"He's not under the couch."

"He's not inside the piano."

"And he's not in the kitchen anywhere. Just keep looking, girls. I swear, I'm gonna nail the top of his tank shut. Hey Scrugs, Lilith! Any luck in the backyard?"

"Sorry Carmen, he's not under the deck."

"And he's not in your swimming pool."

"Check the garage next. Mike! Anything?"

"I checked the rain gutters. He's not there either."

"He's gotta be around here somewhere. Where could one big snake possibly go?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! SOMEBODY GET THIS SNAKE OUTTA MY BATHWATER!"

"Hurray! Lu found Slinky!"

"Correction, Regan. I think Slinky found Lu."

#sinsofthefather #fiction #fantasy #comedy #horror #snake

“Did you agree to ask her out?”

“Meghan, I already told you.”

“I’m aware.”

“So why are you asking?”

“She told me otherwise.”

“So you don’t trust me.”

“That is not what I said.”

“Then what are you saying, Meghan? Because I’m really done with having to analyze every little thing you say to me.”

“I trust both of you. Just because you are my boyfriend doesn’t mean I always have to believe you and take your side. Christine is my friend and if she says you were going to ask her out, I would like to think I can believe her, but obviously, you both can’t be right. I need you to tell me the truth.”

“I know you’re saying that, but how can I be sure you will always be ok with the truth? How do I know when to tell you things?”

“You are avoiding the question again, and you should be able to trust me. I promise I’m not going anywhere. It’s ok if you lied. I know you. You always have a reason for not telling the truth.”

“Fine, I was going to ask her out. We agreed to it before I left for my cruise last month.”

“See? That wasn’t so hard. And I’m still here. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Ok fine. But you know me. You know those things aren’t easy for me.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Go ahead.”

“It’s always seemed like she annoys you and you want nothing to do with her. Why would you decide to ask her out? And why did you start liking me in the first place? As far as I know, it happened during your cruise.”

“Oh, wow lots of questions. Ok. I guess it’s because I know her so well and have known her for so long. We just met this year. So basically, your one fault is one you couldn’t control. I just wanted someone who I wouldn’t have to explain myself to. I knew she would just know. But then on my cruise, I had lots of time to think, and since I was hanging out with people who didn’t know you guys or me, I could say whatever I wanted to them. I knew I liked you, and I thought I needed Christine, but talking to them about both of you made me realize it was you I needed and wanted. You were the person I didn’t want to stop talking about. That’s why I chose you. You are all I want and need. I hope you know that and never have any reason to doubt me again. I promise never to lie to you again.”

“Please, don’t make promises you can’t keep. It just makes it hurt more when I find out you have lied.”

"Why is your Facebook relationship status listed as 'It's complicated'?"

"Wow, Trev. Forward much?"

"What? I'm just asking."

"And you couldn't ask me how my day was first?"

"All right, how was your day?"

"It was good. We got another member for the badminton team today, so that's good."

"You don't sound too happy about that."

"I mean, it's nice to have another member and all, but we still need one more so that we could compete in doubles."

"Doubles?"

"Yeah, two versus two matches."

"Oh, okay. Well, good luck with that."

"Thanks, I'm gonna need it. There aren't a lot of people who take badminton seriously. As a sport, I mean. They all think it's the wimpy version of tennis; it's so ridiculous."

"I know that firsthand. You kicked my ass when we played against each other during the summer. It really is a lot harder than it looks."

"...That's not the only thing..."

"That's not the only thing that what?"

"..."

"Amy?"

"You know...about what you asked me before..."

"What about it?"

"It's just that...it's complicated. Obviously. That's why I changed my relationship status to...you know what? Just forget it."

"What? There's no way I could just forget it."

"Why not? It's not like it's a big deal or anything."

"It is to me."

"Why?"

"Why? Uh, maybe it's because I'm your friend. It's only natural for me to want to know what guy you're into."

"It doesn't matter. He probably doesn't like me, anyway..."

"What makes you think that?"

"Look, I already told you to forget it. So just forget it, okay?"

"And I already told you that I can't just forget it."

"Why not?"

"Because we're...We're always open and honest with each other. What makes this time different?"

"..."

"Come on, Amy. Don't just clam up on me now."

"I don't know what else to do."

"Why? That guy hasn't done anything to you, has he?"

"Oh, no! It's nothing like that. This is just really hard to talk about. I don't want to make things between us weird."

"What does that mean?"

"See? I already made things weird!"

"Uh...I'm confused."

"...You know, I never talk about this kind of thing. Like, ever."

"Okay...?"

"I never thought that I'd have to. Not now, at least."

"...Do I know this guy?"

"...Yeah. It's strange for me to even be talking about this. I mean, most guys just see me as this tomboy whose obsessed with badminton."

"I don't see you that way."

"What?"

"Most guys might see you that way, but I don't. I've always seen you as a girl."

"Oh..."

"How about you? Girls don't exactly see me as a guy either. They just see me as this artist whose obsessed with painting."

"...Most girls might see you that way, but I don't."

"So, uh, just to be sure...does this mean that the guy you were talking about before is...?"

"Yeah, he's you."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Oh."

"She is so beautiful, but aren't all brides on their wedding day?"

"Could we predjudice? After all she is our daughter. I never thought I'd see that little Tom Boy do this! Did you, Nell?"

"She may be fourty-two, but there's a first time for everything. I'm so happy she met Dan. They are so right for each other. I haven't met a man with a bigger heart."

"I agree, he will take good care of Susan. He is what she has needed for so long. A strong, kind and sensible man."

"Susan had that 'he's the one' look in her eyes the day she introduced him, remember?"

"Shhh Nell, the music is starting!"

"He looks quite pale! He's sweating like a stuck pig!"

"Shhh!"

"Here she comes, our little girl bride."

"Oh my God! Dan just collapsed!"

"Oh Jesus! The groomsmen are all over him!"

"Susan! Susan stop running, baby!"

"Oh she's is hysterical Bob! Some one said Dan is, dead!"

"Nell, wait!"

THE END