I see her every day in school. We go for the same classes. She's new here and somehow while I wasn't looking she managed the take over my mind and all of my thoughts.

We don't talk too much, I try to keep a distance. It's just better this way. Safer. For me.

I don't know how she feels and I'm not sure If I want to know. Because there is no right response here. Nothing that wouldn't complicate things even more.

Not that I could ever muster the courage to do anything. I'm a coward when it comes to her. She's so beautiful and I love the way she moves. Though I don't think I have ever noticed that in any other woman. Not like this.

No. Never.

I try to focus on the teachers when they speak and wonder if she's looking my way.

If she's smiling again. I can't think of her. Because it makes me crazy when I do, when my thoughts revel around her, let alone even consider anything happening between us...

I like the way she furrows her eyebrows when she's concentrating. My pulse speeds up when she enters the room. Stirring the things I thought never existed. Not like that. Not for her. I try to ignore the feeling that growing so rapidly. The sense of falling and crashing hard to the ground. The notion that I can't move or breath properly... and yet, everytime that her lips lift in a meaningful smile as if she ones the place, I just fall apart in thousands of little pieces. Crashing, shattering... breaking. But in a good way.

In such a good way...

I sit in my chair and can feel myself strain under the touch of a heavy arm. He smiles at me when I lift my head. Smelling so great and making me blush. He loves me and I love him. It's been like that for a while now and at times it feels like forever. I smile back at him and feel pushed to the ground, a strong pressure on my heart.

An intense combination of guilt and disorientation.

I look back at the professor. Not really hearing the words. My mind twisting and bending, trying to comprehend the situation and denying it completely. He grabs my hand and I feel like a fraud. Like an imposter, taking up his time and his love. A foolish girl that didn't understand her own heart. I take a cautious breath and make myself stop. All of those thoughts that make me sick. All the feelings that I can't stop.

This wasn't for real. It was just a crush. I close my eyes just for a second and my skin starts to burn, a clear sign that she's looking. My pulse rises again and the adrenaline rushes through my veins, slowly turning me into ash... and I like it.

I open my eyes and slightly turn my head. There she is. Gazing at me like I'm the only thing worth looking at. Her mouth twitches and she can't hold a smile. Throwing me a meaningful stare. Like she owned the place.. because she already knows, that she owns me. So there I sit, heart pounding. Mind already crazy with love. I brave myself and return the stare. Smiling at her in the exact same way. As if she's the only person in this place. The only girl that I want to look at. And as the time stops for just a second my mind is finally made up. I return to my studies as my boyfriend squeezes my hand.

It was the time, to be honest with myself.

To find the courage.

Because I've already found the love... and a girl that stole my heart.

While I wasn't even looking.

................................................................................

In the basement closet on the top shelf.

Sarah found a dusty box of unsent letters.

They were written by Beth her former roommate.

There were no addresses or stamps.

She thought she should return the box to Beth.

But her curiosity got the better of her.

So after dinner she sat by the fireside.

Then opened the first letter.

It read like a journal.

Talked about moving into the house,

Unpacking, getting ready to start her new job.

Sarah remembered those days well.

The letters were so interesting.

She didn’t realize Beth was such a writer.

Sarah made it a nightly journey now.

Beth’s letters and a glass of wine.

The letters dated somewhere around June.

Started to sound a little different.

“What does Sarah really see in him?”

Beth must have been talking about Alan.

It took her till September to see the same as Beth, Alan was no good for her.

Beth’s next letter said “Look at Sarah staring out the window. What is she thinking about?”

“It really breaks my heart”

The following letter: “I cried all night, I don’t know if I can go on this way”

This one really crushed Sarah.

She didn’t know this was happening to Beth.

There was only one letter left.

Beth talked of moving out that it would be better this way. Beth took a new job just as an excuse to move. Sarah was crying now. That was three months ago.

Night came again, no wine or reading tonight.

Sarah was sitting at her desk pen in hand.

Dear Beth,

How could I be so blind?

I hope I’m not too late...