You all think I'm crazy don't you?

That I'm just a bum with too much time on my hands

I've seen things that would shake even the bravest

Things that would destroy faith in the most devout

It only happens when you're not here

Voices telling me unspeakable horrors

Figures appearing and vanishing in an instant

Monsters crawling out from the dark corners

Their pain, anger, hatred, and despair seeps out of the cracks in these concrete walls

They speak to you everyday, but you are too deaf to hear them

They're right under your nose, but you are too blind to see them

I can feel the terror building up inside of me, but I am too dumb to scream

 

There is but one objective we

find...

need...

and seek;

It's this Pretend.

It's what blurs the define

of now and then

and start-n-stop

of you and me

and us and them;

The cause-n-effect.

It's what makes Us.

...Makes 

...Us.... 

...Human.

This odd Pretend.

I am the Isle, the Ship, the Wreck

the Survivors and all the Dead

...and blameless in the end

with my tablet and pen...

I'll mark a couple of signs

shapes that barely rhyme

in a rhythm that is mine...

And glancing before and after,

I'll look to see

what it is you'd 

Pretend to be...

Perhaps you'll see me?

from a distance...

...in the thickness

of this prismatic looking glass

We can safely meet long or brief

over the imaginary

partitioning...

of our Pretend.

#ItOnlyHappensWhenYoureNotHere #Challenge

<font face="Helvetica" size="3" color="silver">02.17.2018</font>

"Mom please don't leave me."

"Noah, you're going to adjust to this new house and new room. There is nothing to be afraid of."

"Mom, there is something wrong. every night, when you leave and close the door there are eyes and hands all over the room. They try to get me. Each night they get closer and closer."

"Noah, I've checked the closet, under the bed, everywhere - there is nothing to be afraid of."

"That's because it only happens when you're not here..."

"Goodnight, Noah. I'm closing the door now..."

"MOM. PLEASE."

"We're here, Noah."

"MOM HELP."

-silence-

Aware of my dark humor, my old teacher asks ,"Why don't I ever hear you laugh?"

I respond with glee and fully at ease, "It only happens when you're not here".

Profane jokes are enjoyable and silly you see.

Laughing at absurdity is what I do whenever I please.

"You have no sense of humor" I reply to the past teacher.

"You're grumpy and worn out, you look at me like I'm a tumor".

Angerily the teacher stomps away.

I swear, I didn't mean to but I just gave them a really bad day.

#poetry

#comedy

No teachers were harmed in the making of this poem. It is only for fun and jokes.

Wolf walked through the door, his body tense for a fight. He could smell the fire and the ash, his Angel had a bad day for it to be this strong. As he walked further into the house, his senses were assaulted with the salty sent of tears and the sense of hopelessness and frustration that normally pleased him, left an emptiness in him that broke his soul. His Angel was suffering.

That thought made him angry for a moment, but it disipated when he finally found her. She was sitting with her back against the bedroom door, her knees pulled up to her chest and her head buried in her arms. He heard her sniffles and watched as she looked up at him, tears still flowing from her silver eyes.

"I'm a horrible mother." She whispered in a broken voice, obviously strained from her weeping and begging.

Wolf knelt down, "Don't say stupid things, Angel. You're an amazing mother. Our little Siren adores you."

Angel shook her head, "No, you don't understand. It only happens when you're not here. She rejects me. My daughter rejects me and I know its because of what I am; who I am." A new sob tore through her and she wiped her tears away, "Part of me rejects her, but I love her so much. She's my everything, Wolf. I-I don't know what to do!"

Wolf pulled her into his arms as Angel disolved into a new set of tears. He hated when she cried. It meant she was hurting and all he wanted to do was set her world right so she could be his happy Angel; but there was no fixing this. He knew that Angel and Siren suffered when they were left alone together. His lover's power made her a danger to their daughter, and the parts of his daughter that were him, Hell-borne and unworthy, recognized Angel for the danger she was.

A loud cry came from the room behind them, and Wolf looked wistfully at the door. Their daughter was singing her siren song, and he knew his Angel would put her suffering aside to answer the call. As he predicted, his lover pulled herself from his hold and wiped her eyes, all signs of her pain gone, and she stood and entered the room.

"Hello my Little Bird." Wolf watched from the doorway as Angel cooed at their daughter and picked her up. She was beautiful every second of the day from the moment she was created, a smile deserved to be on her face all the time because she was a God-send. And he'd hurt her too many times before to not want to make up for it. As he watched her hold their child, he realized that he'd inadvertently hurt her again. It was his fault their daughter couldn't stand Angel when he was gone. It was his blood that ruined everything.

His Siren was smiling up at her mother with wide eyes and little giggles. Wolf looked at his Angel curiously when a wave of her sadness washed over him. She was smiling, but it wasn't reaching her eyes. "Angel?"

"I'm happy to be able to hold her again, to end her crying and her pain, Wolf, but....mine still exists. Even now, I'm so happy to have her in my arms again, but the moment you're gone....she won't want me anymore." She turned to him, and Wolf froze at the desperate look in her eyes.

Nothing good ever happened when she had that look in her eyes.

"What are you thinking, Angel?" He asked, his voice was lower than normal as he prepared himself for whatever awful idea she was about to suggest.

"I love her so much."

"I know you do. You love her more than anything. I see the way you look at her. She's the light of your life." Wolf remarked.

Angel nodded, "Then you know...., tears began to fall from her eyes again as she approached him and offered him their now silent child, "You know this breaks my heart."

Wolf took Siren, but the smile he normally recived from her, he didn't get. Her silver and green eyes were focused on her mother. "Angel, what are you doing?"

