I had never held anyone like this before. I couldn't find it in myself to let go. I could hardly hear him over my hard breathing, but I was too busy sobbing to even respond. I could feel the life in him slipping away as I wondered where all the time between us had gone.

He came home drunk so I put the girls to bed and turned the radio on in their room up loud so they would sleep through the commotion. I climbed on top of him and he rose and moaned a little. Even drunk and passed out and drooling he still wanted me. And I gave him all of me.

I held him tight, my hands on his throat. I had never held anyone like this before. Gripping so firmly, my knuckles whitening on his purple throat. He flailed already losing too much oxygen, too drunk to communicate with his limbs and hold me off. The weight of my pregnancy overpowered him. I felt my third little girl working with me to put an end to his life before she started hers.

I couldn't take it any longer. I couldn't raise my girls in A home with this man. This was the last time he would ever call me a bitch, slap me in front of my children, or spit in the food I had worked so hard to make. I had bruises. I'd just claim self defense.

"Wha- how did- uhh..." Too confused now to put a thought together. Stirring from my dream I looked at my husband sleeping peacefully next to me. The images disturbed me.

Is that really what I wanted?

Thank you to southern_sweet, queen-of-scots, Lynn and melanierose. Great stories with awesome lines!!

I had never held anyone like this before. I couldn't find it in myself to let go. I rest my head in the crook of his shoulder and reminisce to the times where that shoulder was a cold wall. And that's all I had. Walls. Walls built up around me, made of cinder blocks and covered in barbed wire. To myself and to others, I was a mess. Love meant nothing and sex was a pass time. Alcohol was my medicine and cigarettes were my breakfast. I barely knew what sleep was but I'm telling you, I'd lay in this bed with him and sleep all day if that's what he wanted. My home is in his arms and in his embrace. I'm sobering up, he's bringing me to life. I see clearly even with my eyes close, as long as he's here beside me. I haven't needed a drink in weeks because his lips taste so much better than any shot of liquor I've drowned my bloodstream with. Damn, there's something about this boy. Before him, I misunderstood what intimacy was. Sex. That's what I thought. Now I just know it's more than lust, this is love. This is passion and in fact it's like magic. He knows me so well even when I don't know who I am. All I know is that since the first time he held me like this, I've never wanted to lose his touch.

I have never held anyone like this before. Not someone so small and innocent inside of me. Sure I've been pregnant with the little monsters inside me before but I've never been actually thinking about keeping one. And not just because I love the guy I who's genes are in this child.

You see, all the other times it's been a simple decision, just get a abortion, but this time, it's different.

It's just like something is telling me to hold on to this one...

All the other times I've barred child was the product of being raped by my previous boyfriends or strangers so I've had no interest in keeping the complicated beings. Once, this guy named Ryan wanted to hook up so I thought, "why not?" So I go out with the dude and he's very forward from the beginning about what he wanted. Of course, I had refused his offer, and he got furious and just raped me in his car. He left bruises in between my legs and on my shoulders from where he was holding me down. I had a black eye and busted nose. Parts of my hair were torn out from where he forced me back and forth on himself, pushing and pulling me by my hair.

All of those experiences I wanted to forget, so I thought by deleting parts of it, starting with the demon growing inside of me from those devils, I could do that.

But right now, as I am sitting in this familiar room, I'm having second thoughts.

Lucinda, my usual doctor, comes out and calls my name. I barley hear her through my thoughts.

"Taylor. Taylor. Taylor!" She's shaking me by now. "Are you alright, hon? You look like it's your first time here."

Did I? I bet I looked pretty bad.

"It's just that-, I just-," I sighed. Upset I couldn't find the words to express my feelings.

"You want this one, huh?"

I looked up at Lucinda, the girl who's been with me from the start, the girl who never judged me because of my decisions, the girl I've grown to love.

"Wha- how did- uhh..." Too confused now to put a thought together. Is that really what I wanted? If I hadn't decided, how could she be so certain?

"I knew they'd grow on you." She said, as a warm smile spread across

her face.

"I had never held someone like this before.."

I could hardly hear him over my hard breathing, but I was too busy sobbing to even respond. I think he could tell, because he kept talking.

"I had never held somebody while they cried , not this hard. Where they could hardly catch their breath, and where they depended on my touch and advice so much. I haven't even witnessed a situation like the one you're in. I have no idea what to say, or what kind of advice to give you. Because I have never had somebody break down in my arms before. Not even in my presence."

I'm struggling to stop crying, and slow my breathing so I can hear clearly.

"And I may not have a lot to say about your situation, or I may not know what exactly to tell you. Or if it'll help.. Or anything like that.. But I do know that you're beautiful . And that you are so strong. Stronger than me even. Maybe not physically, but emotionally for sure. Because you've been going through this for so long and this is the first time you've brought it up to me , and you tell me everything. The fact that you could even hold it in for this long, makes you so strong. You can fake a smile , and a laugh. No body else would be able to do that if they were going through this. You go around and can act like nothing is wrong, how can you do that, I wouldn't be able to do that! But , you've been faking a smile and laugh for too long now and I'm not going to let you fake one anymore . I want you to be truly happy, and confident about yourself because you're beautiful. And so many people think so. Don't ever let anyone tell you differently."

By now I stopped crying and I just wanted him to keep talking. He's never been this down to earth with me about anything. He hardly talks.. He usually just listens .

