... and you won’t see it coming.

You thought you were smart,

but you aren’t.

You believed yourself untouchable,

but you aren’t.

You have used and abused too many people,

but no longer.

No ... no longer will you feed

off all those who trusted you.

Come day or night,

you won’t see it coming.

But I will.

i spent my entire childhood sitting by the curbside wistfully looking at the empty alleyway waiting and waiting and waiting without end a flame of hope igniting in my chest every morning flickering throughout every day and extinguishing every night over and over and over again innocence blinding me from the cold truth as my stubborn heart believed in you in us in a family in love

i remember your soft lullabies as you soothed me to sleep each night promising me that there are no monsters under my bed or hiding in the closet and that as long as the sun rises the next day that the nightmares will not do me harm and i remember your warm hugs which seemed to light up my dark lonely world filling the hole in my heart with love hope faith friendship and i remember your words to me as i sat on that very curbside and you turned and walked down the empty alleyway not once looking back to blow kiss me goodbye like you usually do when you go to the grocery store or to work or to the park or just about anywhere

im coming back for you soon i promise pinky promise

i tremble under the covers of my bed each night scared of the monsters under my bed and hiding in the closet and the nightmares which you said would never hurt me as long as the sun rises the next day because you are my sun and knowing that you will no longer wrap your arms around me to wake me up makes the nightmares all the more horrifying and i dont let anybody near me much less hug me now leaving me sulking in the shadows of my dark lonely world the hole in my heart getting deeper and deeper and deeper with each passing day void of love hope faith friendship and i still treasure the words you told me when you left me that day because they were the last words you told me and will be until you come walking down this empty alleyway and hug me again

promises cant be broken especially pinky promises thats what my young soul told me every time the slightest wisp of a thought occurred that maybe just maybe you would never come back and i glued my bottom to the curbside and waited and waited and waited without end a flame of hope igniting in my chest every morning flickering throughout every day and extinguishing every night over and over and over again innocence blinding me from the cold truth as my stubborn heart believed in you in us in a family in love

i spent my entire childhood sitting by the curbside and i still do the flame of hope in my chest igniting smaller and smaller with each day but still there because i know i know i know that one day youll come back

you have to

you pinky promised to

A tear fell into Myleana’s lap as the man that took her mother away took his last labored breath. The man's cold gaze had watched her relentlessly for the entire execution, but seeing those eyes glaze over, then be closed forever sent chills up her spine. She felt the small hand of the little kid next to her.

"I want to leave," Myleana whispered.

The kid nodded, and they walked out of the room, down a corridor, and out the doors. The cold, damp, July air wrapped around Myleana and goosebumps erupted on her skin. Tears were still falling, and the wind was blowing them around Myleana's face. She had wanted to go to see the execution a few weeks ago, to look into the soulless eyes of the man who stole her mother and sibling away from her, but her aunt had discouraged her from going. Now that she had seen it, her heart was in her shoes and she just wanted to go to her room and cry.

"Why'd she help him?" she whispered softly to the wind. "Why would she kill her own sister?"

"I can show you," the little kid said.

A taxi suddenly stopped at the curb, and the two got in. The taxi drove quickly, leaving the blue night behind them and speeding into a hot summer day. Myleana marveled as the pulled up to Tiya Florabel's house. The kid gave the silhouetted driver a coin and the two stepped out. Tiya Ciela was lying in the grass with her two sons, now twenty years younger, gazing at the clouds. It had been years since Myleana had seen her and she had to take a moment to look at her again. Tiya Ciela looked so happy before the loss of her youngest sister had turned her bitter. The kid ushered Myleana along into the warm house.

Myleana's heart leaped into her chest. Her mother was sitting on the floor of the living room with a smiling baby. It had been years since she had even seen a picture of her. She was a small woman with dark skin and dark hair. She was wearing the turquoise shirt she had been wearing when she was killed and shorts. The woman's happy eyes were too focused on her young baby, who was fixated on the pair that walked in, to notice anything unusual. Tiya Florabel was behind her, so much younger now, trying to get the attention of her niece. Tears were once again welling in Myleana's eyes.

"Mylee!" Tiya Florabel was calling.

"She doesn't want you," her mother was teasing.