The woman gave him a bittersweet smile as she pressed a kiss to her daughter's head, and finally she looked at him. He saw the answer in her eyes, and before his Angel, Wolf never thought he'd fall apart the way he found himself in that moment.

"I hurt her. You don't. She adores you most of all. I've always loved that, but, she can't stand me when you're not here. I hurt her and she hurts me. I'm weak, Wolf. I can't keep doing this, listening to her cry and scream because of my presence. I hear the Fire within me make demands I can never follow. She's in danger with me, and she knows it." He saw her heart break in her eyes, a look he'd caused once, and vowed never to do again.

"Angel-"

She silenced him with a kiss, it was full of love and sorrow and good-bye. Then she was gone.

Wolf felt her absence, and when his daughter began to cry, he knew that she felt it too. These were here normal cries though. He was never around when Siren threw a real tantrum, with power in her voice that shook the whole house. Others had witnessed the effects of Siren's terrified screams when she was alone with Angel, the way they both suffered without his presence. The tears his daughter cried now, hurt his soul in a way Hell never could; she knew her mother was gone.

He rocked her gently and began speaking to her. "Your mother loves you very much. More than anything else in this world. You and I broke her heart, my Siren." His daughter hiccuped and looked at him with water eyes; her mother's eyes. "It wasn't your fault, Little Bird." The nickname Angel gave Siren sounded odd coming from him, but he saw how it soothed the child. "She's your guardian angel, Siren, don't ever forget that. Angel and I would tear the world asunder for you. Always remember that Angel did this because she loves you so much. She would rather suffer alone than risk you. She's stubborn that way." He paused and saw that Siren had stopped crying, she was looking around the room for her mother.

'Angel, I wish you knew how much our daughter loves you. When you're not here she looks for you.'

Sometimes, you were kind. But usually not.

Sometimes, your words were bandages. Usually they caused the need for them.

Sometimes, you held me while I cried. Sometimes you weren't even the reason. But usually you were.

Sometimes, laughing with you felt good. Usually it was a lie to keep myself safe.

Sometimes, I told you what I really thought. Usually I choked on the words.

Sometimes, I didn't want to sleep with you. Usually, you didn't care.

Sometimes, I was afraid of you. Sometimes I was sure you would hit me. You didn't. Someday, I'm know you would've.

But once, I decided I wouldn't wait for it anymore.

Once, my bravery was greater than my fear of you.

Once, I grew a backbone. Once, I dug up some courage. Once, I told you we were done. Once, twice, ten times I told you. I told you until tears froze on my face and my feet went numb, but that once, I left you in that parking lot.

And that once, you told me: "Leaving me won't fix whatever your problems are". And for once, you were right. It didn't fix them all. But:

Sometimes, I don't think about you.

Sometimes, I'm not afraid anymore.

Sometimes, I don't get nauseous when I see you. (But usually I do.)

Sometimes, I think people believe me about you. (But usually I don't.)

Sometimes, I am still not okay.

But sometimes, I am. And it only happens when you're not here.

The tears of regret.

The ugly sadness in the air.

The black attire.

Memories tossed from ear to ear, speaking of all your glory.

The 911 call.

The shivering silence.

The cold embalming table.

You're entire family coming together, standing over your coffin.

It only happens when you're not here.

I can't take it anymore. The yelling, fighting, cussing, spitting, and hitting. The hatred in this house has seeped into the floors like a pool of blood dripping through the cracks into the darkened basement. So many lies and secrets are hidden down there. It's been an eternity and I still struggle with the everyday reality of it. The only reprieve is when you are home. The others all quiet down when you walk in the door. I don't know if they are afraid or if they are jealous. I am neither. In fact, I love you. You are my only friend. I find peace and solace in your presence and have often taken to following you around. I talk to you and at times, it seems like you are listening, and that for a moment, I'm not dead.

It only happens when you're not here. I have to relive the agony of being locked away in a house full of tormented souls who are both too stubborn to cross. Instead, they battle each day, and it's just as gruesome as the last day we were all alive. At the end of it all, I have to watch as the anger turns towards me. I have to watch as I die again and again and again.

I can't wait for you to come home.

You arrived like an unexpected breeze

Which blew my sails off course

Towards unexplored lands

A face I had often seen

Now seemed so unfamiliar

Places I had been to

Became even more dear in your presence

But you who lived so afar

Your seldom visits were like a jolt

To my lonesome heart

It only happens when you're not here

Still your remembrance has become so dear

The feelings always bottled in a jar

Trapped by me to keep me safe

Now you have let them loose

The distance with you now gone

With the empty space created

On the sofa on which you sat

When my eyes drift to that place

I am left with those memories

Then like a clumsy fool

I anticipate your arrival

Waiting is so torturous for me

But it seems you like to test your power

Still only with you gone

I remember all those rare moments

And again within me is hidden

That desire to see you once more.

#Absence#love#Feelings#Remember

Sounds become pallid silence,

there is nothing I can understand;

it seems it only happens,

when you're not here.

The kitchen is quiet,

the bedroom vacant of life's pleasures,

and it only happens,

when you're not here.

Life moves on,

memories flourish,

the mind thinks too much,

wondering all the what ifs.

Sailing ships across the North Shore,

walks across Park Square,

hot-air ballooning in springtime,

and that no longer happens because you aren't here.

Words bringing laughter,

hearts churning as one;

but it never happens,

because you aren't here.

Come back to me,

one more time.

One last chance to live again.

It will never happen.

You ... are gone.