Depression has made itself at home in my life.

It comes, and it goes.

This time it seems to be here to stay.

It sits on the couch with me,

Telling me just to go back to bed,

That life would be better without me in it.

It tells me "You're unwanted! Look, that person isn't responding to you. They don't like you, you're worthless."

It follows me around at school,

Whispering "You'll never be good enough. You're going to fail, so why bother? Just go home and back to bed."

Reading has become just words on a page,

Music is merely background noise.

And I,

I have become a shell.

Empty,

Unwanted,

Shattered into a million tiny pieces.

An echo of a girl who could've been something.

But I don't want to pick the pieces back up.

Because I know that if I do,

I'll just get better,

Then Depression will come back again.

I really just want to hold my brothers right now. That's all I want, is just to be able to hold them and know that everything will be alright.

Normally, all I would have to do is make the drive to see them. But, they're thousands of miles away right now. So, I'm stuck with pictures, videos, and an empty feeling in my heart.

When you fall back into those deep, dark moods. The kind where you truly can't stand yourself, so you figure no one else should have to.

But, you have friends, and they're trying to talk to you. And the dark thoughts are creeping up too fast for you to catch yourself.

So, you try to gently push them away. Find excuses not to talk for a bit, but that only works for so long.

They'll want to know what's really going on. Even though you know that telling them risks your relationship with them.

Because eventually, they get tired of dealing with you.

So, you push, and you push. Till finally they stop coming back. Then, you're left all alone again, just like you knew would happen.

That makes me melancholy, because that's what I go through...

1. My phone. Because I would need it to get ahold of the fire department. And also use it to get ahold of whomever else in the aftermath.

2. My purse. Mostly due to the fact that it normally contains necessary items. (i.e. my wallet, keys, etc.)

3. My laptop. I know it may seem superficial, but I have loads of pictures on my laptop. It would be devastating if I lost it, because I don't have the duplicates or any of them backed up elsewhere.

Her laugh broke the silence.

Such an ironic sound for her current state of mind, with the silence weighing heavily around her.

She laughed because the alternative was to cry, sitting in her room all alone. Assessing her situation, and wondering how she became so lonely.

But it's a self imposed loneliness, and she knows that. She can't bring herself to put every problem on the few people who care.

So she sits, and she thinks. While the laughter quickly turns into sobbing, and the sun goes down.

You never truly get over losing someone. No matter how much time passes, that feeling of loss never quite goes away.

Sure, it does get easier to deal with after some time. But, there will be bad days, perhaps years after you lost someone. And on those bad days you'll remember all the good times you had with them. Then you'll remember they're gone, and it hurts just as much as it did when they left.

Time doesn't heal all wounds, it only makes them easier to bear. All you can do is to keep moving forward. Eventually, the time between bad days will get longer and longer, and it won't hurt so much remembering.

It was one of those friendships that happened without either of us really knowing how. Suddenly, friends became best friends after realizing how much we had in common. The perfect situation for a new girl in a middle school full of old friends.

Victoria and I sat together in every class we shared together for two years. We spoke on the phone constantly, and spent weekends with each other. She had other friends, sure, but they were busy with their new friends. So, I filled the void for her. We became inseparable.

But then, I moved away. Just an hour away, and I showed up every weekend. I visited her when I could, and still called every Monday and Friday night. After awhile, she got busy. Stopped responding to my emails, didn't return my calls, and just stopped caring.

It was a brief two years, with many ups and downs. I wish I could've tried a little harder, and maybe, just maybe, we'd still be friends.

I have some really amazing friends.

My family is certifiably insane.

I don't enjoy school.

My brothers love me, and I love them.

I have a like-hate relationship with myself.

Being a college student isn't easy.

Cats can be very evil.

Being lonely isn't fun.

Having a car makes life easier.

Having great friends makes life better.

Hurt welled up inside of me like an incoming tidal wave. It went in and crushed any happiness I felt.

With hurt came anger like small sea creatures, burrowing themselves in the sand of my being. It festered until I could stand it no more.

Finally relief arises in the receding wave, making things just a bit more bearable.