The first thing that came to mind were my little brothers. More specifically my two year old Superman. He gave me something to live for when everyone else couldn't. He made me want to be a better person, and love myself. The world doesn't seem so sad anymore with him around. I love him and owe him for that. He opened my eyes to see the beauty in this world.

Really, everything changes us, just some are bigger/longer, but what comes to mind for me is Middle School. The 3 years have changed me in a way I will never regret, but will never go back to. I was bullied, I was stupid, I had no goal in life, and as far as anyone cared no meaning either. So that's how I was treated, which pulled me farther into the hole, until my hole was so deep I couldn't even see the light anymore. I knew if just one person said I'm an okay person, I might get back up. It never happened. When highschool hit I knew I had to change. That I did, I said "fuck it" and didn't care what anyone thought. Now here I am, right now. I see this pain in people's eyes, and now, I talk to everyone like a best friend. I believe in everyone, no matter who/what they are. In response, my surroundings change. Everyone I know is inspired, everyone I know is doing it. Everyone I know is spreading this sense of caring, and when I back up and look at the big picture, my middle school years have changed many people's lives.

Her name was Annika. She was two years older, which in high school meant we were worlds apart; her year breezed through hallways with the easy confidence of experience. But I think she must have recognized her younger self in my nervous attempts to make myself smaller, because in that crowded music room her eyes always found mine (one shrinking girl among eleven boys) and restored my strength with an easy smile that said, there's nothing to worry about. You belong here.

That first day, she picked up the biggest drum and she strapped it onto me and told me to play loud, and I have carried that enormous drum and those words in my heart with me ever since.

I smoked pot and threw a microwave at my ex boyfriend out of pure feelings. That day changed me.

That day made me realize what drugs were really about. Not every drug makes you feel good, not every feeling is good, and not every good thing is something to feel.

Now, I know I don't want to do drugs, be with that crowd of people anymore. I'm just willing to go about handling my life that way.

No, I'm not crazy, I'm perfectly normal, it's just that sometimes shit happens and you learn from it.

If it wasn't for that then I wouldn't know what it's like to find life and help from other sources. It's easy to blow problems away, but it doesn't make the problems go away.

I'd rather find solutions, breathe and drink water, meditate, write, and even talk to a friend every once in a while then to turn to something that can ultimately cause my life hell.