wordsmith

I received one of the worst insults recently and Iʼm still grappling with it.

Hereʼs the set up:

My significant other and I have been going through a really tough time. I seem to lack the ability to effectively communicate my concerns and feelings to him, even when I take the time out to think and write them out and revise them.

I tried that a few nights ago. Plotted it out as best I could via text, but of course, it wasnʼt received well in his perspective.

In a phone call he slashed me down, saying I make everything a big ordeal even when itʼs not. When I again expressed exactly what was relayed in that text message, he cut me down with:

“If you are such a wordsmith, you should be able to word things better…”

It stung more then it should have. Enraged me, but I held it in knowing that, had I pointed it out, it would have escalated the entire conversation.

He, of all the people who know me, knows that my writing talent is the one of the few things I feel confident about. Without realizing it, he kicked me in my gut with such a pointed remark.

I can spin stories, arc narratives, enjamb lines of poetry, compose dialogue, pen thorough emails, concoct convincing copy….

But yea, it's hard for me to properly express my emotions, to convey them in ways that he will receive and not automatically jump to the conclusion that I am being a spiteful bitch.

Years of repressing one's emotions makes it a bit difficult to learn how to relay them.

I guess I am no wordsmith. Maybe I am just a hack with a keyboard.

But ya know, I can't believe that.