Sunny days ahead
“No” I yelled loudly, while watching the hexagon beehive wooden bookshelf tilting backward, slowly falling down, with everything on it, falling off… in slow motion... The kittens are getting bigger, more robust, a gang of rambunctious defiant teenagers, refusing to follow any of my self-imposed rules. And here we go, another catastrophe right in front my eyeballs… I’m just here observing it happening, all objects on the shelf slowly gliding down as the ice glacier slowing cascading downward, with a hopeless certainty of direction and unstoppable inertia of a momentum.
My loud “No” piercing through the air, through everybody’s eardrums, all six cats were all shocked at such disharmonious sound in the early morning, even me myself was shocked to my own deafening high-pitch loud human voice… For five solid seconds, everyone stopped moving…
Then, the dribbling sound from the automatic cat feeder kicked in, as if suddenly being reminded of something more important to do, all the cats jumped away to the food feeder’s room. Leaving me behind, still frozen, gazing at the very mess of myself, the commotion within myself… Robotically organizing and cleaning the battlefield that was masterly done by some ingenious mess-creators.. And my earlier command of “No” just faded away like dust in the wind… I was left behind, stuck at my own self-inflicted structure of a refusal word “No”… and some inner struggles to accept the reality, of a household of six cats, some inner resistance to accept the very fact that I am already a bona fide Cat Lady, whether by choice or being imposed upon by a baby-making machine a Mama-kitty…
What’s the loud engine noise? I turned around: The freezer door is left open again. All night long, since the previous afternoon, when David took out the ice cream from the freezer… Of course, he forgot to double check the freezer door again… In a hot summer day like this, after 20 some hours left unattended, everything is already soggy and melting down… a soapy pile of mess in the freezer…
The loud raging refusal word “no” sirening up and echoing again, loud and clear, inwardly inside my head…. This time is to reject the fact of a roommate, who does not have a full solid concept of how to take good care of the household around… or even worse: what is the concept of household maintenance. anyway!?…
Or a similar refusal voice to face the dilemma, the atmosphere of this very apartment, that was fueled up with flees… Or that was just my own fear and trivia minor emotions that were so easily being stirred up, roused up and magnified by gazillion tiny reminders that are incessantly gnawing on my nerves and gorging up my every existence…
Or that is just another a reminder reminding myself a lack of an introspective angle, take a different angle to heed, a reminder to just be… with the present moment, and just quietly observing the world through a smaller scale, microscope sort of spectacle:
“In a sparkling sunny day, a tiny flee or tiny bee taking a stroll… in the field of sunflower… just wondering and cruising around… carrying a small basket, collecting a jar full of sweet honey… In the field of gold… “
I am blessed, just swarming across a field of golden sunflowers, weaving through the fertile land of sweet and fragrant sensations, at this very beautiful moment… moment of beauty, learning how to stay attuned.
It is a true blessing to have a roof over my head, and a full household of creatures, bursting exuberant energies, unconditional compassions, and so much love.