Dear Christian God:

I would like to extend my appreciation for your filling out this questionnaire. Matters of religious belief being so confusing, I am optimistic that your responses can provide some clarity for myself and others as we decide who is worthy to be Followed™. Please be advised, though, that Dionysus has already returned his survey, and it is sweet.

1. Leviticus declares the eating of shrimp to be an abomination. Given You and Your Son’s coeternal existence, omniscience, and direct communication through the prophets, why did Leviticus not also inveigh against American cheese?

2. We have had more than a half century of Adam Sandler (for which we are grateful), but could you really not have given us five more years of Keats? WTF, Lord.

3. I’m aware that #2 isn’t really a question, but you are welcome to comment (not that I expect you can have anything to say).

4. Suppose I leave instructions for my funeral indicating that my favorite verse is the King James Version of 1 Kings 21:21, but my only purpose for doing so is to troll whatever preacher gets dredged up to preside and has to discuss it. Is that bad?

5. …and would that be more or less objectionable than requesting someone play a pipe organ arrangement of Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up”?

6. Who would my grandmother have been if her mother and twin had not died?

7. You’ve had your softballs. Herlitz Junctional Epidermolysis Bullosa: how can you do it?

8. Too hard? Here’s an Annie Dillard passage that @TomJonas shared with me that I’ve never been able to forget.

At the Sea of Galilee, I saw a man splitting wood. He was a distant figure in silhouette across the water and I heard a wrong ring. He raised his maul and it clanged at the top of the rise. I heard it ring just as its head hit the sky, and in silence, it hit the wood. Absorbed on the ground, skilled and sure, the stick figure was clobbering the heavens.

I saw a beached red dory. I could take the red dory, row out to the guy, and say: Sir. You have found a place where the sky dips close. May I borrow your maul? Your maul and your wedge? Because, I thought, I too could hammer the sky—crack it at one blow, split it at the next—and inquire, hollering at God the compassionate, the all-merciful, what’s with the bird-headed dwarfs?”

Discuss.

9. I have tried; I have prayed that You know I tried. When have I failed without knowing it?

10. When Franco Harris galloped down the sideline and somehow caught the ball in the 1972 AFC Divisional Playoff Game, had it deflected off of Jack Tatum or Frenchy Fuqua?

11. Are you a Led Zeppelin fan?

a. If yes, did you give John Bonham and road manager Richard Cole a pass for the mud shark thing?

b. If no, can you and I still burn one and listen to Houses of the Holy?

12. You’re cool with satire, right?

Why did you send me here? would it not have been better if I was just aome soil in heaven?

Whatever... I dont need you to answer those qusetions.

Just one more thing... rise shall you rise, leave shall you leave, enter shall you enter, but let me be me, don’t decide my fate, for I don’t need fate to ‘help’ me, but just only the help of those who love me.

Preserve all who can love and trust, God!

I meant... Father!

Amen!

I want to begin this letter by saying “Thank You.” Thank You for making me special; for loving me and accepting me the way (and for who) I am even when nobody else does. Thank you for the family and pets You have given me, for the past 16 years of life, and for keeping me healthy and strong. Thank You for salvation through the sacrifice of Your only Son, Yeshua Jesus, and for the pouring out of Your Holy Spirit.

I know that my life hasn’t been easy – I’ve been hurt, offended, and backstabbed – but life isn’t easy; on the contrary, life is dangerous, hard, and painful. I thank You for the good times, but I equally give You thanks for the hard times as well – they help build my faith, trust, boldness, courage, and character. I know that I need to keep fighting the good fight of faith – persevere through the hard times. A warrior isn’t called a warrior without properly gaining the title. Thank You for the crown of glory that You promise all those of (Your people) who persevere.

I wish that I could hug You, Abba, but I know that I must wait ’till You call me home with You. In the meantime, help me live a life that pleases You. I will do anything just to hear You say “Well done, my good and faithful servant,” when You welcome me home.

With Love,

Janellie Yahkeved Galecki

Dear God,

If the sky opens up and nothing comes down, are you opening your mouth to speak to us? When we see a rainbow, and not everyone can see it, are you saying something that only the blessed can hear?

I think we are all God’s children. I only, however, believe in you in the most spiritual sense. I feel the sun on my cheeks and that is a divine priviledge, but this could also be because the Big Bang created what I am experiencing. In my boyfriend’s high school science class at his Christian school, they told him evolution is a theory. I don’t think it is. I called him “Jesus Thirst” in my phone for a while before we got serious, because he had experienced school dances where you had to keep Jesus between you and your dance partner.

I think we see what some people would consider to be blessings, and attribute this to a higher power. People say, it was meant to be. But it’s not. It’s merely happenstance. The apple fell from the tree to tempt us, but the universe only really reacts to the science behind it. We thirst for meaning in what is actually just what exists: nothing out of the ordinary, nothing extraordinary. We put away our desire to be special and nod to the reality of our random existence on earth.

