Silence is golden
Right now I hear the blower on the gas fireplace. Such a sound, any constant sound soothes me and does not distract me. The sound of the dryer in the background has the same effect upon me, our refrigerator not so much because it is not constant, anything but, and I coulda shoulda read the reviews. "So loud." One review even called it "an obnoxious musical disaster." I agree. Unfortunately I read the reviews after my purchase. It was on sale. Love a sale. Luckily the refrigerator is far enough away from my bedroom, otherwise I might be tempted during my sleepless nights to blame my insomnia on its preordained misbehavior. Being around my refrigerator reminds me of being at one of my kids first year strings concerto; not good, but you have to be there when it's your kids recital, looking towards the stage with pride, occasionally looking towards another parent with a "we gotta be here" shrug. You can't leave and you accept your fate in the moment as is the case when I am near my refrigerator when it is acting all bitchy. Regarding a sleepless night, I do realize lack of sleep is due to my own mental state, my "me and my story" being out of sync, but isn't it convenient to place the blame elsewhere?
Since I am in gripe mode and you asked "what do you hear," my all time auditory pet peeve is being forced to listen to music when I am seeking silence. Anywhere. At the beach, in the park, but especially in my own back yard, my sanctuary. I cannot write, I cannot read with music playing in the background at all. I do not know if this means I just have control issues, or some type of sensory impairment, or one of the seven types of ADD, because when I went to school things were simple. Look at the blackboard, here are your books, listen to your teacher. Do your homework. Boom. Reports cards come. Have them signed. Returned. Boom. That was it. Classifications? No such thing in my day. So what if I sound ancient. A leopard has spots.
I picked up these earplugs at Wal-Mart. They are foam. They are disposable and they pretty much do the trick when my neighbor is in blast the country music mode but I find myself still distracted once I pop them in by his audacity when personal earbuds are such a thing, especially when I've been candid with him that I adore the outdoors and silence. But hey. I do realize it's a free country, with free airspace and he has the right to do what he wants on his property. But do I have to like it?
So what do I hear? Fortunately, nothing right now that gets my dander up. Are you sorry you asked?
I hear the silence of the night
when all those around me sleep.
There’s a slowing of the world,
a stopping of the race,
and all the noise makers cease.
I hear the silent air of the night,
when quiet dreams have their say.
It all stands still, the tread wheel halts
a peaceful hush...
before the tumult of the day.
it sounds soft and warm. the headphones have been digging into my ears far too long, and the pain contrasts the noise that surrounds it. dissonance in the low bass. the vibrations, the fingerprints on string. click of ivory on mahogany. white. brown. white. brown. fuzzy beats, tingling accents, and the empty silence behind it all. I find the silence. it becomes music of its own, between the blanket of quiet passion. the song ends, and the sound of a tired battery wakes me from my pleasant dream.
It’s 9:54 in the morning. Nothing stirs, neither in the house nor out. Yet, if I listen close enough there is a ticking noise.
No clockwork device adorns the walls or shelves; all our timepieces are electronic. But still the rhythmic da-dun, da-dun persists.
Could it be the pulse in my ears? I am no stranger to that thrum-thrumming beat, which is why I know my heartbeat is not the sound I now hear.
The noise is regular, sharp. It signifies the counting down of time, of that I am sure. It repeats as steadily as a pendulum swings, each arc carving the future into minute slivers of the present. The past is nothing more than millions of these sliced moments, stored in the mind to be rejoiced, feared or (worse?) forgotten.
But this lyrical waxing does not bring me closer to an answer - what is that sound?
Now I am imagining a grandfather clock, it’s long pendulum an axe attacking time. I think I may have read of such a thing an a Pratchett novel, possibly Mort. It seems a fitting timepiece for the abode of Death.
It that what I can hear? My very own clock in Death’s house, ticking away the seconds of my life?
As frightful as that thought may be, I suppose I should be thankful that I can hear it. While ever the clock ticks, my life continues. A far scarier prospect would be the silencing of that clock, for it could only signify one thing.
As you sit across the room, I see you silent & still, yet I hear your pain as if it were screaming for relief.
My heart beats into my breast, against my arm.
The unsaid thoughts fall flat.
The bed squeaks before the quiet hangs across the room again.
I hear the warm air
Pushing down the cold
I hear the
Of South Street
On Sunday morning
I hear the
Of my youngest
The flood of tears
Behind my eyelids
My mind reprimanding me
For this folly
I hear my heart
Section by section
I hear my heart
To weather the storm
I hear my fingers
The first of many
Sure to come
Now I hear
The tears dropping
Onto my comforter
I hear my comforter
To snuggle back in
And feel its warmth
I hear my heart
"But he was my comforter!"
I hear my mind
A ticking clock.
I didn't notice it much until I stopped to listen.
And when I listened it got loud, unbearably loud.
So loud that I thought I could never drown it out. So loud that I wanted to leave this desk, or rip it off the wall.
But then I started to write, and it got quieter. Tick-tocking away like a metronome, holding the beat as I typed, holding the rhythm and the pace.
i hear an impenetrable loneliness
and an improbable deafness
on frequencies too
high pitched to process
we are never far from
something that will
capture our attention
and when it does
we are indebted
because we listened
rain pouring within
so quiet world with
of the sleeping
Why am I awake?
Why am I here?