you like a ball
We still can't see you
Empty Earth you still are
Came to give happiness
But sadness is what you take
Polluted seas and cut trees
Bombs and wars
New lines and destrotion
Empty Earth of ours
You are now invisible
Thrown to a big hole
Losing someone it takes time to heal. But you have memories, you have pictures and cool presents by him/her. Week by week you will stop crying, you will realize that life goes on but you know you will never forget him/her because you have things to remember and that is all you need.
If you feel like everything's falling apart then talk to him/her. Yes it is a crazy thing to do but if it makes you feel better then talk to the air, believe or pretend he/she is right next to you and say how is your life or day or week.
Try to write a letter for 365 days. A whole year write him/her letters and let yourself to express how it feels and other things. It helps a little bit and it stays forever with you and you can do it for as long as you feel like want to do it.
Go for a walk, talk to your closest friends and the ones you most trust, go out with them, try to achieve every little promise you gave to the person you lost and look up into the sky and say "hey I did it" and "I hope you are proud about me".
After a while things will come back and your routine will be the same. It will take time but remember that he/she is up there protecting you and making you decide or choose right or help you with any problem. Also he/she will be forever in your heart.