Our existence is written in the stars

or so they say

it seems you can search for answers

with abandonment anywhere

for myself

I've learned to tell fortunes

from the swirls atop boxed chocolates

before popping fine destiny in my mouth

really

I try anything

as long as if keeps me

from having to look at the person

in my mirror.

Hanging in a row

Along the mantle

on hooks of gold

Stockings knitted

of finest wool.

Children peeping from

stairs above

Parents peeking from

the breakfast nook

Wide eyed wonder

Christmas tree tinsel

Sparkling glass ornament

Gold stars of light

Santa Claus confirms

the existence of love

as bright paper wrappings

Fly from books, toys, and sweaters

Abandonment of decorum

Joy, giggles, laughter

Papa hugs Mama

Brothers wrestle and roll

The stockings are last

Sweet treats, small treasures

Carried to chairs

and then to their rooms

Lingering reminders

Oranges, dark chocolate

Hard peppermint candy

Soft chewy toffee

And the mirrors watch

a myriad of reflection

as Christmas fades into

New Year and a journey

of hope

I start at the top of the stairs and everything is fine. Normal. Nothing out of the ordinary, but for some reason my feet don’t understand where we are. They over step their required space of operations. Alarms blare and my gut gets the memo before my brain does.

My leg flies out in front of me and because of this sudden movement my other leg collapses and follows suit. My right hip slams the edge of the step and my hands are waving like they just don’t care.

An involuntary “OPE!” escapes my lips followed by a series of “ACK!” and “EEK!” as I slip and tumble in the most convoluted contortions that, in any other scenario, might be cause for concern.

My head, still trying to figure out what is happening, makes nice with the railing while my hands are still trying to find it. My elbow finds the wall and the force is enough to shift my position so I am now falling tail over teakettle over my own shoulders.

As my legs flail in the air, one catches the railing and the other swings around like a tether ball. Spinning around again my hand finally finds the railing and…why did I let go?

Because my mind still hasn’t realized something is wrong. Its totally blank as I do another flip and land spectacularly on the landing. The world teeters slightly and I only then realize that I hurt.

Doing a quick check to make sure nothing is broken, I laugh slightly and stand up. Brushing myself off I take a few deep breaths and bless the fact that no one saw.

I turn the corner to continue down the second flight of stairs and then remember I left my keys upstairs. Mumbling to myself that I may as well be institutionalized, I make my way back up the stairs I had just cleverly descended.

Only my feet, again, forgot how high the steps are.

My left foot catches the seventh step, and true to the chain of command, the information stops at the heart in my throat.

My knees skin the edge of the steps while my hands try to figure out weather they should cover and protect my face or look for the railing. The result being that the hand furthest away from the railing starts to look for a handhold and the other hand covers my face.

As I slide back down the stairs, I hold my breath as if that was going to help in some way.

Then I just stay there. Face down on the stairs.

And my mind finally gets the memo: “Hey, I’m falling.”

existence is all about

abandonment

even the stars fade

when the sun rises,

leaving you alone

in your house of mirrors.

everything is fleeting,

that's the one rule that will always stay,

but don't see it as doom,

see it as hope for a new day.

if at any moment it could all go away,

keep watching the stars,

savor them like chocolate

before they go away.

I stopped going to school about a month ago. It was too much for me. The day I ran away, I stayed at my friend's house. After a week, I decided it would be best not to bother them too much. I stayed on the streets after that. When you eventually found me, I was forced to go back home. The home I adored so much, yet now, I despised.

He was the only one who understood, the only one who cared.

The day he said he was leaving was a heartbreaking day. Perhaps, one of the hardest days of my life. I thought he would be someone who would never lie. I regret lashing out that day. At all of you. I didn't think I'd be this pathetic after he left. He promised me he would never lie, so why now? He's gone now so it doesn't matter. The hallways where we first met seem so lively, yet feel so lonely. I can't bear it.

Why didn't he tell me he was sick?

Why did he leave me?

Why did he lie?

I hate him.

Dear mom, dad, and anyone else who comes upon this:

I'm sorry.

It sat there, looking at me. Glass dirty and large. "Boo!" "AHHHHH!!" I screamed. A mirror shouldn't be able to talk. "You wanna help me or are you just going to stand there?" The mirror stood on it's legs. Walking away I saw myself in his back. A tall, chocolate, figure standing at 5'2 and as thick as Cardi B. I laughed.