"If you love me, please remind me to forget you." my mother said.

 "I don't understated what you mean." I replied.

Mom held my hand and said, "This dementia I have is going to get worse.

I want you to remind me to forget you and free my mind from the struggle.

Sometimes not remembering is easier than trying to sort through the maze.

It may sound cold but I'm asking you to understand the dementia and accept

that we will be strangers. As new friends, we will come to know each other in

ways that we never were able to. The bad times between us will be erased from

my mind. The good times we've had will never be taken from us. Though I will

not remember the good times, we did have them. And so, my precious child,

if you love me, please remind me to forget you. Come to me as a wonderful

new person in my life. Don't make the day harder with your tears. Laugh

with me and walk with me. Sing with me and play B.I.N.G.O. 

    I ask you to love me enough to remind me to forget you. Darling, I ask this

of all my children. I do not want it this way. Dementia is unkind. Let's prepare

for it now and seal it in cement. Your "old" Mom is going away but your "new"

Mom is really looking forward to meeting you.  (This story is dedicated to my

"new" Mom).

Dear Forgetful Husband,

If you love me, please remind me to forget you have a nasty habit of leaving the toilet seat up. You can remind me by leaving it down so I don't fall in. Do that enough and I'll forget your habit. Thank you.

Sincerely, 

Wet (not the good kind of wet) Wife 

if you love me, 

please remind me to forget you,

so I can fall in love with you day after day,

and when I wake up I'll love you even more,

if you love me,

please remind me to forget you,

so I can get to know you again,

and we can can become better friends

if you love me,

please remind me to forget you,

so I can always remember you,

and never let you leave my mind

Pain, in my eyes from this single patch of dirt

A marking of stone and years of wilted flowers

Silence, as I walk through this sea of sadness

Earth shattering winds through the trees like the wails of another losing their love

This is to remind me

Eerie, the aching kind of love

The instantaneous void of longing for what I can’t have

A rebellious heart escaping a body

      as it belongs to another

A hole where everything important use to be

But his ghosts, with my soul in their hands, they remind me

Runaway, he left me with these memories

Agony, he left me with these tears

He was gone in the snapping of a finger

I see him in his old home

I see him in our world...

But wait, it’s not our world anymore because I’m here without him

And it fucking sucks.

Photographs

They’re imprinted in the depths of my mind

Calling me to better times, better times without these holes in my body

My minds numb, appearances fading as I wait for him to come home

To come back to me

But instead I just slowly disappear....

As he takes more of me.

Reality, it looms over me in its natural clarity

While I’m fading into a transparency 

Existence is something I don’t fully understand anymore

What is me without him, what I am without me

The constants, reminding me what I lost

And what I can’t have

And what I wish I could forget

What I wish I could be

I feel like nothing without him here

Where would we be if he were here?

What state of bliss could we be in right now if he were here?

If he and I weren’t on different planes of time, desperately reaching for the other....

What if we could finally be set me free from this agony?

What if I could forget all this pain and suffering?

What if....

what if....

...

...If you love me, please let me forget you.

I’m sorry.

If you love me, please remind me to forget you, because I never loved you.

I just thought I did.

It was not love, it was misery's desire for company.

My life will be so much better if I forget you ever existed.

If you love me, if you truly love me, then you want me to be happy.

I will be so much happier without you in my life.

Your love was one-sided.

Let me go.

If you love me, please remind me to forget you, for though there may be some compassion in your soul, you cannot help that the greater part of you, the one who takes over, is a bastard, an A+ asshole.

Thinking these thoughts as I question myself , “Why the hell did I make this decision?" I'm tired, I'm lost, I'm trying to make it work, I need her help, you'd think she'd try, see what I see, see what I envision.

I've been here before, this battle I fight, everyday doubts causing me fears I dont like. I cannot escape this quest that I'm on, I've been searching for a purpose, I must remain strong.

Giving in once more to a hope that gives no promise, why do I not see my value? Putting an impossible ending to my fate, for no good can come from the crap that I take.

Never feeling peace, the tension holds itself inside, then without any warning, her anger surfaced, released, no longer able to keep it caged, no longer able to hide.

If you love me, please remind me to forget you, give me this one kind favor. Allow me to live, be free of your grasp, allow me to be free of danger.

If you love me allow me to love someone else, let me leave, let me first love myself.

