The world seems to be unraveling

Youth persuaded by lies

Supporting causes they do not understand

Fallen into misconceptions grip

Dying on battle fields in strange lands

For a cause not worthy of their blood

I keep thinking that I'm just not cut out for this.

The mountain is too high.

I'm just killing time trying to be a writer.

Who do you think you are mixing with these people.

You don't fit in. Accept your lot and get rid of it.

You're not talented.

All of these doubts fly through my mind almost every time I try to compose a piece. Lately with all the bugs it just seems I'm going nowhere.

Am I alone in thinking these things.

I was awaken by constant buzzing of my phone. Rummaging around my bed to find my glasses. I tried to make out the name of the caller, it was Savanna. I answered because I haven't heard from her in weeks.

"Yeah?"

"Hey, I sorry for calling so late I just, I don't know how to do this."

I heard her voice crack and then clear.

"Don't worry about it. What's up?"

"It's my mom..She was rushed to the emergency room...and.. She um never made it through surgery."

At that point my heart beat was increasing by the second. I couldn't breathe. It was like being punched in the face with reality after waking from a dream. I screamed and my sister ran into the room to check on me. Mrs. Mohler was like a second mother to me. She treated me like a daughter. Ever since i lost mine that mean't the world to me. Savanna was my sister. We've been together for five years. The longest meaningful friendship I've ever had. She put up with my shit. I loved her and her family. I know this isn't about me. It's about her and her family. I'm The things I do can't bring her back. I can take lives, and give birth to people in my writing but this is the real world. I can't give life to the dead. All I can say is I'm sorry to her and help them in every way.

It's been two years since that night. It hasn't left my head. I know it hasn't left hers.

There's always a gift

A talent

A natural ability to succeed in something.

I've never known this talent, until it hit me.

Running.

To let go,

Strive,

And never give up.

To win first place.

That is my goal.

What if I die while working as a firefighter and leave behind my family. I haven't actually started working yet. I still haven't graduated high school yet. I still have 2 months but once I do get certified in August and do begin working what if I get injured or I die. I love the idea of being a firefighter and the family I'll have in that field. I'm just scared of the dangers included in working as a firefighter helping others.