I go back and forth

spinning on the swing that makes me sick

dizzy when i stand

ill when i sit

im scared of falling

so i let go

tell you no

see your words

turn off my phone

but in my mind i love you

i want you

and i said so

I go back and forth

spinning on the swing that makes me sick

dizzy when i stand

ill when i sit

flowers are fake

they blossom and bloom

they make you look

pretend to die

so that you pick all the uglier plants besides them

throwing them into a white and red Walgreens grocery bag

they listen as the dust punctures the paper thin plastic

but the ugliness is what helped them grow

so their yellow petals turn to brown

and then they are the ones being picked from the ground

i told you my whole life story

and you cried with me

your tears falling on my shoulder

i know i was a bit insensitive

disconnected

my hands too far to reach

but you still said you loved me

and last night you watched me in fear

my whole body shook

and my eyes were searching

and you saw

whats worse is you thought i was crying over you

you must have not been listening if you think i worry over such things

but you laughed

and you pointed

you didn't even try to reach for my hand

and you were the only one i could tell

maybe i do worry over such things

but

with his voice that laughs along with spanish song

and glasses that reflect my eyes as green

how could it be

that he really sees m e

i think he saw me bending over to pick up my bag

and his glasses that reflect my eyes as green drift down until my eyes are no longer seen

but what if it's true

that forever rings

along with his voice that sings

and his hands that know how to hold

what if i could keep his chin up

at least i can dream

I would say

please don't count

calories or friends

sit-ups or lbs

please don't count

I would say let go

of your knife

of your toothbrush

of all things that move so so slow

I would speak

I would say

i didn't speak hello

i didn't say goodbye

and I wish

i wish

that words were empty

because empty means so much

empty means it can be filled

with love that is as such

rain is like us

sometimes welcome sometimes

helpful sometimes not

flooding

or succouring

aiding when there needs to be growth

but you can always tell when it has been there

look at the dimples in the sand

look at the droplets from the grass

look at the puddles in between concrete cracks

it leaves its mark

good or bad

it lets you know it has been there

it doesn't want to be forgotten in a drought

you called me a hoe

behind my back in whispers

you said i was a mistake

you wished you had never made

i think

how many of my secrets did you tell?

how many lies did you say

i was the one who said goodbye

but you still hold me in your mind

and whispers

was it wrong to leave you

did you really love me

did i let you down

?

i forgot to remember you

and only saw when you bored me

when you stole from me

i forgot to remember the late nights

when you'd stay up because i couldn't sleep

i didn't even have to ask you

you knew i didn't want to fall into my nightmares

and i didn't want to fall into my mind

so you talked to me

and when i fell asleep and didn't respond

you'd say

goodnight

you responded in a few seconds

no matter what you had to do

said i was most important to you

i took hours to respond

pushing you away with one word answers

telling you to stop saying that you loved me

scared that you were only telling lies

scared that you would hurt me

so i said

goodbye

you pushed me off the edge

and hoped i would fly

but how could you

if you knew you could not catch me

you trusted me

so i guess i betrayed you

by not opening my wings

you let me die

thinking i could fly

why did you push me off the edge