If you love me, please remind me to forget you...

tell my hands they don't know your skin.

tell my eyes they don't know what you look like when you laugh, when you cry

Remind me to forget all the times you said I love you and meant it

Then tell me you never meant it.

Say I love you with a wiping of my memory

Disappear from all my heart has ever known

Erase your years of jokes from my laugh lines

Pull your scent out of our room

out of the pillows

Leave not even your shadow

No whisper of your voice in wind

Take all of you away.

Make it like you never came

When you see me look away, run away, don't let me catch you

When you hear me plug your ears, don't let my words reach you

When you feel my presence, escape it, don't let me touch you

When you taste regret, like acid in your throat, don't let it rule you

When you smell a once familiar scent, don't let the memory fool you

When you remember me, don't do it fondly, forget me gladly, as I will you

"Eltezza, please! The portals are getting closer. I'm going to forget soon so I need to hear you say it; I need to hear you promise me!"

The woman Rowin faced, and cried his heart out to, had yellow crystal shackles at her wrists, pulling her arms back just enough to separate the couple by an inch. Behind her, Eltezza's hands floated in place, binded and sealed in stagnant despair; the work of a powerful sorceress, one they fought for years to defeat. Tears and wet red hair streaked down Eltezza's face in wobbly esses. 

Likewise, Rowin was held captive in the same tortuous manor on the adjacent side. Both could see over the other's shoulder at the impending portals edging closer and closer to scoop them up and into a time-looped world.

Across from his pleading eyes, her head was bowed. Eltezza's magical properties were completely depleted; staying conscious was already a challenge, but answering Rowin's request was especially hard. That would've remained true with or without her strength. 

"If you love me Eltezza, please remind me to forget you. You have to give me a reason not to want to know you. The past, or- or future past - or whatever! - cannot be stopped until we break this curse."

She shook her head. Their world saving journey brought the couple a memory stone, one for the sake of beating this curse. Alas, it was just one; the single stone dangling off Eltezza's necklace and the reason why she was tasked with the difficult mission of making her husband forget her existence. 

In order to save the villagers, the country she called home, her friends, her family: in order to save everyone, she had to lose her lover. Such a thing was too cruel a fate. How could she respond? How could she live with herself after making that promise?

The portals were an arms distance away from them now, but she only noticed once she heard the yelling. She shot her head up, and watched in horror as Rowin strained hard against the restraints pulling him back. 

"Stop it! You're hurting yourself!"

He didn't stop. Rowin pulled and pulled until his forehead touched hers, then his lips. 

"Make me forget you in our next world Eltezza, because it won't matter. The love I have for you in this world will follow you in your heart for all eternity. It won't matter what timeline you escape to. Through the power of that stone, take the love I have for you by means of memories. Save the world! And please, find happiness!"

Eltezza wanted nothing more than to embrace her husband, but settled for another kiss, straining against her own shackles to do so. There was a bright white light and he disappeared.

Moments later and Eltezza faced the teenage version of her husband. He lent her that nostalgic helping hand. 

She stood up and punched him in the face. 

"How can I find happiness like this, you idiot?"

I don't really remember if the grass was green when we were together or not. Part of me wishes you could see how green my grass is now. I'm not here to lie and front like I don't think about you from time to time, but I am here to say thank you. 

I try to remember the good times, but our problems still linger in the shadows waiting to reintroduce themselves and revive the pain. When I remember the laughing I also remember the fighting and when I remember the tickling I also remember the crying and the truth is I don't know how to feel about any of it anymore. I try to remember those warm conversations in the middle of the night, filled with seduction and promises, but all roads lead to pain. 

But I want to say thank you for that pain, Eliza. Only god knows the number of days it has taken me to realize that without that pain I wouldn't be as happy as I am. Pain can take control of your life but you must understand that pain is a reaction. A reaction that is only possible if you are capable of love.  

Our ups and downs and subsequent pain has led me to realize that I am a person capable of loving and as long as I have that I will be happy. Oh my how green the grass can be when love takes control of your life. These thoughts illuminate my brain and extinguish the grey pains lurking in the shadows and allow me to be free. I am finally free. I am finally happy.

You will always be a significant person to me Eliza, but if you love me, please remind me to forget about you so that the light of love can lead me through life.

All the best,

Andrew