Some people, however, nod to you. I do not fault them for this. It is a calming experience to feel like someone is controlling your fate, perhaps. That someone is choosing your path for a reason, and you must accept it for what it is. There’s nothing wrong with this. Comfort is important. I’m merely saying that this is not the path I choose to follow. On reckoning day, I will surely go to the pits of hell. I will experience everything I’ve done wrong in flames. I am okay with this, like how I ponder black holes and wonder when we’ll be sucked in.

God, I am happy as I am. If you have any part of this, I thank you. I have been lucky, blessed with a good fate. Perhaps this is divine, and perhaps it is not. Perhaps I see rainbows only because you have placed a sign in my life: beauty is divine.

Perhaps it is.

I look at the stars and wonder about my place in the universe, and I look up to whoever has placed me here.

I'm unsure if this will reach you because I'm not quite convinced you exist.

But if you did exist, I wonder if you knew what was going to happen?

Did you know how dark it was for me?

Were you looking after those who had it darker?

Did you hear me when I gave benefit of the doubt and asked for help?

Did you know I was going to pull through?

Or did you think that perhaps I wasn't in enough danger to require help?

I like to think that if a savior doesn't arrive, it isn't bad enough.

But I felt bad enough to me.

I needed to drag myself back by myself.

Because I chose to do it.

I wasn't visited by you or one of your angels.

I dragged myself out.

Because the all mighty God didn't reply when I gave benefit of the doubt.

Throughout my life I have been known to mess up, make bad decisions and disappoint you. I have hurt people and inflicted pain on others because I was heart.

Yet, you remain by my side. You continue to use me. You continue to forgive me. You continue to carry me in times I cannot even crawl. You wake me each morning.

Your love is unconditional and all I can do is hope to oneday be able to be as you.

Even though my darkest hour you see the best in me. You keep me strong and grounded.

Thank you for never leaving my side. Thank you God for changing my heart and teaching me to forgive. Thank you for blessing me even though I did not deserve it. Lastly, thank you for reminding all the good you have done in my life on the days I cannot see the light.

Dear reader,

You have some serious explaining to do. That little vanishing act of yours, might work with some, but won't get you anywhere with me. I think its time you come for a home visit because your moral compass is skewed, from my experience at least. I wonder, is everything going to plan?

They say you can be (all knowing) omniscient and omnipotent (all powerful), I hope they're wrong, because otherwise your a real piece of work. All the good ones are the first to be taken and the little shits live forever, justice is just another game for the rich, and freedom was a trinket you gave us.

If this message makes its way to you,

I'd like to say, you seriously need to change your act.

@ 1912writer

I cry sometimes & wonder why I’m here I ask God about it as He’s dries my tears

I wake up at night with no one to hold wondering if this is what it’ll be like when I get old?

I never thought about what my choices would bring,

Now I realize they’re why I lost my ring.

I’m asking You now; is that what I did?

Are they the reason I don’t have a kid?

Please tell me ! Explain! Was I really that wild? I feel old & I really needed a child!

He quickly answers: I disagree, a parent? With a child? No that wasn’t to be.

The life you led was completely out of control

You didn’t need something you couldn’t console

Remember the joys & all the passions you felt

Plus your writing and craft skills those were the cards you were dealt

I’m not going to show you the future or let you reason with the whys

I always give gifts that money can’t buy

Believe and have faith. Trust me you’ll see

& don’t doubt you’re alone; you always have Me

By the way...you’re not old He says with a smile

I'm still in control...just give Me awhile

Dear God,

How are you? How’s Heaven up there? It definitely must be better than here, I know it. I wish I could be with you, dancing and singing to you in your presence, with a heart so flawless. When can you take me? I know you know when you should call me to your kingdom, but honestly, I think I’m here kind of a little too long. This world isn’t getting any better: riots, protests, fraud in politics, fights, and people are now destroying our ecosystem, the very creation you, in your immense wisdom, created! This is very upsetting!! Please, God, come very soon!!! I need you as a fish needs the water, and I yearn to behold you face-to-face.

You are always with me through thick and thin, you were with me through my darkest times, you forgave me, you embraced me, sanctified, redeemed, and set me apart, and chose me to be holy for you. There is nothing I will do, nowhere I shall go to run from you. You know me more than I know myself. I was made in your image and I want to be just like you. I love you and need you more than anything or anyone in this universe. I don’t want to leave your presence. Take and hold my hand and never let me go. You showed your love for me when you sent your Beloved Son, Yeshua (Jesus), to pay the price of dying on the tree and released me from the chains of slavery. Now I am free, and I have chosen to follow in your footsteps.

I am on my way to the Celestial City, where you are King. How I long to be with you and run into your arms and say, “I have longed for this day when I’d see you face to face, and my prayer has come true.” Lord of the world, Lord of Honor and Glory, and Lord of my life, hear my plea and make it come to pass. I yearn for the day when I shall have no pain or sorrow, when I walk on the golden streets and walk into the mansion you have prepared for me and see the crown and the stone that has my new name on it awaiting me. I bow at your feet in humility and ask that you come and take me with you.

Your precious daughter,

Janice Galecki