"Don't be jealous, Hazelle!" Tiya Florabel teased.

Drigo, the oldest of Tiya Florabel's children came into the room. "Inay! There's someone on the phone for you."

Hazelle winked at her sister who rolled her eyes. Tiya Florabel walked into the kitchen and picked up the phone. She answered casually, but as soon as the voice replied, the young woman became clearly nervous.

"Oh, hi," she'd muttered. "Yes, she's here. No, she doesn't want to talk about it. I can't. It's not my business. No. No, I don-- Okay. Okay! I'll try."

Tiya Florabel hung up the phone and excused herself to another room. The kid pulled Myleana up the stairs behind Tiya Florabel and the pair slipped in before she slammed the door. As soon as the door was closed, Tiya Florabel sank to the floor and began to sob uncontrollably.

"What happened?"

"He told her to ask about me," the kid explained. "They had been friends before he and your mother met, and she was in love with him even though he wasn't good to her. Did you notice the bruise on her arm?"

Myleana thought back to her aunt clutching the phone. Her hand was always covering her left arm, which looked as if she'd been hit with a basketball.

"He hit her?"

"Yeah. It wasn't the first time. She just figured it was the drugs. That was why she kept answering his phone calls. She was always afraid it was going to be his daughter trying to get help because he overdosed again."

"Oh."

There was a knock at the door. Tiya Florabel pulled herself together enough to ask who it was. Hazelle answered with the cooing of baby Myleana in the background.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," Tiya Florabel said. She was doing her best to keep her voice from cracking. "I'll be out in a minute."

Tiya Florabel roughly wiped her tears with a blanket, pulled a jacket over her arms, and walked out of her dark bedroom to greet her younger sister.

"Why the jacket?" the pair heard Hazelle ask. "It's 80 degrees!"

"I was cold," Tiya Florabel said softly.

"So, he made her help him."

"He tried. She resisted as best she could but he made himself overdose again and she thought it wouldn't escalate. She called the police and told them the plot and everything, though she knew he could hurt her if he ended up not getting caught. Unfortunately, they got there too late. Mama had already been shot and the kidnappers were trying to take her to the hospital and take care of you when we died."

"I'm sorry."

The kid shrugged. "I've made my peace with it. I was sacrificed so you could have a life. She got to have me and watch us both grow. I just came in the most innocent form so you wouldn't fall in love with me." The kid winked. "If you had died, she would have too and none of us would be here. It's for the best, honestly."

"So, you aren't angry at him?"

"No. I was born in a good place. I got to grow up and make friends and live just like you. I got to see you grow up. We got to help you through the bad times and congratulate you through the good."

"Thanks, um..."

"Luz. That's what I grew up as. Mama liked it."

"What happens now?"

"You wake up and hug Tiya Florabel and apologize for what you said. It wasn't her fault."

Myleana smiled, hugged her little sibling for the last time, and fell out onto the floor. She opened her eyes to feel tears falling on her arm. A hand was on her shoulder, and she heard soft praying in Filipino. Her aunt was beside her, weeping. Drigo and his girlfriend, his little sister and her son, and his older brother and his daughters were on the other side of the bed. At the sight of her niece's pupils, Tiya Florabel clutched her heart and threw her free arm around her niece.

"I'm so sorry. I lost your mom and your little brother or sister but I will never want to lose you too."

"It's okay," Myleana said hoarsely. "I'm okay. Honest."

"Please, don't ever scare me again. I can't lose anyone else."

Myleana wrapped her arms around her aunt, though it caused pain to shoot up her sides, and kissed her forehead. "I promise I won't do that ever again."

Greasy streetlights

at night

(in an induced haze

she is awake) -

Striking a match

for a cigarette and

burning down this

imposturous

concrete mass

Striking up a

conversation with

some big head

Striking a pose

next to the mess she

made on the

boardwalk’s edge

Lustful and full

of wanderlust

this time of summer

This time of night

bleary eyed near

where he will never be

She came for all the wrong reasons

completely

I’m coming for you

For everyone who hurt her or called her names

For everyone who shamed her for her weight

For everyone who made her feel unworthy

For everyone who ever did her dirty

I’m coming for you

I will put you in your place

For the fires will always roar over your graves

~ sincerely the judge of your past mistakes