As Unattainable As Happiness

She didn't know what happiness was;

what it felt like,

looked like.

She didn't know what it did to your head,

your heart.

She had never gotten a taste

of the elusive, talked about feeling,

the one that was supposed to make her forget pain

and smile so widely people thought she was high.

The one that would make her want to get out of bed,

hangout with her friends,

or just compliment the cashier when she got her coffee.

She often wondered what her malfunction was.

Why she was the only one

who was perpetually,

cripplingly sad?

She took her vitamins,

slept enough,

was surrounded by love-

yet.

Yet the sun made her wince,

her future made her sick

and life seemed torn between dull and nerve-racking.

Never in a million years would you have thought

the girl was having such a confusing time

because she did smile.

She got out of bed and grumbled just enough.

She said nice things to strangers,

she took the pills they gave her,

she encouraged others to put down the razor,

get off the ledge,

to stop reaching down their throat.

No one worried because there wasn't a reason for her to be anything but happy.

The truth was she should be happy.

She just wasn't.