Polaroid
As I blow the dust, it seems that I breathe life into you.
—the frame glows in dim light. Running my fingers on the pane. This feels different from your skin. This cold doesn’t suffice. The warmth that I remember… it’s not the same. The tears putter pitifully, my silent cries are providing you water. Showering you in rain.
could I make a plant grow from your ashes? Will new life sprout green, will grass provide flowering blooms? Will I, like God, bring forth Adam? —And from his rib, give another piece of love, letting you roam this piece of Heaven, this Eden—my heart. My soul.
Our expressions are locked in time. The edges of this are faded, burnt, crimped, tainted. The smiles are frozen in an endless trance. The flame of life seems to have gone. But I still feel you. In the silence.
The memory is in sepia. My dreams are in vibrance.
it stands in time. Unmoving.
Untitled #??
My desire to be free of my own mind continues its desperate dancing struggle.
I am an enemy to my own conscience.
I overthink the already overthought—a precarious precipice I dangle as a leaf in a summer’s typhoon, I, drown in the raging tide, I, climb through mounds of archives—limitless, in its capacity.
“It’s 12:36 am,” I tell myself, “I have to sleep”.
there is none. The battle continues, I can hear the swords coming to blows, each knife-sound, is a word cutting ever deeper. A wound, an infection, creeping—slowly into the capillaries, spreading open within my veins, my arteries, my very limbs—septic.
I can no longer breathe on my own it seems. I can no longer bear the burden of consciousness.
I sleep. —The war begins anew.
Creating Elements
Into me you flow like the streams, caressing sounds, river rushing, gushing into a waterfall—
splitting open into the sea.
Your touch against my body, flames. Heating the embers of our love, we become as one—groaning volcano, earth flexing and pulling, in a dangerous, tempting dance of passion.
The air, its humid embrace, you pulled me closer, and I heard your husky voice in my being, vibrating deeper into the crux of my mind—etched words into my memory, your huffs are the music I crave. Your moans I need. I don’t need to breathe, I want nothing more than to suffocate in your arms, nothing but the smell of your skin should be in my midst.
I feel… I feel you, deeper! Don’t stop, I don’t think I can hold on any longer—we’ll… we’ll go together.
Take me there. Take me. Turn me into liquid, sink me deeper into the earth, I need to feel more…
Time Heals (Some)
I see the Sun.
Peering into the horizon, rays focused unto a new tomorrow.
Dawn approaching, the day trickles past, time unrecoverable.
I breathe new life. I breathe life, into life.
As the mortal clock ticks away; tears complete the night.
a new sob, leaves me. An exasperated sigh—long overdue. And; another day comes, as they are due, the mourning dew drips on blades of grass, refreshing dead soil.
it heals. it covers.
Dreaded Time. It takes. It gives. It repairs. It goes on… and on… and on.
grief
In the tapestry of stars,
my thoughts swim in an endless ocean
the moments we shared
your calls
the laughter, joy and pain
pendulum swings eternally—
forever, looping back to times past
I miss you.
Silently, I wept.
into nothingness.
my cries echo into ripples written in time, deeply vibrating into the Universe
Coding etched in Love.
These tears are love.
grief is love.
written in time is our love.
[No Title]
The loneliness takes hold at night.
Arms are cold. Like the silence that encompasses all, my thoughts are no solace.
A race never-ending, until my mind melts at the fury of restless sleep, and dreamless apathy. Indifference, is this numbing vibration, separating quietness, void of emotion.
will I ever know peace in the night? Will I know what it’s like to be fulfilled when darkness takes hold?
—Please, don’t leave me alone. It’s too cold.
God didn’t look down low for me
My grandmother said, faithfully, confidently—“God sits up high and looks down low”. I could see the joy in her eyes, that mirth in her face—adoration tinged heights in her voice, trumpets sounding loudly singing praises most grand. In her aged hands, *that* book, like a leather belt—strapped tightly, a subtle reminder to obey—always.
I sat in silence. God sits up high and looks down low? Really?
—how low? Where did he go to see me? Did he find me in the hole? Drenched in tears, surrounded by sheets covered in my sorrows, my moans not in praise, as they say on the moanin‘ bench—but, in agony, I clenched to covers in between my fingers, clutching my prayers in my breast as the belt cracked down on my exposed skin—
stripped bare and clean, I writhed, each lashing stinging, teeth grinding, pain, I remember the “step”—mother I had drilling into my being that it’s all my fault, how could I not follow directions, all I had to do was *follow directions*—crack—why can’t do you do what I tell you, CRACK—this is the on—CRACK—ly WAY—
Did he look down below? in a cavern? A ravine? deep trench opening, spreading wide—my legs, he touches my legs, he undresses me with his eyes—a cave fleshy pink, did he look there? When he touched me and I said ‘no’, did he look in the mouth, telling me I’ll “learn to like it”, did he look below? I screamed out into nothingness, this cave is too deep, I can’t climb out—he won’t stop he won’t let go it hurts, please, stop—I don’t like it, will he let go, why won’t he stop?!
He looked for me in the desert? Nowhere to be seen, my “family” never dripping water of Life, Love—only ever thirsting for more, I can’t cry anymore, why can’t they love me, I can’t do it anymore why can’t they see me—I’m alone, where are you, when will you get here I’m alone?!
god didn’t look down low for me. He sat up high.