Whoops your shoelace is undone.

Hey hey hey it wasn't me was it? Say again? You shoelace isn't really undone? Well that is curious...

You have something on your shirt. Yep right there in the middle. Go one just look down you will be able to see it. What do you mean "I am not an idiot"? I can literally see it, look it is right there! Do I promise to not flick your face when you look down? Of course...

Hey hey hey it wasn't me was it? Say again? How could you have seen it was me? You were looking down at your shirt. Ok it was me, or maybe it wasn't - you were looking down so you will never know.

It says "gullible" on the ceiling. Why does it say "gullible" on the ceiling? How on earth am I supposed to know? I can however tell you for a fact that it says "gullible" on the ceiling. I know you are not gullible. Yes I know you don't fall easily for things. Yes I know you want me to stop with these "games", however they are not games... it really does say "gullible" on the ceiling!

See... I told you it said "gullible" on the ceiling. Your trust in my is restored? Excellent I was just about to... hold on a second, why did you ever doubt me?

I what? Play to much? I am not sure what you mean? I have an insatiable desire to annoy you? Well I can't see I have heard that before. I am meeting your eyeline. What do you mean? No I am looking you straight in the eye, I am not staring at your forehead. Hey hey hey no need to get up all in my face like that!

You have something in your teeth.

We are all ugly pineapple who wish to one day become the majestic potato, but will never reach potato greatness. With the beautiful yellow that is the pineapple, how can the potato stand a chance? Once you look beyond the dirt cover and the dull colors, you will see that the potato has more to offer than the pineapple. Strive to be the potato

He entered the casino. There was jazz music playing as he leaned low over the corpse. “Dead” he said “Pitiful. She was such a beauty”. He lowered his hat and turned to the exotic waitress “Did you see what happened?”

“No! I had no idea! The police told me she had a knife wound! I’m so scared now!”

The detective raised his head and looked at her “Don’t worry little lady. If I don’t find out who killed her, my name isn’t Sherlok Homes!”

“Sherlok Homes?” his partner said

The detective looked up “Yes. Because copyright.”

“Are you even writing about the crime?”

They were at a tiny dilapidated bar. An old man of 80 was lying on the floor.

“I mean, does it even matter?” He pointed to a bald man. “THE BARTENDER DID IT.”

“I told you, I was literally with you the entire night.” the bartender replied

“Oh. Right. Or maybe you hired A BODY DOUBLE!” he pointed again

His partner replied “Shouldn’t we look at the crime scene to determine if it was a murder?”

“Hm yes. I suppose so, Wason”

“Wason?”

“Yes because Watson is copyrighted keep up”

“My name is Bob”

“No. Your name is Wason. Now go get me a sandwich, Wason”

“There’s a dead body in the room”

“Why did I even hire you?”

“You didn’t hire me. You’re literally assigned to me.”

The detective twisted his hands through his hair “You’re annoying, Wason. Lucky for you, I have a sandwich in my bag” He drew out his lumpy sandwich “I was just testing you.”

“Sure. Do you want to go look at the body?”

“Yes” the detective drew out his sandwich “Layout the details of the case WASON!”

Bob/Wason started narrating the details of the case.“80 year old man felt dizzy and passed out at the bar last night. Nearby customer checked the pulse and called 911 immediately. Was found dead before the emergency crew could reach him. Autopsy is yet to come in but its most likely natural causes”

“IT WAS THE BARTENDER”

“I told you. I was with you. Do you not remember me serving you drinks?”

“I feel as if you mentioned this to me before as well. Wason, do you remember seeing this man?”

“Yes” Wason replied clenching his jaw

“Fair enough” The detective chomped the sandwich “Odd how his body fit directly into the chalk outline”

Wason didn’t reply. He was cursing under his breath “I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him”

“So who do you suspect Wason?” the detective chewed on the sandwich and the ketchup dripped onto the body. “Oops didn’t mean to do that.”

Wason couldn’t take it. He burst “IT WAS ME OKAY!? I KILLED HIM. I HAD PLANNED THE PERFECT MURDER BUT NOOOOO YOU JUST HAD TO COME IN AND RUIN EVERYTHING AND ANNOY ME. I WISH I HAD KILLED YOU INSTEAD.”

The detective replied with “Really? Because” he whispered “I still think it’s the bartender.”