What if no one ever falls in love with me?

What if all love is conditional?

What if I am alone forever?

All I want is confidence in that I can trust someone.

I want to be able to go home every day

And know someone loves me more than anyone else.

It scares me that things can change so quickly.

One day, someone can be such a big part of your life,

And the next, they’re gone.

It’s like you never knew each other.

It’s like neither of you ever cared.

I’ve been told time and time again that people don’t change.

How can this be true?

How is it that people I used to hate I now love

If I’ve never changed?

How is it that so many people have left me behind

If no one ever changes?

Is every “I love you” I’ve ever heard been a lie?

What if no one could ever love me

Once they get to know me?

What if I’m always the problem?

What if I’m the one keeping myself from happiness?

I hate questions that no one can answer.

I hate lies.

I’m afraid of love.

I’m afraid of being left behind.

I'm afraid of all the "what if's."

I’m afraid of everything I don’t know.

Questions scare me the most.

I’m too afraid to ask the ones that matter most.

I’m too afraid to answer the ones that hurt most.

All I want is answers,

But it’s all I will never have.

Four friends physically lost. A lot more emotionally/mentally lost. What scares me the most is losing someone I love. Whether that means physically or emotionally, it’s scary. The first time you talk to them, the first time you realize you’re friends is the best. You have someone to look out for you. But the moment the stop acting like themselves is terrifying. Things that used to be said to each other, can’t be said anymore. Then you’re out of the loop, they don’t tell you anything, even though everyone around seems to know. So you continually ask the people they talk to if they’re okay. Next thing you know, you’re not even talking anymore, you’re not allowed to. The scary thing is, you never know how things are. You can’t even wrap your head around how things got this bad. Yes, we’ve all lost someone physically, but at least you know they aren’t in pain anymore. So far, four friends have been taken from me. Whether it was suicide or accidents, either way it’s terrifying. So far, many have been taken emotionally. And I’m sure I’m not the only one.