For a fraction of a solitary second,

voiceless child blushed like flower

as the precious ruby hours

flooded her on dusky footprints.

On fragile wings, she attempted

to soar above the shadowy night

in her solemn cape of darkness,

lost among the throngs in silence,

seeking shade in shadows of others,

a fate that threatened to engulf her.

Alienated clouds and dusky skies

fed her hunger to whisper aloud

in moon suspended in charcoal skies.

Cobwebs littered her dim space

as morning mist overtook her soul.

She reached for a smile just out of sight,

yearning for awakening blossoms.

No one saw her bleeding in anguish,

crying for a reprieve from obscurity

as she attempted to whisk doubts

into sheltering winds of hope.

She felt the overcast shade lift

like an eclipse beckoning her

with warm fingers of light.

She grasped her new beginning

in a bouquet of enchantment

for the first time, seeing the truth,

pushing away dejected shoulders.

The shadow child grasped the stars,

healed the clotting loss of innocence,

listening to her voice chorus

with hundreds of other children,

awakening to the knowledge

that her shadowed existence

is the child she once was

but is no more, as she opens

lips to speak, “Please play with me!”

This is the story of a girl who was lost. Trying find her out of the shadows; find who she was in the light. Caged by the shadow of expectation. The perfect daughter, straight A girl. Quiet, innocent, kind... Invisible!

The second best, never the favourite. Not loud enough, not confident. She could step out of the shadows. The shadows of popularity; of her younger sister (always braver); the shadow cast by her fear of failure; fear of judgment. To the world she was just another speck of dust in the air.

All her life she felt alone. Never as beautiful as the other girls; as her sister, her cousins. Instead she wore too long shirts, baggy jumpers and trousers that didn't fit. Hair too thin and curves too straight. She didn't fit in. Never spoke to others unless spoken too first. Didn't put her hand up in class and didn't step out of line. The few times her words were heard, others were surprised. They didn't know she had a voice because it was silenced by her doubt. Why would anyone want to hear her words? She had nothing important to say. Who was she? Just a girl.

Distant from the few she called her friends. Barely spoke to even them. Isolated in a group. They each had their best friend in their circle but she had no one. The odd one out. Spent lunch in the library and break watching others laugh and have fun. A silent shadow, staring at the light from the corner if her eye.

Year by year, it all went by, her on the side. Then came the second year of high school and she went to registration like any other day. What changed was the girl across the room sat down in the empty seat by her. Someone she's said hello to a few times on the walk home from school (they lived a few mere minutes apart). Slowly, they formed a bond and unknowingly she started slipping from her shell, talking more and more. Even daring to put her hand up in class and speak up when they make fun of her for being quiet. She had found her voice and it would never again be silenced.

As the friendship grew, her eyes finally met the light. Seeing the beauty of the sun, she was reminded of the nickname her grandmother had given her years before: little sun. It was then she realised she needed to step toward the light for she has had the light inside her all along; it just took a spark to light the fire of her heart.

When I sat down with Kerrigan, the first thing I noticed about her was that she couldn't keep her fingers out of her hair. It didn't really bother me that much, but she seemed as if she was uncomfortable by just sitting in the same room as me. It made me wonder if she had ever had a decent conversation with a boy before. Or maybe just been around a boy in general.

"I'm going to start the interview now," I said, clicking open my pen and pressing the ballpoint tip against the lined stripe at the top of my notebook. Smiling at her (even though she wasn't even looking at me in the first place), I started with, "so what did you enjoy the most about school?"

"I guess," she began, words slow and cautious as if I'd hurt her if I said the wrong thing, "the library. It's quiet there. And I can generally find something nice to read."

"Definitely. This school totally has a better selection than my old one," I agree with a grin, jotting down a couple notes about her comment. When I glanced back up at her, she looked surprised.

"Are you a new student?"

"Well, uh, I guess I am." I sheepishly rub the back of my neck. "My brothers all run track here and are really invested in sports, but I only started coming here a couple months ago."

"But... you seem so... popular." Her fingers tangled themselves even more in her hair and her eyes fell off of me into her lap.

"Not really. It's all my brothers." I shrug, not really minding the commentary or the shock. "People just flock to me when they really wanna get to know them."

"I-I see then." I chew on the inside of my cheek staring at her. I knew that if I asked anyone if they knew a girl named Kerrigan Shannon, they wouldn't have a clue that she even existed.

"Kerrigan," I ask, "why did you agree to do this interview?" Kerrigan's eyes shot up to me in a momentary jolt of surprise before shifting away and staring miles deep into the wall behind me.

"I just..." She seemed reluctant to answer, so I reached out to her and took her hand reassuringly. I expect the started flinch from her, but I don't think that she'd relax so easily shortly after. "I'm graduating this year and then I'll go to college. I got into Brown, you see." She brushes some hair out of her face and exhales deeply. "I won't be just a seventeen year old senior anymore. I'll be an eighteen year old freshman in college. An adult. So it's about time that I let go of all of my nervous habits and, you know, speak up."

"That's really brave," I find myself admitting. Kerrigan's cheeks heat up and she tucks her head lower.

"Th-Thanks," she stutters shyly and I can't help but to find it really cute. Then, "what's your name?"

"Avery. Sorry I didn't introduce myself earlier. I'm kinda a jerk." I laugh at myself and she laughs with me. Her laugh is pretty adorable. I give her a lopsided smile when the laughing subsides. "Hey, Kerrigan, when we're all done with the yearbook interview, do you, maybe, wanna hang out sometime?"

"Seriously?" She looks shocked and her face fills with pink. Fiddling with her thumbs and gnawing her bottom lip, she fought with herself before settling on, "I'd like that a lot."

"Great." I keep my relieved sigh to myself.

©SelfTitled, 2017