Like a fly upon the wall

my status far from clear,

a-waiting an a-whistled call

with anxious, pinned-back ears;

the chance to walk, or fetch a ball,

small things that so endeared-

me to your heart, God-damn it all

have all but disappeared.

Invisible, dismissible, impalpably I crawl,

wishing somehow you might hear,

perceiving my paw-fall.

And pat this head, or drop a tear -

for friendship unresolved.

She is beautiful.

The kind you can't describe.

Hidden but still translucent.

But as I said, she hides.

She is honest.

But she lied a lot.

Now she stays still.

Moving around a lot.

She is guarded,

But she would tell you everything.

She is haunted

But she is as trapped as me.

I am depression.

Always there

waiting

for you to let me in

and then take you over

paralyzing your logic optimism faith

those defenses

to overcome me.

Give me a minute

and I'll devour your mind.

That lamp doesn't belong there,

And that colour, well, it is vile.

I can't stand those curtains, these cushions or that couch,

Really, have you no sense of style?

I scream at you until I am blue in my see-through face,

Yet you do not hear me, nor do you see.

For goodness sakes, woman,

It looks like the inside of a pea.

What have you done?

Where is the palace I once kept so shiny, so pristine?

What on earth possessed you to pick this odious green?

And it's not just the house, is it?

How often must I watch you weep?

So desperate, so sad,

So many nights do you cry yourself to sleep.

But what do you know of true loneliness?

God, to trade places, what I wouldn't give.

To have what you have,

To get to live!

Alas, I am stuck with you,

And though you may not know it, you with me.

And together we shall live out our lonely days on the inside of a pea.

You fear me in the dark

Yet I see you all day

Simply watching

As time passes away

Why I'm here

I do not know

Forced to stay

As others come and go

In gentle shadow

You've seen me before

And for a moment you wonder

Then choose to ignore

I wish you could hear me

The same as I hear you

So lonely both we are

Questioning what fate holds true

How nice it would be

To have just one friend

It seems we both need comfort

A hand I wish to lend

I feel your laughter

I see your bitter tears

So much I've wished to tell you

Over long and lonely years

Alone and together

We may always be

Dragonflies in amber

Of fate's irony

I drifted with you

Followed you

I miss you

Now life is gone

Walls are nothing

I know it now

We build them solid

But why?

From hospital to

Long term care

You knew I

was there.

I was angry to be

Gone

Deserting you like

I did

You needed me

I chickened out

Pain drove me

Beyond consideration

It's been years now

And I approve

Of the life you live

of what you give

Strong you are

Kind as always

Write on my love

Words are king

Here I am

a lingering presence

you seem to always see me

in a way that no one else does

your pitiful eyes look up

and your hand waves to say hi

and I wonder if you sometimes wish that you too could fly

i invite you too come up here

please stay for a while

i have become lonely

for people only scream when I come by

some see me as a monster

but you see right through my mask

so here please step right up

i offer you my hand

I was never ready to leave, so should I?

I still hear echoes from the nursery,

Where my newest love would have cooed from.

The paint still smells wet, I remember it being a warm pink,

Did you really have to make it a den?

Every night she calls out to me,

And my breasts heavy with milk I find myself lost,

In a room full of books where she should be laying.

Around and around I walk, exasperated and aimless,

Everything looks different but her cries remain constant.

Where is my new love, she eludes me every night.

Let me hold my love and only then will I feel release.

I notice you sitting there,

Reading,

Writing,

Or drawing,

But do you ever notice me?

The one that watches you,

The one that stands beside you,

Or am I just a brush of cold air,

A winters kiss?

I'm lost sometimes,

Just like you,

A drifting soul,

With little hope,

But big dreams.

I could be a child,

An adult,

Or even a beloved pet,

Or maybe...

I am you?

Your uneven footsteps are clumsy.

Your patterns are disheveled.

Moving too quickly you do not float but flit, like a hummingbird.

Why do you dance so often?

You are a mystery.

Do you sit down?

Creature of habit.

Processes and routines are you.

Please meditate, you make me anxious.