" You've let too many guys do this to you, and you let them walk all over you. But I'm not letting any guy hurt you anymore. Ever again. I want to protect you for the rest of your life and make sure that you're happy every day . Truly happy. I wanna make sure that no guy can do what those guys have. And the only way I can think to do that is to make you my girlfriend .. I've wanted this for so long . You're such an amazing girl. It would make me the happiest boy alive if you would date me.. I know this is a lot to take in right now , and you don't have to answer right this second .. But just know that the offer will always be on the table. Today, tomorrow , in a month and even in years. Because I will never meet such an amazing girl like you, and no one will ever be good enough compared to you. Would you be my girlfriend ? "

I didn't even realize we were holding hands because I was so focused on his words . The way he was looking me in my eyes with such passion, and sympathy . I could tell he really wanted to be my boyfriend, But was it just because he pitied me?

"You don't want me to be you're girlfriend just because you feel bad for me do you..?" I asked.

"Of course I feel bad for you, nobody deserves to go through something like that and I never will let it happen to you again. But if you think that's the only reason I want this , you're simply crazy. There is infinite reasons why I want to date you. And hopefully one day marry you."

My mind is blown away by his words. I never knew he felt this way about me, but it makes me so happy to hear. No guy has ever said anything like that to me before, and I don't think that I've ever had this type of feeling for somebody build up inside me.

"I'd love to be you're girlfriend," I started saying, "since you're just so charming."

He perked up as soon as I said it. When he saw my smile he smiled too.

"Can I kiss you, or is it too soon?" He asked me. "I'll wait as long as I have to."

I pulled him by the collar of the shirt and kissed him one good time. "Does that answer your question." I giggled .

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"More."

"Most."

And this was the day that started us.

I had never held anyone like this before, I could feel the life in her slipping away as I wondered where all my time between us had gone. Her body, so curvy and robust once was now constantly cold, delicate, and thin. The woman I loved more than life itself was disappearing before my eyes. We laid on our sides, her body facing away from me as I wrapped my arms a little tighter around her torso, forgetting how much force I was using.

"Ouch Devon, you're hurting me." She let out with a small struggle to pull free of my grasping arms. I immediately loosened them, feeling sad to know I had hurt her even a little.

"I'm sorry baby, I wasn't paying attention. I'm just so used to holding you tight." I replied, frowning, but she would never know by my voice.

"It's alright, I'm used to that too. I would welcome it if I weren't so fragile..." I could hear her voice cracking, knowing her mind was resonating on her imminent death.

"Shhh don't think about that, beautiful. Hey you remember our trip to Barcelona?" I was making an attempt to sway her thoughts back into the positive.

"That was one of the best weeks of my life... I had never seen a sunset so beautiful...had never been so happy." I could feel her smiling and then the coughing started, violently shaking her small body. I gently pulled her closer to me and started rubbing her arm lightly, feeling her fight for breaths.

"Breathe baby, just relax." I talked her through it and once again she was breathing shallow in my arms.

"I can't go on Devon... I love you but... I'm just so tired." A single tear rolled down her cheek and onto the arm I was letting her use as a pillow.

"Clarissa don't say that, I-"

"Stop Devon, we both know I'm fading fast. Let's just use this time to have a few last memories of happiness. Just lay with me." She pleaded, hearing the sadness in her voice I agreed without a fuss.

I stroked her cheek as I propped myself up on an elbow, playing with a lock of her brown hair before laying back down, taking the biggest breath in of her scent before closing my eyes to wait for the inevitable end of my world and everything I knew.

"I'm sorry we didn't have more time, love." She whispered, closing her eyes softly.

"A single second with you was worth more than a lifetime with anyone else angel..." I replied,feeling her slip away from me finally.

I had never held anyone like this before, and I doubt I ever will again.

I had never held anyone like this before.

He was just... Gone. Everything in his body, his personality, his heart, even the light in his eyes... Gone. He was just a bunch of organs and muscles held together in the form of a man. He wasn't himself. He was dead.

God, I'm glad there wasn't much blood. He didn't deserve a messy death. He'd regretted everything he'd done since the day he came here, the day he was dragged into this vile murder-house. Everyone he'd been forced to kill he'd apologized to. The first time, the second, the tenth, everyone. He didn't deserve the pain inflicted on them. It wasn't his fault. But... God.

I was too numb to cry now. All I could see was a tactical disadvantage. My mind had been twisted into a sick, survival machine and my emotions deadened. Looking back now, I wish I could have held him a little longer, maybe cleaned up his cut neck a little, give him some honor... Tell him I'd loved him. But all I did was leave him there and run to the others. When I led them back, his body was gone. All that was left of him was bloody handprints dragging towards the now sealed door.

The others, some of them that knew him better-- they knelt at the pool of blood he'd died in. They cried and they screamed and they held each other. Some just kneeled in stony silence, maybe prayer.

If I could have searched deep into my conscience, I would have found a twinge of annoyance that these people couldn't just hold themselves together and move on so we didn't all suffer the same fate. In that moment, I was not human.

Beyond the people I'd killed in my time there, beyond the things I'd been forced to do-- the things I was willing to do to survive... Nothing haunts me such as that exact moment. The moment I turned from the invisible corpse of my soulmate and all I could think of was how the exit only opened when corpses were removed...